Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Seriously? Sometimes I'm so fucking stupid. Like, who acts like a dumb 13-year-old schoolgirl flirting with a guy with a girlfriend? It's almost masochistic (well, I actually stole that idea from a recent episode of SATC, to give credit where credit is due). Rob's theory is that you go for things you cannot have if you fear rejection -- as in, it's not like anything is going to happen in this situation, therefore there is no real risk involved and that's why I do it. Not exactly rocket science, but makes sense. Gross, I think I just had a Dr. Phil moment.

On a slightly different topic, a good way to find out how your friends feel about one of your potential crushes is to bring him up, suggesting you hook him up with one of your other single friends. That way, if they don't like him (and duh! of course they don't...) then you can find out without the embarassment of maybe, possibly, having a little crush on a weird dude. Which sounds kind of lame... "I won't like him if my friends think he's weird" but at the same time, if your friends think he's weird, that means something.

I firmly believe in the Rule of Threes, therefore I need this paragraph just to make this blog feel right. But, um, I don't really have anything else to say. I guess I'll go with this... One of the first blogs I ever read was back in 2001. She's a really good writer and I usually go back to that link every once in a while for old times sake. (That sounds really creepy, as I do not know this girl, do not have contact with her, therefore there is really no "old times sake" of which to speak.) Anyway, she has a page that's titled "THINGS I AM OVER!" and omg, that is so my mood right now.

This is a dumb segue sentence that sucks!

I present: Things I Am Over.

- The fact that there is a high school 0.1 miles from my house that costs more than a full year at University of Michigan and the kids who go to that school cut me and my Saturn off in their H3's and Lexus' (Lexi?) every f-in morning. I'm over it! Their parents are millionairres and run the automotive industry, but me and my Saturn will be JUST FINE. (And if I were a guy, I would proclaim "At least my penis is bigger than theirs." The idea came from my coworker Ian, btw.)
- I am totally over flirting with guys (read: a guy) who have girlfriends (read: a girlfriend). See above.
- This too: gaucho pants. So early spring 2005.
- I'm over being a walking contradiction. Err... I'm over caring that I'm a walking contradiction. I just accept it as who I am now.
- I'm waaaaay over the fact that I sweat hardcore at the gym. It's not unusual for me to walk out of there dripping wet, and I don't care if the people behind me or on another machine or something see or care.

Okay, that was kind of fun, I guess. I'm going to watch some John Cusack and wax poetic over my lovelife, or lack thereof.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

It's funny, because I told some today, just today!, that it's not a good idea to drink and use the internet concurrently, as I have written many a drunken email to a certain someone whom I would rather not have written them to (hey! do you read my blog? if so?! how awkward is this right now??!!)

Anyway, so I warned her not to drink and email, and what do I do? Drink and blog. same thing. So anyway, today I saw two of my husbands. I am honestly not kidding you. One two separate occasions, YEARS apart, I saw these two men, and thought to myself "HOLY SHIT, I'M GOING TO MARRY HIM!!" but we'll see what happens there. It turns out I am 500% more awkward than I thought, and no one wants to marry an awkward girl. Can you even imagine the marriage kiss? The one where everyone is watching you give your husband the tongue? OMG I can't wait to get married.

Anyway, so tonight I was pregnant Britney, and let me tell you... if that was foreshadowing of any kind, I don't know if I'm going to have the 4 kids (I'm one of four...) I've planned on having all this time. (Side bar: I've said I've wanted 4 kids for a while, and a lot of people I talk to say they want "x" number of kids, and "x" usually correlates to the number of kids in their family. Is that the case with you? Think about it.) . So even sitting at the bar with a bean-bag pillow in my stomach was hard enough to maneuvar, I don't know if I could handle a real live embryo. I totally want to have a baby. Omg I am totally contradicting myself, I am totally schitzophrenic right now.

So, actually I have nothing embarassing to disclose, although I would totally love to humiliate myself right now, YOU KNOW!? Until next time...