ok, DON'T do that.

i only have one friend who could get "celebrate, celebrate, dance to the muzak" stuck in my head. : P

i think it would be hard to like me... i feel like a walking disappointment. you can't change without changing.

2.5 in ME222... merry christmas lindsay!

i'm beginning to realize how quickly this break is going to go. cuz it's already down to single digits til christmas. then only a week after that til new years, then only a couple of days after that until break is over! what the heck!! i like christmas.
and yes, sometimes i do get up and dance around a room. it does happen.
ok, so back in the day, i used to think of target as kind of a "cheap" place to shop... yeah, not so much anymore! i've spent in the likes of 200 bucks there in the last, oh, week, easy, and don't have all that much to show for it!! you know what i want!? a plasma t.v.
here's what i DON'T like hearing: bad things.
is there a commercial where a guy picks up a flamingo or some large bird of some sort? either that, or i had a dream about it recently? i dont' know either way, but i have a deja vu feeling about it.
i think i am going to find some of my old journals and stuff, and post some of the things i have wrote (not like "dear diary" type of things but like writings and such.) i don't know. maybe.
something about the reservoir being empty...

there are few things pure in this world anymore and home is one of the few
we never drink outside maybe run and hide if we saw a couple men in blue
well to me it's so damn easy to see that your people are the people at home
well i've been away but now i'm back today and there aint a place i'd rather go
i feel home
when i see the faces
that remember my own
i feel home
when i'm chillin outside
with the people i know
i feel home
and that's just what i feel
home to me is reality
and all i need is something real

i'm such an asshole. i wonder why i have so few friends? remedy: drink.

ok that blog SUCKED.

bottom line: i hate seeing friendships kind of fade away. it's happen kind of more than i would like it to, and i'm to blame.

i think one of my biggest fear is that people don't know how i feel about them. hmmm. that doesn't sound right, but. like for people i really admire and respect to not know that... or think that i don't think that of them. like for example (not quite an example though) if someone said to me something to the affect of 'youre too cool for me' (and whether or not in jest, another story, another reason why i hate talking online cuz it's hard to gage sarcasm) and i throw it back at him 'no you are too cool for me' type of thing, i truly believe that. and let's just go out on a limb and say someone said that and truly meant it (why would they though) then i feel cheated out because shit, that is so not the case! why am i getting all hyped on this? i don't know. i think the fact that i'm moving for the semester (i have to keep reminding myself it's not permanent) really makes me think i really do only have a few friends that consider me friends back. meaning i consider more people my friends, while they might not share the same sentiment. not many, but i guess 1 is one too many. just cuz when it comes down to it, people need people. i really don't even know what i'm rambling about anymore. i was serious in my last post about being manic.

i feel so... manic right now.

i'm kinda just chillin' out max right now... but i had an uneasy feeling a few minutes ago. i don't know exactly what brought it on, but i kinda felt... out of it. like kind of alone. i have my sweet ass roommates to keep me grounded, bless them, and i will miss them so much! : \ and the one and only roxanne... who will shed a tear for me in the middle of target :_( karin i will see probably as often as i see her now, which isn't enought!!! oh now i'm all pouty.

but really, all of this is trite and meaningless when compared to the news that jeremy and steve lost their friend last night in a car accident. hell, if it can happen (losing someone, i mean) to someone who you care about, then it can happen to you. and while i didn't know julie, i am sad for jeremy. and it's like, there's nothing to say. i've been on the other side of that, and it all sounds like bullshit. but. i hope there is a shred of comfort in the next few weeks for both steve and jeremy.

"oh no, i've said too much... i haven't said enough. i thought that i heard you laughing, i thought that i heard you sing. i think i thought i saw you try."
"i was thinking to myself, 'this could be heaven or this could be hell' "
"do you remember when we used to say shalalalalalalalalalalatida" (<---- that's me!)
"i see you lookin' at me i can tell by your eyes that you're feelin' me"
"you don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact sometimes that's not right now, sometimes you gottsa make some loooove"
"well in a couple of years they have built a home sweet home"
"i know what it feels like to be alone... my life stopping to say hello, it's my life, why can't we take this slow?"
"i saw him dancing there by the record machine, knew he musta been about seventeen, the beat was going strong, playin' my favorite song... and i could tell it wouldn't be long til he was with me"
"this years' love had better last, heaven knows it high time"
"and i well i seen a thousand things in one place, but i stopped my counting when i saw your face... erasing memory, well i feel as though i never seen a face before till i saw your eyes, and they smiling back at me through my tears, i've been counting all these years, oh suddenly the thousand things i seen are nothing but the dreams of you and me."

enough quotage. have exam in less than 9 hours. should maybe study a bit, eh?
auf wiedersehen.

so, luck be it, i am sick before finals for the 2nd or 3rd time in my college career. this is a pretty mild sick, though, compared to spring freshman year. oh man, i was in horrible shape, blowing my nose like every 5 seconds. every time i swallowed, my ears popped. my ears were teary for the entire 2 hours. it was disasterous. this time, i merely (!) have a headache, which is unusual to me because i rarely feel not-good. don't you hate it when you are congested only on one side?! what the heck is up with that!? generally, my face hurts. okay, why do i sound like a geriatric!? enough of this.

ok, is it considered a booty call if you've never actually slept with the person? i reserve the term usually for someone who "calls for more" but i guess it can sort of be used for a first time offender. not like it really matters anyway.

i think i'm going to order bells ( haha i just wrote "oder bells" instead first, and i remembered topo, my hebrew scriptures teacher from high school who called the old testament the "ode testament") cuz i won't have much chance for quality east lansing food for much longer! adios amigos.

xoxo

i'm just a curb-side prophet with my hand in my pocket and i'm waiting for my rocket to come.

ahhhhhhh!

my ponytail is midget, like an inch long. :P i also have an itch on my stomach, i've scratched it like for five minutes just now and it is all red and splotchy now. grooooss. i am sooo copying rob right now, but at least i said so. here's the away messages up right now

napping... call the cell

Chillin with the Girls

OP time. and. I have a simpsons watch. from burger king!!!

Stanley Goodspeed: You've been around a lot of corpses. Is that normal?
John Mason: What, the feet thing?
Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, the feet thing.
John Mason: Yeah, it happens.
Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, well I'm having a hard time concentrating. Can you do something about it?
John Mason: Like what, kill him again?

I feel sorry for all of you who take forever to fall asleep. I can do it like a snap! I could even fall asleep right here on the keyb-- ghtufkndyghdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

At the library

Why is it they all want their ex-girlfriends?

Things that make you go hummmm????
Manute Bol has traded in his basketball sneakers and boxing trunks and now is in a shocking search for a pair of ice skates. The 7-foot-7 former NBA shot-blocker agreed to terms Tuesday to play with the Indianapolis Ice of the Central Hockey League. WTF!!!!

;-)try to find me!

PISS OFF!! >:o
sorry but i'm not in the greatest of moods!

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.
The shocking statistic is that beer is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks.
Please! Forward this to everyone you know!!!

sleeeeeepppp!

In the end love matters too "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make"

"Chillin in the parking lot, eatin some fries"

Ladies night in full effect!! ;-)

Disco Dance tomorrow night!!! Everyone come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gettin some zzzz's....O:-)
"They took all the trees and put them in a tree museum, charged the people a dollar and a half just to see them..." Good Luck Linds!! You own those trees... :-)


---------end quotes---------- well that was fun. not really. hmmm. why do i suck. i love my stolen toy story figurina. she's so me. i like how she sits atop my shelf, arms spread open with her little cowgirl outfit. mind you, i am not a cowgirl, nor do i perch on shelves with my arms out.. but still.

that's funny, i didn't knowi have james brown on my winamp list. sah-weet. i love over-tipping during the holidays. today i went to pf's for some take-out, and my total was 6 bucks, so i matched it and gave the bartender a 6 dollar tip. and when i got my hair cut i paid with a 20 and said keep the change. why should my mom and dad be the only people (oh and my brother's girlfriend, go figure!_) be the only people i give gifts? which kind of makes me feel guilty for overlooking the couple of people jingling cups on the streets of chi-town. : \

i gotsa get to my hw... seeing as how tomorrow is the last day of class, i think i'll put together my notebooks finally. i'm stupid.

sometimes i'm good at snapping one-liners and having comebacks, so rarely do i meet someone i can't think of anything to say to. but that's how it was with j.mraz... i was like uhhhh. chode and a half. ahhhhhh. i'm a band-aid!

so my work assignment either starts jan. 2 or jan. 6... if it is the 2nd, i will die! that's less than a month, (then again the 6th is just a month away anyway) but still, i'd have to move on new years. no thank you. i'll pass go and keep my 200.

i want to go to san fran. if i go, i might not come back.

happy december!

i went to chicago for the weekend, it was my first trip there. why was it my first trip there!? it was like the best city ever! i'm shocked i haven't made it there before this past weekend, and i can't wait to go there in june after we're all 21 :D thanksgiving was soooo nice, and i had the best time this weekend with my family. i am such a nerd with them, it's funny the things we talk about (will not do any divulging tonight). ate at pfchangs/chicago on saturday night, was sooo good. i met a boy in the navy on the train ride back to where we were staying, who said he thought i was 16, until i mentioned college, then assumed 18. he was 18 with a fiance, which was weird, and he was a deadringer for my cousin rob, who is just as hyperactive spastic as this kid was. at any rate, hearing him explain the whole navy life was crazy. the whole 16 year old thing was crazy, chicago was crazy beautiful. i looooovvvvveeeed it.

i could sleep for, like, a day straight. i'm going to go make out with my bed.

