Friday, April 30, 2004

no apologies for anything said or done tonight. you hear that? i don't apologize! who-hoo!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

ok i know i am drunk right now, despite the 10pm hour but i can attest to the fact that
a) i have 5 IM windows open
b) 1 Microsoft outlook window open
c) 1 internet explorer window open
d) 1 AOL window open

and there is rap music playing on my computer mysteriously i think it's the AOL but i'm too lazy to quit it despite the 3 blogs in 6 minutes. so yeah. i'm talking to my sister, who just finished her first year of college, and it's crzay to think that because i'm like at the end of my tenure here and I DONT WANT IT TO |BE THE CASE I SWEAR IT. byeeeee i have to go.
lalallalalalalallaal i'm dying here in my room (by myself cuz my roomies is drunk and i don't want to let her in) b/c my computer is singing some sort of rapp music since i loged onto AOL and i don't know how to quit ti omg i'm laugingo sooooo hard) ahahahahahahhhlallalalalalkalalolololololalalalalallala
Oh my god the clock says 9:59 pm and I have had 6 martinis... i'm kinda nervous about this fact, oh and i've also made 43 typos but it's taken my 12 minutes to write this 1 1/2 sentence post so that makes up for it... viva The Post and their $4 martini nights... BLAH!!!!!!!!!! and goodbye EL this is my last drunk night there and I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TI THE REAL WORLD IT IS NOT FUN AND I DONT WAAAAAAAAAANA GO and that's enough for tonight.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

There are a lot of issues that I am sensitive about because I hold strong feelings about: abortion, suicide, mental illness, sexuality. Sometimes when those topics come up in conversation like they inevitably do, I get quiet for fear of yelling at someone, and the other times, I yell at the person I'm talking to. The latter just happened, and while I do feel horrible for going off -- something I RARELY do -- I do feel good that I stuck up for what I was thinking. I would definately do it more often but when in such a situation, I cannot cohesively make a sentence, much less an argumentative one. I don't know... the story still sucks, but that's life I guess.
Seeing as how I'm moving to Fort Wayne, IN for the third time in 18 months, I've gotten used to packing my shit up and leaving town. It's been a harrowing experience, to say the least, ruining some friendships and straining others, making it harder to become close friends with people when you know you have to move away in 4 months. At any rate, I'm already getting off track here in my blog... the real reason why I mention the moving situation is that it gets rather tiresome and expensive to move all of your earthly belongings (and for a 22-year-old, I do have quite a lot).

THAT SAID, I've decided to make this last stint in FW like a long weekend... packing only what will fit in my car and not a mattress set more. That's right: I'm abandoning my bed at leaving in here in East Lansing for the sub-leaser to use. (Con waterproof mattress pad, thankyouverymuch. I don't want a SINGLE piece of DNA on my bed when I get back.)

That decision out of the way, I set out on a mission: inflatable bed! Did you know they make state-of-the-art inflatable beds? Like with MRP's of $250? I did not know these things. And now I do. So after a little poking around on the ole www, I hit up e-bay. I found many of said mattresses, all from warehouses or the likes. Bids were around the 30s-40s with S&H of (deep breath) $25. Compared to the hassle of moving a bed to another state, this was okay, I decided. I put in a bid on a blow-up bed at $40. Current price was $21 with 4 hours left, so I figured $40 was a safe bet.

I return to my computer a while later, and see the red X of death, the "you've been outbid!" sign and realize I lost the auction. "That's cool," I say, and bet on another mattress. This time I up it to $45 and try and check back every hour or so to check up on it. Suffice it to say, but NYPD Blue re-runs were on (the ones with Zack Morris... duh!) and I missed the end of my auction. Some bitch called "cbtnuggets" upped my bid at the last second and stole my inflatable air mattress! Cuz why would you choose your Ebay name to have the word NUGGET in it anyway!

Pissed, I went on a bidding fury. I found every similar product and placed high bids on each and every one of them. A minute later, I starting sweating with Ebay bidding anxiety. What had I gotten myself into? It was like an addiction. A "step AWAY from the ebay" moment, if you will. Luckily, I was outbid on every single one of them within 2 hours. After checking my "My Ebay" and seeing all of them listed in the "Items you have not won" category, I chose one fateful air mattress and said "You are MIIIIIIINE." And thus started my all-out bidding W.A.R.

There were only a handful of minutes left, twenty or so. I upped the ante. She upped it right back, within seconds. (She, not the automatic bidder built into ebay...) We went back and forth over the next twenty minutes... for a few minutes I would see the hopeful green check mark, proclaiming me the highest bidder. A couple of minutes later, refresh after refresh, I would see the ugly red X.

