Wednesday, December 28, 2005

So you know what makes for a funny-slash-awkward time? When the guy you are sort of dating meets your best friend and her boyfriend for the first time (in addition to the fact that this is the first time you've ever laid eyes on him, too) (your friend's boyfriend, not the guy you are sort of dating, although that would make for a good story too, no?) and the bestfriend's boyfriend - now called BFB - goes to the guy you're kinda-sorta dating "So... you're the infamous (insert name)" like totally out of the blue. Like, ummm, dude, I just met you, let alone this guy, so what exactly do you know about him?? OMG too funny.

ALSO, another funny-slash-awkward time? When you overhear the following conversation, and you happen to kinda-sorta know the guy...

GUY and GIRL in line at the coffee shop, trying to sober up, I assume, just as I am. GUY BEHIND THE COUNTER obviously knows the GIRL, and says to her:
"GIRL, you should have like a calendar for me, with different guys' pictures on it so I can keep them straight."

HELLLLLLLLLO. Awkward! And then GUY goes "Well.... that makes me feel real [sic] good." Cuz seriously, what do you say to that?!?! I tried to make sympathetic eye-contact with him, but I think he avoided it, and rightfully so. I would have done the exact same thing. Except the point where he proceeded to the couch and made out with her anyway, I would have been crying in the bathroom. Subtle differences, not important.

Anyway, so my week off is like 40% over. It's kinda depressing, although it does mean I'm that much closer to a couple of sweet ass vaca's I have lined up. Holla!

Ummm what else? I got Ugg slippers for Christmas, I really think it changed the quality of my life, in all seriousness. Now, I think of time in a much more simple way, much like most of the world uses BC and AD... for me, though, it's more like BUS and AUS, for "Before Ugg Slippers" and "After Ugg Slippers." I've said it before and I'll say it again, they're like a wet dream for your feet.

Chew on that.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Honestly! This will be my last list/post or questionaire/post or whatever it is. I promise. It's the same thing I posted last year.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Took a business trip. (Lame!) It was to Mexico, though, and I flew out there by myself (met up with my co-worker there though) but I officially felt like an adult at that point.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Fuck that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, yet another year in which I know no one who has to deal with hemmeroids and breast pumps.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico, see aforementioned business trip. Kinda borrrrring.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Resolve, attitude, fancy jewelry.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
It's kinda sad, but I don't really have one! I'm running through the months, and nothing's popping out at me. :(

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being employed? Paying off my credit cards... but that goes hand-in-hand with #6 (see: Resolve) as I promptly began charging things again and once again have the cc debt. I'm such a Debbie!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Okay, I guess I got a little ahead of myself, cuz that was a failure. Also, I dropped out of a class I signed up for at the local community college because I "didn't have time to prepare for the class". Such bullshit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. I did throw up in a bar once. I felt sick and just knew that I had to ralph, so I lined the floor of the bathroom with a couple of layers of toilet paper, ditto to the toilet, and proped my elbows on the john and puked the last 4 meals up. Nice story!!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Two pair of fabulous pants that make me look like I have a great ass.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Credit card and student loan payments.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Kissing a boy who gives me butterflies.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? indifferent
ii. thinner or fatter? same, i think
iii. richer or poorer? richer, holler at a 401k and salary!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Moping and waxing depression

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
In Saginaw with my dad's sister's family

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Kare won this award again in 2005. Although, 9 times out of 10, when my work phone rings, it's Roxanne.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Laguna Beach.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Naw.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Lovely Bones, Lucky, both by Alice Sebold

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Keane, Death Cab for Cutie

28. What did you want and get?
A new winter jacket

29. What did you want and not get?
To buy a house (see how the thing I wanted and got was trivial, and the thing I wanted and did not get is like a Big Thing? My priorities are reeeeeally straight.)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Before Sunset (first time viewed this year, I'm the judge and I say that is ok even though it's an '04 film)

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Called in sick to work, went and got a massage and lunch at my favorite sandwich shop, where I splurged and got a milkshake. Ummm that's kind of a sad story.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To have enjoyed going to work more...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Accept my size and buy clothes that actually fit well. That, and I'm still all about accessorizing! Holla

34. What kept you sane?
Actually, living with my family...

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gwenyth and Britney, Heath and Zach

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
This whole Capital Punishment thing... I don't get it?

37. Who did you miss?
Allison!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My co-workers... Lori, Cat, Lambros, Bob, Jack, Julie, Luis, Mark, Nick, Ian, Jennifer. They're really cool people.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
It's really important that you like what you do... because if not, 8-5 will go by so fucking slowly it's not even funny. It's not a lesson-LEARNED, per se, as it is a lesson-REALIZED, as I have not yet learned from this situation as I am still in it...

40. Quote a song/movie lyric that sums up your year:
YES: Jimmy's XMas Party 05... hot cheese poured on the chest, Jimmy almost being sessually assulted and my coming to the rescue (it doesn't happen often, so I gotta brag when I can...), and Brussel Sprouts pop.
NO: Death Cramps for Cutie waking me up this morning at 8am, and not going away any time soon. Begone! uterine contractions from hell!
HEY: I need a haircut!
HO: Yo mamma!
HIGH: ...is not my tolerance level for jerk-off drivers.
LOW: ... is my bank account, woe be to it.
HELL: Sitting on Santa's lap,
NO: way am I doing you a favor if it involves 1) me putting on real clothes 2) if it involves me moving 3) if it involves me going outside 4) if it involves me in any way. I'm a cold-hearted bitch!

Alas, that 'list' is through, with nary a funny or enlightening quip. HOWEVER. It did highlight a few good things. But actually. I don't want to elaborate.