i don't go to class, and i wonder why i get 60% on my exams? well, that's a lie, cuz i don't really wonder, i just pick up my exam and go "oh, a 60%" without expression and then go about my day. and like i try and think of what i do when i don't go to class, and i really come up with nothing. i haven't been hanging out a lot... haven't been talking to people really... not so much t.v. as earlier in the year... sure as hell don't work out... i guess i HAVE been working a lot, i guess. i love the girls at my work, we have so much fun ripping on people and things and more people. i'm going to miss my work girls, but not as much as i'm going to miss my *girls*. : ( i know i'm not like dying or something, but moving away is becomming a big deal to me! it's like so... away. could i sound any stupider with that last sentence? it's funny to actually type out how you say things in your head. hahaha. yessssss. my home rules. i like it, cuz there's just so many people here. like, i come home, and there's 5 of us, doing our thing around the house. then we all make and eat dinner together. it's so... cool! shit i am sounding stuuuuupid, but i always think about the future and when/if i have a family, i want it to be just like mine... i can't imagine not having 2 brothers and a sister, it's like the best thing ever. ahhhhh. must get married soon and have kids! of course, my husband will be an aspiring writer or musician, and offer to stay home at least part time so we can both work and raise said child(ren).how much fun does that sound?!?!

oh my, howie day may be one of the hottest people alive... except when his people yell at my people. : \ : D

i don't know why, but i find it absolutely necessary to sit around in my towel for at least fifteen minutes after i'm out of the shower. just thought you might like to know. ; )

p.s. yeah i'm a little nekkie under my towel right now. : D

the clock is ticking down on this semester. i really didn't/don't have any grand goals or anything - i thought i'd study and go to class and stuff, but alas - so i'm really not disappointed or anything. if anything, slightly reaffirmed about going to fort wayne. either way i look at it, i have 2 semesters til i graduate. either finish early, get a job early, that bullshit, or finish in 4 years, graduate with 1 year working experience, and make myself more "marketable." it's sick to think that i may be doing this co-op for that very reason. because that's not what i want to think about on my deathbed, when i am trying to recap my life in the last 30 seconds i have to breath. "was i marketable?" so i really don't know what i'm doing this for really. i know there's some hidden, subconscious reason why i'm going... and i guess i just can't wait to get there and try to figure it out.

there never was a clean plate, without some dirty fingers.

revisited crushes are the best.

eleven-eleven, make a wish. :D

this weekend was a;lskjd;alskjdf;alskjdf. nothing really great happened, except for my meal sunday, which was just phenomenal. it was just panera's : ) but it hit the spot like whoa. all of my work trainers left, which is sad because i didn't get the chance to jump any of them. oh well. my foot still hurts, probably wasn't a good idea to run on it on friday, but i don't really give a fuck. i think it still would have hurt anyway. oh, so kare's news is just too much for me to bear. on the phone with her, i was like beaming, and it's her life, not mine! allllso, if you are an away message stalker like myself, i'll refresh your memory with the fact that i am THIRTEEN, not the 20 that i had thought. because i guess i think it's cool to act like an adolescent when it comes to boys. BOYS. not even men. ahhhhh. help!

i just had the best conversation with kare and jame. it was just classic. kind of a "me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" type of thing. hahaha, i love true laugh-out-loud moments. theyre' just great.
my favorite quote of the week, hands down: so i'm walking, talking with someone about how out of shape i am, a guy i have a mini on, mind you, and i said something to the effect of, 'if i do anything physical, i'd die.' to which he goes "so you're saying, you'd be out of breath if you had sex right now?" i hope it sounds as funny on blogger as it did in person, i just about died. but then again, i am a dork.
ok, i am so grooving to this band right now. i love being a band-aid (winamp-style).
not that i am an out-of-control substance abuser, but i have to take a drug test for fort wayne. i will pass (cross fingers) but still, i've never taken a drug test, and i feel kind of violated. i don't know why. i mean, i really don't even enjoy debating topics like that, but whatever. i'm over it actually.
ok, i am working a double shift tomorrow, at p.f. changs... on a SATURDAY. what the fuck was i thinking? first of all, on tuesday evening, (who goes out to eat on a tuesday evening really?) we were on an hour long wait. i can't WAIT to see how saturday night's wait is going to be. i know, i just KNOW, that i am going to leave that place with a back-ache, not because i have strenous physical work to do, but because that's a sign that i am stressed out. all of the muscles in my back just tense up, and you could walk on my back without me saying a word, cuz my back is all stiff and the muscles are tensed. anyway, why did i just share that with you all?
ok, howie day... free show at borders? hella cool. so excited. words. don't describe.
ok i had this dream i was pregnant, (hmmm maybe a sign to start working out) and then i took a home pregnancy test, just to be sure (even though i was like mid-pregnancy) and it turned out negative and i was just devastated. wtf is this supposed to mean? someone tell me!
then, i had another dream where ... okay i just forgot it. nevermind.
all i have to end with, is i wish i were 21. i'm not alcoholic by ANY means, actually i haven't been drunk in like almost 2 months, but i just wish i could go to the bar, have a few beers. it's no fun having a few beers in your apartment, especially when you are the only one home. : )

so i'm standing in roxanne's kitchen, just minding my own business. (ok, i was really rummaging thru her kitchen for left-over halloween candy, but that's just between you and me)... so all of a sudden i hear a muffled cry for help. "lindsay?" at first, i was like "yeah, what's up" not even thinking about the words i was saying. i finally realized that 1) she had no candy and 2) that i had to go see what she needed help with because i had just answered her like a dummy. i take a step out of the kitchen, which proved to be just enough to see the bathroom door cracked open, and funny i should say crack, cuz roxanne was sitting her butt on the toilet, with her hand sticking out the door. "can i have some toilet paper?" okay, seriously, if candid camera was set up, i think i would have won top prize (of course, which i would have shared with roxanne... cuz really, who opens the bathroom door to ask for toilet paper?!) cuz the face i made was one of my classic faces. and that's all i have to say about that. oh, and amen to keeping extra toilet paper inside the bathroom, instead of in the front hall. hint, hint.

i really feel like working out right now... crazy considering i'm almost an athlete, or a person who works out for that matter. back in high school, i got a membership to the Y, and i worked out like crazy. i paid like 35 bucks a month or something, out of my pocket, and because it was my money, i made a point to go. come to think of it, i've been so financially responsible (save for a few minor mistakes) since i was 16, when i got my first credit card. everything i have bought since then, i have paid for. and worked for. i take that back. once my dad inadvertantly opened my credit card statement because it was being sent to my parent's house. he noticed my (extremely, for my age) high credit card balance, and paid 200 on it. which was super nice. but other than that, yeah. back to working out. oh, my point: i called the Y a few weeks ago to check out rates and what not, and it is fifty fucking dollars or something like that now. ok, i understand charging a lot for some chach place like the one above the gap, where all the sorositutes and their chums go, but the Y?? plus the 100 sign-up fee. screw that. michigan state's IM facilities are shameful... and i've grown sick of just running. i still have 2 months to reach my 2002 new year's resolution, which involved weight loss. am i the only person who thinks about new year resolutions like 10 months after the fact? my guess is yes. but i wrote this one down, so if i don't do it, i'm lame.

i worked 40 hours last week. i am still exhausted. also had the biggest test of my life, which turned out to be less-than-fun. my sister ran in the State cross-country meet in 19:15, for 3.2 miles. that is a 6 minute mile for the whole entire time, isn't that amazing? i told someone that, and he was like "oh i could run that" and i was like "oh no you could not" because really guys just like to brag and say they can do things, they are all talk like that. halloween, sadly, i spent studying and working, but i had fun vicariously through kare and rox and rob. went to c.p. for the last weekend they were open last weekend, super duper fun. millennium force has to be the best roller coaster around, although the raptor does give you a head rush like whoa, and the new twistie one is also muy bien. that's really all i have to say for now, as i rack my brain for anything interesting i have to share right now, and i come up with nothing.

pet peeves: people who pace. i'm in the computer lab right now, and there is a kid who is pacing and i just want to buy some of that sticky glue stuff from the hardware store and put it on the soles of his shoes so he can stop annoying me! i feel so bad saying that though, because i can't even imagine the things that i do to annoy people. i do not want to even know. another pet peeve: people who threaten to stalk me (sound familiar?) hahaha j/k. but i'll let you know... i will have no one stalking me! that is for sure.
so fort wayne is on. it's like 10 weeks away, and super scary. i'm sure/hope everything will be o.k. in the end. i will be back for the summer to party with all of you hott spartans! wahooey.
okay, so i am so stealing this quote from my stalker, but i just have to say "i am a nerd... but i am a nerd with a crush." i have this crush who makes me feel like i'm 13 years old again. it's fun. : ) i don't know if he knows i'm totally crushing on him, but i don't really care. it's that whole crossing-the-line-into-something-else-than-flirting thing that i'm not even really looking for. why can't we (collectively) just flirt our whole lives (with the same person, of course) and skip the whole meaningful, deep part of the relationship? oh wait, that's cuz i haven't really had a relationship, per se, so therefore i do not understand the blessings of one. puke.
i started my job! the first day, everyone was really quiet, you know... didn't say anything. now we're all joking and being loud and obnoxious. it's so fun. it's work, but really it's play. who else goes to work and eats PFChangs' food?! : D and it is so fun. granted, we are still not open, therefore do not have customers, so it only seems fun now, but still. it is like the perfect job. except for the whole open-363-days-a-year thing. that would suck.
other news... other news... i got 37/50 on my 2nd math exam, up from the first 24/50. go me.
my room, among other things in my life right now, is in a state of chaos. when i first read the word "chaos" i said "chay-oh's" and my mom and friend erin thought i was so stupid. i laughed too.
i just ate a pack of donuts from the vending machine! i think this is the first time ever i have ever bought donuts, and they were from a vending machine! ewwww.
i really don't have time to be writing a blog right now, seeing as how i have homework due tomorrow (average time of completion = 5 hrs), a lab due tomorrow (last week's lab = 11 pgs), work from 5pm-11pm, and a hard-ass exam on friday (last exam's grade = 16/30... last exam's amount of studying prior to exam = 15+ hours). so are you picking up on the level of stress i am going through right now? hence the donuts.