We were down to a mere sixty seconds... she upped it A WHOLE FIVE DOLLARS. I wasn't going to take no for an answer, so I counted down and had my Maximum-of-all-Maximum bets ready to submit, and then BAM! I submitted it with 5 seconds to go. Yeah, I'm a m-f'ing badass, I know. Victorious. All of that for an $85 INFLATABLE AIR MATTRESS. Oh boy, I think I need to find myself a hobby.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I have not stepped in my Material Science and Engineering class in 5 weeks... before that I attended sporadically, at best. Now, I have a final exam in said class, an exam that comprises 70% of my final grade. Am I fucked, or am I fucked? (I'm taking a poll. Vote by sending me a telepathic message, such as "You are fucked, and not in a finally-you're-getting-laid way.")

Saturday, April 24, 2004


Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I've always feared being That Girl, the one who wants to have conversations with her ex's about Why Things Ended, or What Went Wrong, or Was it My Fault? I've always kind of prided myself on being the girl who isn't like that, who is a little more emotionally distant, who'd rather make jokes than talk about my feelings. I know if I were a guy, I'd rather talk to that girl than the one who seems so desperate to find out why and so emotional and needy.

But the thing is, I DO want to know why. By not being That Girl, instead of asking him what happened, I've been asking myself. I've been internalizing everything and at a point, unfortunately long after things have ended and he probably forgot what he liked about me in the first place, it is too much to bear.

I think even worse than being That Girl is being That Girl who resurfaces all that time later to ask why things went sour. The proverbial female version of Rob Gordon, who called every one of his Top Five Breakup girls and reconnected with them only to ask "What happened? Was it me?" If I do remember correctly, Rob Gordon found out that one of the girls went crazy, one blamed him for her fear of sex throughout college, and the other married the guy she dated immediately after him. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? This is what's in store for me?

At any rate, while my fear of being T.G. is coupled with the fact that I DO have an intense fear of never actually finding out and thus never letting go, I'm afraid the former will always trump the latter. That's not the way things are supposed to happen. I think that's what scares me the most.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

I do believe last night marked a first. Not only did I throw up in a bar (in a controlled environment, ie. the bathroom stall at my own will) BUT I also continued drinking after I threw up! Damn. I always wondered how people did that... and now I know. I have been spending way too much money at the bar recently, and as Allison said "I want to get married" I just said "I want a guy to buy me a drink" and it couldn't be any more true. I'm broke, I don't have a job (right now), I'm a college senior at a Big-Ten University... things couldn't get much better and for that I am very grateful.

*** 2 days later... how did my blog go from a rant about being poor and wanting someone to foot the bill for my excessive drinking habit as of late to how grateful I am to be a college senior? I think i was still drunk at the time... ***

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Do this if you don't want me to like you, #32:

Say "Well I'll let you go now..." when on the phone with me, when I have given no indication of other committments or obligations at that moment. If you want to get off the phone, say "I gotta go" or something like that, don't make it sound like you're doing a favor by letting me off the phone! If I have to go do something, I will let you know. If you want to hang up, that's your issue. It's all about taking responsibility, regardless of the severity of the issue at hand.

On a lighter note, I have an appointment at the Aveda Institute for a hair-cut! Hallelujah!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Things that really made me smile today:

1.) Finding $11 and a Subway stamp in my old purse.
2.) Finally spring cleaning.
3.) Going commando. (I know... TMI, but I didn't force your fingers to type in my website...)
4.) Listening to "The Heat is On" while in my muggy room.
5.) Actually needing to wear sunglasses instead of using them as a fashion accessory.
Sarah told me to:
1. Find the nearest book.
2. Open to page 23.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post it.

The other kid is mousy; his diminutive name suits him.
While ever-so-grateful to have my co-op experience at GE, I am less than a month from returning to work for the summer, yet dreading it for my least-favorite three-worded fashion un-statement: steel-toed-shoes. Yup, I got a position in the manufacturing plant. Safety aside, I wouldn't be caught dead in Doc Martens or Sketcher Steel-toes to save my life... instead I have pined over new Nine Wests and Enzo's... have hit up The Limited and Banana to buy some merchandise deemed fashionable in the otherwise "un" Fort Wayne. When picturing my summer job at a Fortune-5 company, I imagined cropped pants, pointed heels, ballerina flats, printed button downs... now I'm left to try and find a pair of shoes comparable to these. So much for going out and buying new work clothes! Not to sound trite, but seriously: what is a girl to do?

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I instruct the person who created "the goatee" 5 hail marys, 10 stations of the cross, and 450 hours of volunteer work, preferably in a prison. I mean, what were you thinking???

Thursday, April 8, 2004


Thursday, April 1, 2004

My birthday card from Roxanne was labeled:

To the girl who believes her ass crack is lower than normal/average.