My boob is itchy, in other news, but moreso the area that connects to the arm. My feet are freezing. Winter air is harsh.

It's nice to have your sweater smell
like someone else still
the next day. Like an olfactory reminder
of what could be, or what already is.

I've become this weird person who cannot drink alcohol. I have a drink or two, and am done, sans buzz, sans giddy, salacious behaviour, sans slight headache the next morning (the perk). I need to holler at some Holiday Eggnog! or Jesus-y Brandy Slush! Or a Stoli Martini! The shakes are gone (I learned all about DTs last night...) but my psychological addiction to alcohol lingers...

Mmmm, good word... lingers...

Kinda reminds me of ligers!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I totally hate it when you are running late, and you know you're running late, and something happens that will make you even more late and you cannot stop it. Kinda like the scene from Love Actually where Alan Rickman is trying to buy his secretary some jewelry while his wife is in the other part of the department store, and Mr. Bean is taking foreeeeever wrapping up the necklace and he's just watching him in agony praying to holy hell that he would just hurry the fuck up? Yeah, kinda like that. That might just be the worst feeling ever, worse than blue balls (so I'm told), worse than finding your dog dead at the side of the road, worse the seeing someone else take the last serving of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.

Anyway.

So lately I've been very hot/cold, on/off, here/there. It sucks, I'm so indecisive and wishy-washy, I don't know how anyone puts up with it.

I have officially been graduated and have been at my job for 1 year. What the hell?! I love how my original plans "I'll live with my parents until February, March maybe" has turned into over one year, and I still get yelled at to clean my room. Granted, it is a disaster, but still. The house hunting/mortgage banker hunting process is a little scary, so I retreat and ignore it, as usual! But you know, whatever.

Sooo, New Year's Eve plans? Are there any??

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Okay, I'm kinda obsessed with surveys right this second. What am I? Twelve?!?! Do you SEE my excessive use of punctuation here!?!?! What the hell is going on? I'm confused...

WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
Mine

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Hot Pink with purple argyle (so hot right now)

HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST <-- this refers to myspace.com
No

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
12

HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW 'IN REAL LIFE'?
10

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of water (and poop and pee and toilet paper) running through the pipes in my house.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES
Smitty, L.Smith, Linds

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW?
Royal Blue

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
H-Yes! Zoe-ster, and DONT YOU FORGET IT.

WHAT'S YOUR DAD AND MOM'S MIDDLE NAME?
Alan & Patricia

MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
Run Lola Run

NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES.
freckles, chapstick, boobies

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SMOKED MARIJUANA?
well over a year ago. unfort.

NAME A TEACHER YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR!
The student teacher at Munich Internation School... the scruffy beard, mmm...

IS THERE ANYONE ON YOUR LIST YOU SECRETLY WOULD GET IT ON WITH?
Oh yes

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
$NADA!

WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
Janey

WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
Clocks by Coldplay

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
Fraternizing

WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY?
no plans yet... i'm not feeling well
TEN random things you might not know about me
1.- I've never been to the hospital.
2.- I lost the 8th grade spelling bee qualification by spelling the word "circuit" like this: Circit
3.- I rarely burp, but when I do it smells like gross food
4.- When I lived in Germany in 6th grade, we had a bidet, but I used it to shave my legs.
5.- I used to have a crush on Lee from 1-800-Lee-Free when I was like 3
6.- I would probably turn down the offer to go bungee jumping, because I don't trust elasticity.
7.- I thought those Asian movies where there's really bad dubbing and the lips don't move to the dialog "King Kong" movies… it's "Kung Fu."
8.- My left "ring" toe is sideways.
9.- I wrote myself letters when I was younger, and sealed them with "Do Not Open Until [next year's date] and would always open them a few weeks early.
10.- I spent at least 1 Friday night in college typing up logic puzzles on my computer.

NINE places I've visited
1.- Ireland
2.- Scotland
3.- Canary Islands
4.- Aruba
5.- Washington DC
6.- Mackinac Island
7.- Greece
8.- Hungary
9.- Grenada

EIGHT ways to win my heart
1.- Attitude/Confidence
2.- A nice sweater and/or beard
3.- Birkenstock clogs
4.- Genuine-osity
5.- Keeping your cool
6.- Introducing me to your mom
7.- Scraping my car windows
8.- Wine with dinner

SEVEN things I want to do before I die
1.- Marathon without shitting my pants
2.- Marriage
3.- Children
4.- Finish my books
5.- Get a tan
6.- Donate blood
7.- Travel to Africa

SIX things I'm afraid of
1.- Anything medical
2.- Being alone
3.- Being with someone
4.- Walking to my car alone at night
5.- Guns
6.- Coming home at night to a big, empty house all by myself

FIVE things I don't like
1.- Brocolli
2.- Being put on the spot
3.- Diarrhea
4.- Sweat stains
5.- Generally, driving

FOUR ways to turn me off
1.- Act like an asshole
2.- Be an annoying drunk
3.- Be selfish
4.- Wear your heart on your LAPEL

THREE things I do every day
1.- Yawn
2.- Shit
3.- Eat

TWO things that make me happy
1.- Soy Lattes
2.- Giving

ONE thing on my mind right now
1.- Sex - duh!

Monday, December 5, 2005

There's this spot on my back that, when I scratch it, feels a sensation down by my hip. It's the most bizarre thing ever. Well not ever-ever, but you know what I mean.

You know what else is bizarre? When feelings are somewhat reciprocated? Or at least acknowledged.

While I don't usually like romantic comedies because of their poor writing and bad directing, I actually enjoyed Hitch this weekend, especially this quote:

BEGIN EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE ON PURPOSE.