! so annoyed, just lost super long blog when i clicked on one of those lame buddy links !

i question the motives of others all the time. i probably shouldn't, seeing as how i hate it when people do that to me. but really, i don't ACTUALLY question them, i just ask myself what his/her motive is. shouldn't that be okay, though? someone tell me that is okay.

someone asked me a question, to which i said "i think so." so he said to me "don't think... know." and i go "don't know.... always think. the only way to be truly free." i admit, i said it in defiance, but really, it's true. that's my mantra! and i didn't even (consciously) know it! go me! high-five

tomorrow i'll blog. but don't hold your breath until then (cuz who would do that anyway!?)

i am such a dumbass. what am i doing?

Mood changes are often accompanied by altered perceptions of time and space. Thinking processes become disrupted by fragmentary ideas and memories. Many users report increased appetite, heightened sensory awareness, and general feelings of pleasure."

ya think?

O.U.T O.F C.O.N.T.R.O.L

i think i may have just gotten asked out. i don't know, considering i'm asked out all the time (and by all the time, i mean never at all) i was all cool on the phone, even saying once "ok i'm being a complete tool right now" to him. and how true that is. I AM A TOOL. also, i have decided (without even going out with this guy) that i dont like to date! it's so uncomfortable! cuz really, you know nothing about the other person, so what does that even give you? one night hook-ups are also not my thing, which puts a damper on things when you realize that he just wants to get laid. anyway, i really do have to write a paper, that is not an excuse, so i gotta start on that. big right.

it's alright if you can get someone to help you get your foot in the door, but once inside, you have to stand on your own two feet." my mom said this, in regards to interviews and stuff, but i think it can be applied to so much more than that.

i seem to have started off more that one blog with "i just wrote something but i erased it"... which is what i wrote prior to erasing THAT sentence and writing this one. i realize that this is probably a bad thing, that i cannot post what i want to, in what is supposed to be MY blog, because i know that people read it, and probably because i don't want them to think differently of me because of what i write. and that SUCKS to realize that. i consider myself a pretty normal person, and i think most people who know me (and read this... who are you?!) would back me up on this one. but for whatever reason, i keep everything at an arms reach (is that the right saying?) and away from my body. i don't understand that, because sometimes i don't understand me, which can be uncomfortable sometimes. i try to open up, i do. or at least i think about opening up. but it's hard. i try to be influenced by my surroundings, but it is hard. i don't really know where i am going with this blog, most of what i really am thinking is in the blog i just wrote and copied and pasted out of blogger, for reasons mentioned above. i just feel a big sigh coming on. :::SIGH::: that felt good.

some people go through life with fake friends, with close aquaintainces, with people who they aren't sure of where their friendship lies, of thinking someone is their friend when really she is just annoyed with her, with having no friends at all... i am so fortuate to have GOOD friends, meaningful relationships with awesome girls, and i am so lucky to have that. that said, how would it be possible to go hang out with them and NOT have fun?! oh, that's right... it wouldn't be possible. i think if we were all locked in jail together, we wouldn't die of being beaten up by other prisoners, we'd die of laughter because we'd sit and shoot the shit and laugh all day long. hehehehe.

next on my agenda... i have realized that my end-all-be-all of mini's, one boy whom i reserve initials for, i no longer am obsessed with. that interested me in a good way.

other news: this weather rocks, and serves as my "i love michigan" attitude that will get knocked down come january/february/march. on my agenda is going to the cider mill... cider and donuts and maybe a candy apple and then maybe too a hayride. hahah. j/k about the hayride.

i have this feeling i'm expecting something in the mail, or an email, or a package. of course, nothing tangible, i don't really mean my physical mailbox. i just have this expectant feel to me right now. like i'm on the verge. of what, i don't know... or i am not sure if i know or not. and then if i do in fact know, whether it is conscious or sub-conscious. you see, why lead a boring life (open for debate) when you can complex your thoughts like such?

hahaha i think one of the best things about my day was our kooky waiter... i am taking mental notes for P.F. Changs... i had better see you all when we open november 4th... hellllllo paycheck!

alright, the start of a new week! begins with me going to sleep now. have a good one! <3

why do i have to have a mini on paul... always pick the ones that aren't interested in me

so have nothing to say. well. yeah. nothing to say. i feel like watching a movie, and going outside to rake the leaves, and going to the cider mill, and wearing sweaters. yeah. doesn't that sound groovy.

to me it is amazing what you can make yourself believe. be it about yourself, others, the imaginary, the real, all of it.

this weekend went on and on and on forever. you know why? because i had not a thing in the world to do... it was great. saturday night watched sex and the city and drank red wine, went swinging. i'd so rather do that than go to some lame ass party and rub up against a drunk boy with no rhythm. thankyouverymuch. although, a little booty dancing is in order every once in a while. yeah. so that interview i was talking about 2 posts ago went pretty good (well?). but the thing is, the job starts this january, and it's in FORT WAYNE INDIANA! so i'd have to pick up and move from my precious little apartment. anyway, i'm bored talking about that. i really am boring talking in general. i think i'm going to go now.

ok so recently i've taken to baking and i think i just made some cookies that were literally slices of heaven ohhh i am going to eat another mmm two sticks of butter mmm

ok i am freaking out right about now. i have an interview tomorrow! with GE! like, for a real job, one that is salaried and shit. oh, and this interview, it's at 11:30.... and i have to go buy a SUIT (really, can you picture me in a suit!!!!) but the mall doesn't open until 10 so i have 1 hour to buy a suit, and some shoes, and some (gasp) pantyhose ew did i just say i'd wear pantyhose? screw that, i'm going w/o... but THEN they will ask me questions... about me and stuff. and if any of you know me, i don't want to sit around and talk about myself... so yeah right about now i am FREAKING out and i am not happy. oh plus my cell phone is being stubborn and won't work, and my ground line doesn't make long distance calls, so i am GRUMPY too. you think i'd feel better ranting, but i need to rant to a person, not a fucking computer.

karma police, arrest this man (big teeth smiley goes HERE)

i think i may have learned more in the last 24 hours than i have in the past 365 days. cool.

is it an insult if someone says you're "demagnetized"? and then calls you a loser? just checking.

okay so this co-op thing i am applying for is scaring the shit out of me.... well, not only is it a 2 year committment (and i'm set to graduate in december 2003) so that pushes back graduation, but i also have to INTERVIEW, which isn't like interviewing for a job at j.crew or pf changs... like a dress-up, answer behavior-based questions, and try to sound really impressive. and make up really lame bullshit answers. i can make myself look good for a retail job or for a waitressing position, but an engineering job? what am i getting myself into? oh, and also, there's a 35% chance IF I GET a position, that it would be out of state. and not like toledo ohio out of state, like california or texas or south carolina or something. yikes. that sounds awesome, but i'm so anti-social when it comes to shit like that that i would probably be a wreck trying to acclimate myself in a new city with not a soul that i know. oh, and how am i supposed to sign a lease for next year if i don't know what and where i'll be going/doing. ahhhhhhhh.

sorry you had to read through all of that, i just had a i'm not really an adult and i think i'll never be an adult attack. if you know what i mean.

ok, so recently i've been thinking... wait, no elipses, just a period. so recently i've been thinking. i think it's the third-year bug. it's weird how cyclical high school and college are... it's a little scary. you know those parody's in the year book of freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors? anyone who went to marian knows what i'm talking about... but anyway, i think the SAME thing goes for college, which is the antithesis of what i imagined college to be like. but that's usual. i guess. alright nothing else to say.

doh! i went home to do laundry (and to celebrate my dad's birthday!) and what do i forget on my drive up to east lansing? my laundry. suuuuuper. now i get (have) to drive home again to go get it. there goes 14 dollars worth of gas. things could be worse.

the last sentence of my last blog was all wrong... i really meant the prospect of a hook up is really almost like being involved with someone. because you are so sure that this vibe you're feeling so hard core, the other person is feeling too, and all of a sudden the both of you will come to your senses and just go at it. of course, in this story, nothing happens, and you just go home and write a blog instead. oh, man.

i was talking to a friend about jealousy. i guess his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with hiim last year, and he was just crushed. now, about 6 months later and whatnot, he has started seeing another girl. he told his ex, who he is still good friends with, and a couple of days later, she started asking him "when are you going to come visit me?" and stuff. totally wants his ass now. POINT of my story. he said something to the effect of girls are fucked up. i agreed, and told him about jealousy. i said girls are the most jealous creatures ever, and it was because of this new chick that the ex was all let's hook up. then he asked me a little more about jealousy, and i made some grand statement that you had to have been involved with someone to be jealous. like, you can't be jealous if matt damon has a girlfriend... if your hot neighbor has a girlfriend, you aren't really entitled to be jealous of her. so, to get to the point of my story once again. i take that back. you can definately be jealous of someone you've never been involved with, because sometimes the prospect of a hook up is more exciting than the hook up itself. and that is all i mean.

is it just me, or are you having a hard time believing people too?

well, nothing i ever say is really mine... so this is from nicole's away message: always behave like a duck: keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like hell underneath
isn't that nice?

oh, only 21 more minutes of my blog's first birthday. the cake was awesome. (Big IM smiley)

ahhhh Esc + 1 + S has once again made me feel 13. when am i going to grow up and start acting normal? two entirely different things, but still. so... no one will hire me. i've done the application thing, the interview thing, the random call up people from the classifieds thing, and i'm still unemployed! shiiiiiiiiiiiit. i know all of you real world friends of mine who have been doing this thing for a while now are used to it, and i'm really not this immature/wimpy/relient type of person, but i can't pay my bills! and i have no cash! and i am in debt! and i cannot find a job! ok, ENOUGH of that, sick. i was interviewed by the state news today! i'm famous twice over. hahaha remember that sick picture of me from last year! hahahahahahah. anyway.

it's almost like i don't know how to blog anymore. fitting seeing as how tomorrow is the day i started my blog last year. hmmm. is Dear Blog, Love Lindsay becomming extinct?

i can already feel the stress of the whole semester for one of my classes. and i don't usually experience stress, i'm lucky like that. any of my die-hard, hard-core blog readers may remember me bitching and complaining about a class i had last fall... statics. well this fall, i am so lucky to be able (barf) to experience the pleasure of taking it's older sister of a class... an even bigger bitch... mechanics of deformable solids. now, what exactly is mechanics of deformable solids, you may ask? yeah, well i ask the same damn thing, cuz hell if i know. ay caramba. anyway, all of this complaining makes me feel like someone who takes everything she has for granted, i'm really not that negative. you know what i do like? when i have an 8 am class, and i have to leave my apartment at 7:15 to walk to class. really, i'm not lying. cuz it's so neat (you read it, neat) that people are UP at 7:15, myself included. and it's so cool in the morning, and when i cut across the lawn to cross the street (i look both ways) my toes get wet from the dew on the grass. i love it! alright, take it easy, gotta end this sometime.

september has begun.

#1 on the list of top 10 scariest/creepiest phone calls......

:::phone rings:::

hello?

hi lindsay, i just wanted to see you pick up your phone.

oooooh i love having internet in my apartment.... big grin.

new address, new phone number, new classes, new neighbors, new job, new start

that was a good one.

i prefer paper to keyboard. that's all the news i have for you now.

so yeah, i started my papers at 7 p.m. last night and didn't sleep at all... sat in this gross ass computer lab for over 12 hours straight before getting a bite to eat, then back here for 3 hours. annnnnnnd now i'm done with them allelejua talk to you later

who am i and why do i feel the need to update my blog 45 times a day? well i am back in the computer lab, still have a bit more to type and all. in the last 48 hours i have gotten 4 hours of sleep... the night before last we went to a club and i lost my key, so once 4 came around and we went home, i had to sleep on my friend's scary floor, very uncomfortable, and woke up at 8, hung over as hell, only to spend all day and all night (tonight/today) writing a stupid ass essay, which i shouldn't even be doing because it's freaking study abroad, but i really would have had finished had i not 1) updated my blog every 10 minutes 2) read everyone else's blog every 10 minutes 3) checked cnn.com every 20 minutes 4) tried to think of other websites that i habitually view but to no avail. so yeah, i've spent A LOT of the last 13 (?) hours or so that i've been here (minus the 1 hour breakfast brooke and i just consumed mmmm mmmm) doing anti-work, and probably only about 40% of my time doing or pretending to do work where as the other 60% i wasn't even pretending to work, so that's what's going on right now and the period goes here finally.

well looky here, it's now 6 am and i am still up, have been in this janky ass computer lab for... god, maybe 11 hours now? i don't know, it's all just chicken shit to me anyway. i think i'm just going to stay up for an hour and a half longer and catch the first round of breakfast. yeah, that sounds good.

ok it' 2:55 in the morning, i have just finished an 11-page paper, i have 2 papers yet to write, probably about 10 more pages or so. but you know why i REALLY love ireland? because i'm sitting in this god forsaken computer lab with a 2-liter of cider. no, not apple cider, the alcohol cider. which is 5.5% alcohol by weight, a whole 25% more than in beer. yes, i said 2 liter. yes, it's slowly being drunk (drank? what-ev) oh but just think i still have to write a whole fucking ten more fucking pages. aww crikey.

make it stop. this really isn't funny anymore, but i guess it never really was funny. shit.

oh my gosh, what am i doing in this computer lab at 10 p.m. with only 1/2 of my first of 3 essays written?! i will not go to bed tonight, i have decided. this is unreal. i've already listened to my phish cd like twice already, i can't find any music on the fucking internet, i want my mp3 list! hell if i am going to be doing homework, i at least have to have some music to listen to! i am going craaaaazy.

why is it that after nearly a month of traipsing around ireland and what have you, now i have less than 16 hours to write over 20 pages of essays pertaining to the literary value of the country, the city, northern ireland's political stance, and gender roles in irish film, poetry, fiction, and theater?

it's weird

dear blog, i am so dr--k right now i'm surprised i got my password right, seeing as how it is so random, just like everything else in my life right now. but i am especially proud right now, though, because although it is 3:32 in the a-m right now, and i am typing without error, but this has taken me 13 minutes so far, because i am correcting myself. what the hell am i talking about, is what i really want to know. i met some guys from dublin tonight, like 20 minutes ago, and i tried to lecture them about peace, about how they and their kids can promote tolerance between them and the north. he really didn't want to hear what i wanted to say, although he did listen to me, thank his soul. so he did listen, but he thought i was full of crap, probably because i told him i was from canada (windsor) and not from the u.s. because i didn't think he'd listen to me if i were from the united states. ok, this blog is getting really boring, but how proud am i that i didn't make any grammatical mistakes (or personal mistakes, although i did think about it) in this super-long, unnecessary paragraph.

what up. i am guilty... guilty of having a computer 5 feet from my bedroom, guilty of checking email every day, guilty of reading all of you fellow bloggers everyday, yet, i do not post. forgive me. ::: ok not that i'm done being a dork :::

i'm not lying, i have to make this quick because i have to be somewhere pretty soon. buttttttttttt, a short post will suffice. so i had a fun experience in the bar a couple of days ago... a guy that i was talking to saw that i didn't have a drink, and was like "hey let's go get a drink." i'm thinking, sweeeeeeet, cuz i didn't have any more money to spend on alcohol, literally i had 15 dollars to spend in a foreign country for the next 48 hours. so we get up to the bar, order and stuff, then he goes "yeah i'd pay for your drink but i'm poor." asshole. he goes to georgetown, i don't think he's poor. so that was my cool experience with a tool-shed. good thing i had money though. why did i even just write that story, now i am the tool.

but anyway, i loved scotland. oh my gosh, it was GORGEOUS. even the city was beautiful. (edinburgh). oh GET THIS! so that night of the aforementioned story, we got home from the bar, i'm laying on my towel in my youth-hostel bed (uhhhhh let's not even go there) and the windows are open, cuz, let's face it, youth hostels have an everlasting stench. not the point though. so just up the street, about 1/2 a mile, rod stewart was playing a concert at the Edinburgh Castle, in the car park. all of a sudden i hear "iiiiiiiiiif you think i'm sexy, annnnnnnd you want my body, cooooooome on baby let me know! na na na naaaaaaah na, na na na na na na naaaaaaaaa, na na na na na na na" for real. it was sweet. that's like my favorite rod stewart song of all times. waaaaaaahooey.

oh, another COOL thing, which makes me feel very COOL, i saw a play here in dublin, called Da, and guess who was in it? kobayashi (sp?) from the Usual Suspects. man, that was soooo cool (said in a surfer accent, which i really did in my head). omg.

alright, well enough of THAT for today. i'll try my best to post more, but i really like reading everyone elses instead, so we'll see about that. ciao.

tomorrow i am going to hop on a bus and go around the coast. our first stop will be wicklow, and we're going to be doing some hiking and what not, after that, who knows. i have a bus schedule, a back-pack, and a credit card. and some friends to come with. it's going to be sweet. hell, even our classes are sweet. tom french came to read his poetry to us, and it was just awesome. we saw about adam in our film class, and i laughed because i had seen it on ch. 12 a few months ago... hardly an irish film classic, but apparently it is. the guinness is mmm mmm good too. next weekend i'm going to scotland! what is in scotland, you may ask? and i may ask you the same question too, because i have no idea. but i'm going. and i'm no longer scared of youth hostels. ; ) as much fun as i am having here, i miss you guys! but i will be home in no time, so i will have as much fun as i can here and then get as much out of my last couple of weeks of summer too in the hills of beverly (and rochester... and b'ham... and troy, yadda yadda). alrighty, i'm off... like a prom dress!

so i'm just chillin in ireland right now. dublin actually, then in a couple of days we're going to go see the irish country side. i have decided i'm not a city girl, but such a statement does not imply my dislike for dublin, because it really is a sweet place. hot boys, plenty pubs, and all that comes with. i won't be "connected" in the country, but that's a good thing. hmmmm what we ARE lacking however is a television. sweet sweet television. j/k kinda. anyway, that's all for now.

another blog from ireland. funny how i don't say much in these (2) blogs. i really don't have much to say though. the rest of the m.s.u. group will be here tomorrow, and i'll be glad for things to really get started. that's it... talk to ya later, readers.

whoa guys, i'm blogging from ireland. just wanted to say hi! take it easy, ok?

hello blog, what is wrong with you. why won't you display? did i say something that offended you?

do you ever feel like you are being watched? i was trying on clothes today and i got that weird feeling. ewww i don't like it. and now, i feel like someone is watching me from the street. isn't that sick?! on to bigger and better things... i had a nice big dinner at p.f. changs, appetizer, entree, dessert, the works. it's things like this that make me happy. good food with good friends. so i got dissed yesterday, and i am still recovering. my admirer at work (the one who feels the need to say "muy bonita chica... mamacita" to me everytime he passes me) asked another co-worker if he thought i was "bonita" as well, and he said no. dissssssssss. oh well. is there a spanish word equivalent to mamacita for a male? if so, please let me know ; ) i must vent for a second... i am staying at a "youth hostel" for 2 days all by myself (well, not literally by myself, but just on my own, not with anyone i know) and let me just say that it's a little freaky. basically it's a big room with a hell of a lot of bunk beds. where i will put my luggage and personal belongings, i have no idea. i will probably stuff my money down my pants or something... oy veh. it's probably one of those things where it will be okay once i get there, i just have no idea what, or who, to expect. the rooms are co-ed, but i think that's a good thing. who knows, we'll see. i bought some more film today... mmm hi ho, did you really need to know that? i plan on taking a hell of a lot of pictures. it's supposed to be so green over there... yeeeeehaw. <------- ahhhh i saw a guy on elimidate who said that. deja vu. ohhhhh my eyes are watering, i am tired and the computer screen glare is killing my little seeing machines. i will leave you all with a little bit of david gray... "singing ain't this life so sweet"

funny thing is, i wasn't really laughing about it when i wrote that. almost crying actually. actually crying at one point. ahhhhhhhh well. so in t-minus-one-week, i'll be in an entirely different place, and i will be having the time of my life.

i am deLUsional... i was very stupid today, but i am laughing about it now.

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved and for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

"so unsexy" alanis morissette, not a big fan of hers, but these lyrics rule

could any more bad things happen to really, really good people? not that i want them to happen to anyone else, but it seems like it's always the nice people whose children drown in the pool of their brand new homes. and i don't want a really mean couple of parents to have their children die, but what the fuck. does anyone else feel too lucky, as though they're probably next on the list? i know it's a very morbid thought, but it's like, i know SO many people who have had HORRIBLE horrible things happen to them, and i feel as if it's only time until something bad is bound to happen to me. i don't like that feeling. at all. please tell me i'm not the only person who ever feels like that.

the problem with not saying something to piss someone off is not saying something that will get you somewhere with the person. hmmm, i'll try and explain this a little: say you and a couple of friends are hanging out with some other not-so-close friends. aquaintances, have you. so let's say you remain plesant, never saying anything that will piss everyone off, so everyone thinks you're nice and a decent human being. but then on the same note, while your friend over there is being brash and, yeah, maybe saying something that offends someone, at least when you part they will remember that. whereas, you will be a background object. like extras in a movie, you know they're there, but you don't pay attention to them. if you don't say something that is at all risky, then you will be the extra. nothing ventured, nothing gained. that is my saying of the moment, not quite my mantra, seeing as how i don't quite live by it, but i love it all the same. i'm entitled to that. guster and john mayer announced they added more tour dates, some of which are after i get back home, anyone up for a roadtrip to, say, nashville? let me know. haha. so on my one day off in the course of 10 days, i am waking up at the butt-crack of dawn (like 6:45) to go see the red wings parade. go wings. i'm not really in the mood to go right now, but i'm sure waking up early in the morning will get me pumped. i never quite know if the sarcasm i use in my head is accurately portrayed on paper (monitor?) but i don't really care that much. i'm going to go sleep on my bed, which has about 4 times too much stuff on it, including my dorm sheets (all washed don't worry) and 2 down comforters, and all of these nasty clothes i am giving to goodwill (why though? why give poor people my nasty clothes, i'm such a bitch), and books, and other shit that inhibits my comfortable sleep. so that's where i'll be. in case you need to find me, invade my dreams. i'll see you there.

but i like it even better when they make me feel good.

i love it when people make me feel like shit.

it's getting hot in here... so take off all your clothes (i am... getting too hot... i'm gonna take my clothes off)

this summer has been great so far... jd's, jd's again which turned into nationals, eucher, java hut like EVERY night, spagos, spangas?, party with scott (hello will), casino windsor, joe vision, 220, making fun of "the corner", hot-tub and being scared of my back yard, staying up til 7 and watching the crows, vics bakery, (nough said), louis runco at 8 am, sleeping until the p.m., what else?!

there is 7 feet of clothing on my bed... let's say the cleaning did not go so well. where will i sleep?

today i will clean.

my mom told me i had a message on the counter when i came home, and i got a little butterfly in my stomach because i thought it maybe could've been you. but the butterfly left after i checked it, and i went about my business.

hmmm maybe i was wrong...

it's so obvious that when you make fun of other people, you are really having insecurities about yourself. so why was i making fun of those people tonight?

customer of the day:

i ask her if she wants me to wrap up her french baguette (a long thin loaf of bread) in a thin paper bag made specifically for the baguette.
she says okay, then watches me put the bag on the bread. she calls out "yeah, i DID want a condom for my bread, thanks!" after i died laughing, i was reborn in time to hear her say "better safe than sorry!"
maybe it was a 'had-to-be-there' moment, but nonetheless, made my last 2 hours of work all the more bearable!
annnnnnnnd i'm done.

i'm so bummed im going to be missing the johnmayer/guster concert this summer. that is like THE PERFECT concert that could exist this summer. all i want is to hear demons and your body is a wonderland live in one night. would be spectacular. oh well.
soooo, dear blog is going to be famous. wait, i think i already wrote that. but i'll say it again. if you search hard, you may be able to find out why. not really though.
every time i see roadkill, i my shoulders literally have a physical reaction. i cannot help but shudder and make a weird throaty noise. it's as normal to me as flinching to something unexpected. which i guess i'm not really doing anymore, so maybe that was a bad analogy. hmm.
i'm sooo looking forward to this summer, but i'm also looking forward to this fall. i think its going to be a lot of fun living sort of on my own, and having a car at my disposal for roadtrips to western to visit kare and jack.
hmmm. what else! i'm so _______ right now i don't know what to write. but rob says "isn't that the point of blogs? "dear blog.... i'm uninspired and i don't know why.... " " so i guess that holds true.
recently i am into making lists. oh my gosh, i am so boring right now. i did not just write that.
how do you get a tissue to dance?
put a little boogey in it.
uhhhhhhhhhhh, let's see. oh, i got invited to a VERY interesting party. but you'll only find out if you ask me about it.
my new years' resolution hasn't come through yet. i am a lazy, lazy ass. i don't keep promises that i make to myself, and that is bad.
if i weren't going to dublin, i could have my credit card paid off. isn't that impressive? i'm so proud of myself! yeeeehaw.
i know it sounds a little... unusual, but i want to go to alaska for spring break. i know, i know. it's probably a phase. but i don't want to go get drunk for hours on end and fry my body and try to not get taken advantage of on some run down florida beach. i don't really know what's in alaska, but oh hell, i want to go. anyway.
i'm bored with this blog and am going to end it now.

THE EMBARASSMENT

UPDATES

20010910 eight: is there a difference between attraction (physical and or sexual, if there's a difference) and wanting someone?
ummmmm yeah. there definately is. this is me answering my past self's question. duh, why did i even ask that?
20010915i was pissed but i'm not anymore. not worth it.
SO TRUE.
20011001i am a wimp. i am strong.
STILL SO TRUE.
20011025i think i stepped in something yucky today, on my way to work. something from a tree, whatever it is, it's on my shoe and smells gross. things could be worse.

hmmm i don't know, that's pretty sick... what else could be worse than that?......
20011118i keep on saying i think i am over a boy. i am. i swear. i'm like 99% over.
or, you know, like give or take 98 %... meaning 1% over him. j/k not that extreme. i just think that i will have an eternal thing for this one guy, who i really talk to more in some imaginary world than i do in via computer or (gasp) in real life.
20011208do you ever just want to walk into a room yelling "fuck y'all, all y'all, if y'all don't like me: blow me" ? just wondering.

hahahahahahah i love when i'm in moods like these!
20020111 i love any/all forms of non-reciprocity...

yes, the non-reciprocity still plagues me. i love it though, like i said before. and when i say love, i mean hate.
20020305melisa and i are going to run a marathon.
um yeah, except i don't think that's humanely possible. i think if i tried to run from my house to across the street, i'd keel over and have an attack. yeah, it's called "out of shape". blah.
20020426one day i'm going to quit writing long, personal blogs, only to highlight them and press delete. i will, i swear.
yup, definately didn't keep that promise. there are so many things i write and then erase, it's not even funny. i think i write them to erase them specifically.

that's really it. that was less fun than i thought it would be. but going over old blogs is fun for a few minutes. it's kind of weird that i have some sort of journal thing on the internet, where people read it. cuz sometimes i talk like i would just normally write in a journal. weird. cool but weird. anyway, my eyes hurt, and i just washed my sheets, damn. guess i'm sleeping on the couch? ttfn (<---------- remember lilly kare? hehe)

BLOG

so i work in a food market. in the bakery. annnnnd i'm the only person in the bakery, so i take care of all of the customers, never get a break, etc. so i'm slicing bread for someone, and an old man comes up and is just standing there politely. even though he wasn't being rude and demanding my service immediately, i called out to him "hi i'll be with you in just a second." and then - this 70-something man! - replied "i'd wait forever for you". i almost pissed my pants, didn't even try to hide a silent laugh and a big grin. oy veh, that job is a trip. not really, but i like to make the things i do sound more important than they really are. [insert IM smiley face sticking out tongue]

oh get this:

do the kirby <('.'<) <( '.' )> (>'.')>

do you see it?!
lol.

things i want to say right now:
don't work around food if your intentions are to lose weight.
don't talk to me if all you're going to talk about is yourself.
don't let the stupid, little things get to you.
don't take everything for granted.
ok, that sounds like a lot of don't...
do work out if your intentions are to lose weight.
do call me so we can have a two-way conversation.
do let the important things get to you, and do overlook the silly things.
do cherish how blessed you are.

hope all are having a wonderful summer, if summer is what they are on. for all of you non-home-for-the-summerers, hope all is well too~

i have the intention of writing a blog right now.

check post jan 11 2002. that again.
but, i have a new song that makes me get all dreamy and hopeful. i love those songs.
for some odd reason, east lansing just DIDN'T want to let go of me. it held me hostage for about 6 hours, but that's okay, after i assured him i was coming back, he finally loosened his grip and i was free to go.
it feels so good to be home. i love changes of scenery. and being home makes me realize even more what i want out of life. it points me in the right direction, and affirms my sense of self. this is good!
oh, the feeling to be getting 4.0's.... ahh it feels good. hey, just allow me a few seconds to brag, okay?
gotta go do some more unpacking. i bid you adieu.

i must admit i am sad to be leaving snyder phillips. but be assured, snyphi, this is not the last you will see of me!
what a fun year.
to all of my friends, i love you!
~lindsay

top five things you may not know about me
1.) my best friend rhian and i, in 6th grade, went around to houses soliciting donations to a made up charity field trip, took the money we got (yes we did get money) and bought cigarettes. 11 years old...
2.) when i was 4, i was at the doctors getting a shot, and i threw up, fainted, and wet my pants all at once. hahahahahahaha. what a freak.
3.) senior year of high school, i had a "oh my gosh that is the man i am going to marry" moment and sometimes i still believe it
4.) i have never had a boyfriend.
5.) i had a seance in my backyard where my friends and i promised to be friends forever, and i don't talk to any of them.

i'm sure that is all information that you really needed/wanted to know. no, more like it's stuff that i get all nostalgic at... gotta love nostalgia.

i forget how the quote exactly goes, wait, i'll look it up, hold on a sec (as if blogger is going to go away...)
"Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth." this is a quote from the sunscreen song by baz.l. but written by mary schmich.
damn, even though it's so cliche (if that even? i like to use words i'm not 100% sure about appropriateness, another nice word linds), even though it's so cliche, i love the sunscreen song. i may just post the whole damn thing......
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99.....Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power of beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You're not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing that everyday that scares you.
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either- your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess to much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...

love it. gotta go. ttyl. ciao.

i have a sinking feeling that when i finally do come to my senses, it will be too late, and i will regret that forever. i hate foreshadowing regret. nothing is worse than being passive.

aw man, the state news' last edition was friday. dammit!

i like to boogie on a saturday night.

here's my story for today:

so i'm riding my bike, and i see a man dressed in a black suit, pushing a cart, a big industrial cart, with what looked like a dead body. wrapped in black plastic garbage bags, tape was wrapped around it, and it's legs were sticking out, with pants and shoes on it. i said "holy fuck" under my breath and kept on biking.
a little further up, i see a dead body wrapped in the garbage bags again, this time propped up against the bus stop right outside of bessey hall. i stop my bike, just linger there for a second. this time i said "what the FUCK?" out loud, to the dead body, thinking that candid camera would pop out and play a joke on me or something. i looked around for other students, some were approaching, and i was already freaked the fuck out, so i rode on. my heart was pounding, i just wanted to get the hell back to my dorm room.
so i run upstairs, and relay the whole story to bridge totally out of breath, sweating, freaking out. she is intrigued, and said "well let's go." so bridge and i run back over there, and she points to a different guy now, rolling one of the bodies on the cart. except his cart is one of those dolly's, so the body is being pushed upright, but it's kind of slouching over. of course, this is all happening right outside of the auditorium, sort of by The Rock, where about 30 kids are standing or walking.
this is about when we suspect this is some sort of sick joke, some stupid goth-wannabe fuckers who are desperate losers. so he readjusts the body, and starts to wheel it by about 15 people waiting for the bus. the kids are all kind of freaking out, they have looks of horror on their faces, cuz it was a pretty sick sight. right as he's wheeling by, the guy i saw earlier comes with his dead body, and they together roll their bodies towards the back of the auditorium. at this point, i start running towards these two guys, and i yelled "what the fuck are you doing?" yeah, they didn't answer. surprise. so now i'm pissed, cuz not only are they some sick fucks trying to pull some stupid act, but they won't even respond to people. so bridge and i go around the other way, to cut them off. we eventually find them at kresge art center, hidden by the river, standing amongst themselves, a group of about 10 people all dressed in black, the black garbage bags flapping in the wind on the ground. they are sitting there laughing about the reactions of the people. at this point, i am fuming.
i was this close to calling the police, i was so pissed. if these stupid kids are going to "make a statement", then fuck, they should make the fucking statement instead of just doing it and not backing themselves up. they were cowards, ignorant people who just wanted to freak others out. so after i decided not to call the police (cuz what could the police really do about it?) bridge and i just stood there, watching them. i stared them down for about 5 minutes. they looked over at me, and i just stared, and then a few of them waved at me, a sick wave, and i yelled "yeah, good times" in a sarcastic tone and just remained standing there, totally grimming them down. i think they got a little nervous, cuz i just stood there, and one guy balled up the garbage bags and threw them in the garbage. they sort of broke up, a few went inside, two wheeled the dolly and cart back inside the building. bridge and i finally left after a good 5-minutes of staring at them.
yeah, you'll see my published letter to the State News in a later blog, i'll assure you that.

one day i'm going to quit writing long, personal blogs, only to highlight them and press delete. i will, i swear.

bow chicka PORK CHOP!
i'll be your pork, if you stick it to me
pork: the other white meat
you make me wanna... be a butcher
pork pork pork CHOP!

had to be there. long live the chops.

it scares me that i'm more than half done with college.

it's ridiculous how i've gone from fine to very sick within 12 hours. i feel like shit. like a big pile of it, too. and i've realized that it's been soooo long since i've been taken care of. i think i'm too independant acting. even if i got sick in high school (meaning at home), i usually held my own and medicated myself, got myself what i needed, etc. not that no one offered, i just did it myself. i still do. but right now, i don't want to take care of myself. i want to be taken care of. i want to just go to bed. i think i will.

i think i scrubbed my tongue with my toothbrush too hard, cuz everything i eat is super sensitive on the tongue. anyway, had a fabulous weekend, which will be documented in my other blog mmmhiho.blogspot.com. on another note, MAD props to jeremy, my hero and roxanne (you'd get bold if you had a penis rox) for helping me with the loft!!!!! you guys are my favorites.
and my final thought of the night is a quote, which is to be prefaced by the blurb that roxanne and i were walking back from lot91 in the rain, with long pants on, therefore she and i rolled them up, me in flip flops, rox in brown clogs with navy socks:
L: "rox, i gotta say... your feet are lookin' pretty butch there."
R: "did you just call my feet butch? i happen to think my feet are my best quality, aside from, of course, my breasts.
L: "yeah, from knees down, def. butch"
R: [pouts]

i just lost a *super long* post. do you want to know how/why i lost it?!
i highlighted the whole thing to copy and paste just in case blogger fucked up, and guess what happened? it disappeared as i ctrl+c'ed it. fucking a.

blog, my skin is pink and i have a bottle of aloe in the fridge. ; )
mother nature is my fairweather friend, literally.
amen to nice weather. no wonder so many people are born around 9 months after the weather turns nice... ; )
back to the books. it's funny how i don't actually use books anymore though, just the damn computer.
email me: smithL52@msu.edu

this weekend officially lasts forever. this is a good thing.
~pokey stix
~random sleep over at brox's and going to bed at 7 am
~sweetest thing
~nationals @ home
~sitting in birmingham
~sleeping in til 2:30
~party turned dennys turned fight club
~taking up the futon, sorry about that, you shoulda pushed my ass over!
~arabic/chinese picnic
~freckles on my nose
~the practice, reaffirming my sneaking suspicion that the world is doomed
~racing against time to finish capa
~nice hot shower with paul mitchell ; )

only 3 more weeks left in this semester. mixed feelings about this one. seeing as how that marks the end of my second year. which is kind of sad considering i'm set to graduate a semester early with the scheudle i have. so i'm more than half done with college. everyone is in such a rush to get out, "only 3 more weeks!" or "i can't wait to get out of this shithole!" but then you move home or get bored in the summer or it's too hot here and the grass is always greener, you know?

anyway.


more later i guess. the train sounds.

blog, tonight i feel gross.kare and i are going into a poppit chat room. gtg. brb. <----- i'm 12, sue me.

yesssss. wednesday night go to sleep at 4, sleep in through my accounting class (first and only one i will miss, go me!) and wake up at 1p.m. on the most gorgeous day of the year thus far. oh well. then, thrusday night, after giving jeremy a facial, watching smelly boys play hockey, and eating a 16" pokey stix, we decide to go to brox's at 4 am. finally slept at 7 a.m. apparently was talking in my sleep (cuz i'm cool like that) and woke up at 10 a.m. yesssss. love it.
so came home for the night. took home like half of my room. sweet. it's really cool how i have the mini-room though now, with no room to spare. i have no clue where anything is going to go! yessssss. i like saying yessssss. allison is currently making fun of me. well at least i don't not call my boyfriend back. brat. booya. oh wait, do i have a boyfriend? that's right.
help me, i'm in a nutshell.

sad that the first thing i think when i wake up on monday's and wednesday's is "Shit! what excuse can i concoct for being late to work again?!"

here's the picture: friday night, karin has come up here to chill for the night, i fall asleep in my bed, karin's chillin on the futon, we're waiting for boys to call us, never did, decide we are hungry, and decide that ordering food this very second is essential.

first: we call jimmy johns. #4 and #5. make it pronto
next: we call papa johns. large pizza, pepperoni and pineapple, please.
then: bridget walks in, "i'm ordering chinese, want any?" now hot and sour soup and eggrolls are on their way.

45 minutes later: ugggggghhhhhhhhhhh. we cannot move. we are stuffed silly. our clothes do not fit anymore. it was just great.

fast forward to midnight, when we decide to head on over to brox's house: me, sitting in the passenger seat, jaw drops at the sight of jamal standing in line to get into a bar. i just about died, silently though, i was good. so we're chillin at brox's, and tara shepard walks in. random. that was a fun night, just chillin with people i know. i much rather would do that than go to some party where i don't know anyone except the people i came with. i feel home when i see the faces that remember my own.-oar

saturday
the scene: kalamazoo, michigan. hanging out with jack and jen, our gracious hosts. got a george foreman style grill thing from jack - most usefull present ever. i'm debating if i want to use it quite yet, but i think i'm going to wait until the fall so it'll be brand spanking new. wrapped in wwf wrapping paper and everything. neat-o. love jack. so we head over to her friend robbie's party. except funny thing: we knock on the door. people answer. look at us like "hello? can i help you" and we were like "hi the party has arrived." i guess robbie wasn't there, and his friends didn't know who we were, so we were like "uhhhh can we come in anyway?" real cool. good times. well robbie was out buying a tap for the keg. comes back 10 minutes later with a new tap. new tap is broken. swell. once it was all straightened out, it was all good. found out i have yet another blog reader!!! i think that brings the tally up to 4 or 5 now. yeeee-haw. oh, another random thing: we see this guy that we met at matt/brox/rob/james' christmas party! so random. i swear, out of all the people i meet, i see most of them again. i mean, non-friends people i know. you know?

sunday morning, or is it afternoon? did we change the clock?
rox and i head out to find bagels, we are all pretty much still sitting with alcolhol in our system (you'd think mine would have come out with the 2 times i barfed, but what do you know, i'm still alcoholy), we set out for food.
an hour later, what should have been a 10 minute trip, prolonged by us getting lost, us stopping twice for directions, us stopping so i can half-barf in a kindgergarten parking lot, we stuff ourselves silly with like 5 bagels apiece. then make fun of how everyone got a piece. hahahahaha.

good times had by all

is ray charles still alive? if so, i want to book him for my wedding to sing "you are so beautiful"

funny thing of the week: my chiropractor asking me if i was planning on waiting to have children.
my response: yeah, waiting for YOU

my real response: yeah, let's see if i can get married yet... there's a start
what i was really thinking: okay, let's see if i can get a 2nd date with a guy...
what i was really thinking: okay, let's see if i can get a date with a guy...

oh dream-maker, you heart-breaker, where ever you're going, i'm going your way" moon river

you're okay, but you're jealous, but you're okay" smooth criminal

i will build a wall... saw it coming from a mile away. i'm not scared - try, wear your insides out. i don't even try." rainy day

sometimes i'm to scared to even try" happy frappy

eyes back and fast asleep, if you could see what i could see..." barrel of a gun

stand back you're dancing kinda close" too close

you want to hate me now, but i won't stop now" little things

darling, i can see you're dreaming, i don't want to wake you up when i close the door" this old house

well i've gone to shorten my road with a fist full of matches but nothing to strike" bullet holes

ego-maniac in the brain-iac, don't know how to act" rock superstar

i said how about an hour ago" conquering fools

i try to forget you, i try to stay away, i'm never over you. there's something about you." back to you

suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind." again

looking for some action, i can't rest til i find satisfaction" rhyme for the summertime

i listen to the wind of my soul, where i'll end up, well i think only god really knows" the wind

mmm p.f.'s... thanks so much girls, i love you!
and the party definately DID end once we left... "tim" and his friends proved that one.
so my mom and brother are flying down to florida for 3 days on a whim. why couldn't i be part of this whim?! for real.
i am quite delusional, though. there is so much shit going on that i am aware of, but not comprehending. such as 18 year old girls strapping on explosives and then going into the busy part of town to blow up herself and hopefully some others? what IS that? that is a whole other universe apart from mine, one i read about from the comfort of my high-speed internet computer in my suburban american household. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about being so lucky (cuz really that's all it is) but it just doesn't *click that shit like that really happens. duh, i say this about everything though. trite, i know.
i was reading over some stuff that i keep at home (cuz i'm at home right now) and i came to a poetry book and yeah, what i was thinking i was going to write, i'm not going to write anymore. not going to delete either. so nevermind.
so i think i'm going to graduate december 2003. this is scary. but the most sensible thing, all things (credits/classes) considered. so i think i'll just tool around east lansing for that extra semester working and what not? who the hell knows. it's a big WE'LL SEE. or, rather, I'LL SEE. cuz there sure as hell is no "we" when it comes to me.
my sister has a boyfriend, my brother has a girlfriend, hell my DOG has a boyfriend! ahhhhh spring fever is coming about. <----what the hell does that even mean, i just said it to say it? why am i saying hell so much tonight. it's easter, i shouldn't be swearing.
oh it's also mike's birthday. i don't think you read my blog, but if you do, CHEERS!
i like how i said i was going to run a marathon. that was a pretty funny joke. don't you get it? ha ha.
i've been reading a novel set in dublin, i got an "ireland for dummies" book from rox and kare, and let's just say, i'm getting pretty excited! waaaahooey
oh and seeing oar/guster/g.love/phantomplanet/howieday/jackjohnson all in about 3 weeks.... pretty outta control on my scale. schwing.
i'm so glad flip-flop season is on it's way.
ohhhh whoops. i was supposed to find a job for the 2 months of summer this weekend. anyone want to hire me to, i don't know, get their mail? do their nails? scratch their back? let me know.
i am retiring to my bed. i'll catch you all on the flip side.

so much to say.

i'll show you a number.....

20

yeeeeehaw it's mah birth-day!

numbers

43 - days until the semester is over
3 - approx. months until i leave for ireland
7 - dollars in my checking account saved for ireland
1011 - dollars i owe on my visa and i need to pay in aforementioned time until i leave for ireland so that i can put that much back on it once there
4 - time i woke up this morning having to pee like a racehorse and turn off the t.v.
1 - number of hours i added to my time sheet at work
5 - number of extra days to be spent in purgatory for the above sin
6 - number of extra dollars i will get for lying on my time sheet
1.2 - dollars per day in purgatory
3 - number of really good concerts i will see in a short period of time
70 - dollars spent on concerts
380 - number of really good song currently listening to in winamp
20 - my age in a few short days
29 - my 'proof'
5 - exams i had last week (i'm over it)
2 - number of 4.0's i got on my exams
49 - lowest percentage on my exams last week
2 - times i reacted physically to being scared at work
0 - number of really nice things that have been said to me today
100 - how much percent i'm over it
14 - on a scale of 1 to 17 how much i love sleeping in
12 - how many ants i killed yesterday in my room
11 - how many dead ants went in my roommates garbage
1 - how many dead ants stayed on the floor
0 - number of dead ants that went in my garbage
2 - number of ants i have killed since i started this blog
100 - percent of how much disgusted all 2 of my blog readers will be after reading that
84 - temperature of my body right at this moment
11 - windchill outside
8 - how many hours of sleep i intend to get if i finish this blog soon
alright finished. laaaaaaaater.

ok you know those tests "how drunk are you" "how addicted to aol instant messenger are you" etc.
so the drunk one....... i am 29 proof.
pathetic

i have 5 exams in 1 week.
i don't think this will EVER happen to anyone EVER.
it certainly is proof that there is an evil force in this universe.
certainly.

ugh

what i learned from the palm-reader:
i am rational, analytical
i always ask "why", but sometimes that's good cuz i can ask "why" about god. i can be spiritual too.
i do not show my emotions very well, but that's what is valued in today's society.
my fate and my love lines intersect, many people's don't.
i have a teachers' square on both hands.

come on, lady. tell me something i don't know.

i think i am going to make my m.s.u. webpage again. html is fun.

i am starving

i wish i had one of those mice that has the scrolly thing inbetween the buttons.

blog. how am i going to live without the internet next year? i am going to miss it so badly. )_:

125.

big yawn
bigger sigh
and extremely long
blink of the eye

an original by yours truly

onehundredtwentyfour

someone once told me that when you spell out numbers, such as the example above, that you don't put spaces in it.

is this true?

onehundredtwentythird blog

it took me like 5 minutes to count them all.
department of police and public safety came and inspected my room over spring break. yeah, i'm a badass.
(if only you knew why...)
i have another blog reader. i'll take that link off if you want me to.
today is my grandpa's birthday. he'd be around 77.
we lost power for about 24 hours. what did they DO back in the days they didn't have electricity! for real... no t.v., computer, phone, stove, fridge, garage door, furnace, NOTHING. holy crapola, just think. no instant messagener. they said i'm only 40-something addicted, i say they're wrong.
i think these next 7 weeks will be lonnnng.
i like when i can't pay my bills. that's really fun, you should try it sometime. maybe we can get together and not pay bills. good times.
i can't think of anything else that i want to say that can't be held against me.
and with that, i retreat to my bed.

i love, love, looooove, looooooooooooove it when people presume things about me! just love it


i am in a tennis-shoes sort of mood. this isn't the mood i desire, i want to feel more like a heel. i don't know how to make the transition. i'm not talking about footwear.


what to do.

i'm such a chicken.

michigan sure ain't no cancun mexico, but spring break has been awesome thus far. i've really enjoyed hanging out with my friends. alpena was surely eventful... getting a FLAT tire, we're talking, driving on the rim flat. like ALL of the air was just gone. cuz that was cool. jacking up the car in 5 degree weather. fun stuff. took us 7+ hours to get up there, 4 hours to get back. snowing BULLETS just about the entire way up there. the next day was spent shovelling, yes that's right. and we didn't have snow shovels either... we had DIRT shovels. there was about 3 feet of snow, and melisa's driveway was about 50 feet long. yeah, so do the math and that's about 3000 cubic feet, BUT with those puny dirt shovels. *oh boy, was it fun. once we dug ourselves a driveway, we headed "into town" and saw the britney spears movie. i actually thought it was good. i know that brings any sort of credibility as a movie-goer down by about 2 points, but whatever. it was cute. on the way home, what do we see but a little black pudgy dog. there was NO way that dog was going to stay out there, so we loaded the collarless pooch into the back of the car. at first, he stayed in the garage, because they didn't think it was a good idea for him to come inside, but i went to check on the poor thing at 2 a.m. and he was shaking, so i was like, yo this dog is coming inside, like it or not. poor thing woulda froze to death. he woke up and started crying, probably missed his home! i made some calls, cuz i'm cool like that, and he was picked up that morning. so we go into alpena again, to get a spare tire, and let me tell you... if we didnt look like spoiled brats from the city, i don't know who does. it was humorous, and not in a condescending way. more of in a if-only-you-girls-knew sort of way. it was just painfully obvious that we are very much so still dependant on our parents. but i guess we're lucky in a way we'll never comprehend at the very same time. so we're coming back to alpena, going around a curve, and what do you know? slush decides to spin us out of control and, you guessed it, into a 4+ feet embankment of plowed snow at the side of the road. *real cool. i'm about to pee my pants because i just have to, and plus the fact that i have clogs on, and i dont' think i can open my car door because the snow is so freaking deep and i think i'm going to have to crawl out of the window. THANK GOD melisa put the gloves and boots in the car, or else i seriously would have turned into an icicle right then and there. so we start digging. wait. no, we walk to the nearest house and ask for some shovels, then start digging. a kind older gentleman stops to help us, bless his heart, and eventually a dude in a truck pulled us out. nevermind that it was just as we were finishing up the snow removal process, but you gotta love those up-north people. always willing to lend a helping hand. came back tuesday and chilled with the girls at karin's house. good times. wednesday, let's just say that my friends inspire me. kk is the strongest person i know. thursday, went up to the farm, an experience not to forget. attica, home of zehr farms. like jeremy said, they own the town. tomorrow, tomorrow is homework time. well, first i am going to sleep in. in my dinky new room. it's midget. alex now gets my palace of a bedroom, and i am stuck with the rinky dink room, but it's all good. i'm over it. so sleeping in, probably watching t.l.c. all day long, then doing homework for probably 15 minutes before i'm distracted with instant messenger (cuz people are almost on over spring break) and the television. i lead a very exciting life, can't you tell. i think i'll pamper myself tomorrow too. take a bath, maybe shave my legs, do a facial, etc. ooooh i can't wait for my massage... well, actually, not really, cuz then that means i have to endure those 5 exams... grrrrrr. makes me want to puke. why am i telling you this? ah, but you're still reading. nevermind. now i'm looking up marathon running guides. yikes, this'll be a hoot, me training for a marathon?! let me first try passing my classes, then we can talk about running. hehehe. okay, enough of this for tonight. laters skaters.

melisa and i are going to run a marathon. anyone who wants to join us is welcome, i just had to document this so we can't back out of it and look like assholes. 26.2 miles baby. it will be done.

coming attractions: spring break 2002

aardvark kicks ass.
happy birthday jack - i love you
men from livonia who come to bars solo ~ sick
unattended birmingham houses-hot
never able to find parking.
peeing in fucking detroit.
good night to all.

i had the best night tonight!!

happy birthday jack - i love you.

blog, spring break starts today. i'm staying in the wintry state of michigan, but all is good. i am going to study this spring break, and i am okay with this. i do not tell a lie. i do not joke. i go tonight to peppers to celebrate a birthday, then off to alpena tomorrow for some r&r. back to beverly hills, hanging out with a friend who'll be just a snitch under the weather until she is her hot old self again, off to ride a bull @gremy's, and such. i switched rooms with alex tonight. now the little booger gets my luxury size room, and i get the puney one. but considering i don't live here anymore

can't finish now. byeybe

have you ever been in such a not-good mood that even the sound of someone else laughing pisses you off that much more?

and by not-good, i don't mean "bad mood". well i do, but not in the typical pissed off mood. just not-good, as in not-good. enough fucking said.

and sympathy can fuck itself.

i got a 15 dollar gift certificate to express in the mail today. merry christmas!

like whoa. forgot about you.
the other blog just is way more fun. no offense. i'll post something later, i gotta take a shower now... miss me.

an ode to maybe: "what you need i hope it finds you"

i sympathize with the sky: i feel polluted.

it's the eve of my first test....oooh i'm nervous. my goal this semester is a 3.8125. i figured it out today in econ (one of the classes i can "afford" to not get a 4.0 in). hopefully this will count towards my goal. cross your fingers for me. if every semester was like this, i'd stay in school forever. class is actually interesting. this is something new for me. i like it. back to the books!
p.s. sorry my life may not sound too exciting right now. but if you ever want to talk about ground water hydraulics or standard deviations, give me a call.

do you ever feel like your identity is being taken away from you? just wondering

it dawned on me yesterday that i won't ever live at my house again. it was such a sad realization, and yet at the same time i wondered why some people i know didn't look back once they moved out. i actually know someone who is completely moved out of her house - every time she goes back to her parents, she's a guest. i realize that because i feel sad about not living at home ever again (and this is just me thinking according to my plans, not that my parents are kicking me out or telling me i can't live here anymore) that in actuality, i'm very, very lucky. because i associate "home" with positive things, things i will miss. the people i know who have no qualms about living somewhere else are the people who have nothing going for them at home. and that is sad too.
also on the way home i had a conversation for the ninetyseventh time, and it's just so funny how i keep on saying the same thing over and over again. it's really getting old, having that conversation. really.
five months until study abroad. wah-freaking-hoo! (oh, and i'm going to stop swearing too.) i should be getting my passport soon, and you know what else i have to do............ get my shots. ugh, just typing that makes me queasy. ahhhhhhhh. i wish they could like drug me up before doing anything. ew i have to get like 5. no, only like 3, but still. i'm such a freak.
my head really hurts. i never get headaches. boooooo.
it was funny, i bought pants yesterday, and they were 2 sizes too small. i didn't try them on or anything, i get home, and what do i know? yeeeeeah i wish i was that size! that must have been my sub-conscious acting (2nd reference to that in the past 2 blogs, coincidence).
"you know what panda's like for lunch? they like bamboo"
i have my first test of the semester this wednesday. and it's in my favorite class, too. so i'm hoping to do well. i studied for the first time ever this semester (and it was for my least-favorite and hardest class) on thursday night. this is a good sign. it took at least 2 1/2 months last semester to get me to study. i'm on a roll.
what i'm not on a roll on is my new years resolutions. i'm actually trying to keep mine. or achieve mine i should say. i've wasted about a month, though, so i need to get my act in gear and really try and get this accomplished. once january 3rd comes around, most people forget about them completely, but mine's still burning a hole in my head.
i want to pull a winona and just go on a shopping rampage... don't you ever just feel the need to buy (well, in her case, steal, but i won't judge her!) something? i want new things. i'm sick of my old things.
"i know i'm not a hopeless case" just sung to me on my cd player, and made me feel good. yay. happy groundhogs day people. (read the bottom of my post on jan.30 to get my true affinity for today). take it easy fellas. i'm signing off.

if i could talk to my sub-conscious, i'd sing "hey girl come with me and let yourself go" and then i'd paint her a picture of purples and blues with a touch of yellow, and then i'd put pink lip gloss on her lips and close the lid to her head and send her off to class.

i am a pre-teen. i will always have a crush on an unmentionable boy, as will my other blog co-writer. she ran into hers today, and then i made her call him. we were giggling. we are twelve. i still blush and turn pink. i am silly.
outkast is dressed up like transvestites, and the girl from I AM SAM is a 25 year old stuck in a 7 year olds' body. and yes, jay leno has a big chin, but it's cute ; )
i'm so cancelling my chiro appt. tomorrow! it's SNOWING!!!
annnnnd i'm off... like a prom dress. night blog.

my computer is an asshole.

what a retarded-ass post from last night. i'm so stupid sometimes. i wish i could insert one of those AOL instant messenger smiley faces here though, the one that looks like he's drunk. yeeeeeah.

ok so i was talking to these 2 girls tonight about their boyfriens, ok not cool. i mean cool as hell.
but c ome one. where are you?
come on already.
i just got nice and sick in the toilet.
mmmmmmmm GROSS>., sorry guys.
ok i gotta go the glare of the comp. is keeipng people up. and like asleep up, none of that shit here.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.000000000 lindsmith.

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--an ad in friday's State News