Monday, November 29, 2004

Jackie and Paul's wedding can be summed up by this one picture here:
taken by Jack's friend Rob (I think, at least it's from his website that I linked to from Jack's)

That really says it all, doesn't it?
Thanks. No, really.

-for my 1-800-www-dell phone call to last a mere 55 minutes (and only 25 on hold!)
-for no one asking me when I'm due (...yet)
-for being called a bitch
-for using me
-for ignoring me.

Everything's going great, thanks for asking.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Note to self:

If I ever plan on catching the bouquet at a friend's wedding again, I vow to shave my legs that morning and/or wear pantyhose.

That is all.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

"They call it the 'Quarter-life Crisis'. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. "

--stolen from the internet

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I fucking hate cliches. I accidentally-on-purpose said one this week, to someone who had just been broken up with, and wanted to kill myself for saying it. What do you say in that situation anyway? She even called me out on it and I felt like a huge ho.

That said, rest assured I have the proverbial spoon shoved down my throat right now when I say with trepidation... "Everything happens for a reason."

Like. I didn't materialize or seriously entertain any notion of working for GE after I graduated from the co-op program (motors and control, anyway). Now, as of Monday, about 85% of the subset that I worked for has been sold, and 2 of the manufacturing plants are being closed. Had I really started the conversation of "Okay, so I want this job here" - which sort of but not really happened - I would be SOL right now. Granted, I still am SOL with no job per se, but at least it's not a shock. It's just my depressing truth.

That was a weak example. Lame of me to use that as a reference. And not at all indicative of how I am really feeling.

Anyway, moving on. Actually, no. I think I'm done here. The nice thing about all of you stalkers here who track every move I make on my computer and which websites I visit and how often and every keystroke I make... is that you can't hack my brain. That's the only shred of dignity I keep with me, so might as well not completely let you know what's going on. Then I would - heaven forbid - actually open myself up and allow myself to become vulnerable to you. We wouldn't want that, now, would we?!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

more proof my family loves me, and when i say "loves me" i really mean "get joy out of laughing at my expense." It's all good though, I'm glad to give y'all a laugh!

e89x: hey forrest... how was your run this morning?

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Jellybeem4: ...and the marathon was run in a lovely 50-50 blend of wool in dark brown.

My mom's IM to me... I will never live this down!!
Of Course This Happened To Me - I don't have the energy to re-tell the story... it's something i'd really rather forget. So here it is in its IM entirety. On a side note, I had better fucking get that job!!!

linds1982smith: hey
linds1982smith: u there
sleepingstar08: yeah
linds1982smith: omg! god hates me too!
sleepingstar08: lol
sleepingstar08: how was the interview?
linds1982smith: so.......... it's like 1 1/2 hour to dearborn from EL....right
sleepingstar08: o no!
sleepingstar08: what happened?
linds1982smith: and i was gonna leave at like 9:15 cuz then i'd get there at 10:45 and the interview is at 11
sleepingstar08: okay...
linds1982smith: and i am all ready to go... and i fucking remember i left my fucking car on campus last night and was so wasted last night i completely forgot to pick it up!!!!!!!!!!
sleepingstar08: ahhhhhh
sleepingstar08: holy shit!
sleepingstar08: i totally forgot about that!
linds1982smith: omg... you should have seen me... i throw on tennis shoes and RUN--- no SPRINT a mile and a half to campus
sleepingstar08: omg, omg, omg
linds1982smith: with a backpack on my back with the rest of my suit and my heels and shit
linds1982smith: omg if only you could have seen me
sleepingstar08: shit!
sleepingstar08: tell me you made it though
linds1982smith: i was like "Why isn't anyone stopping to give me a ride!!!!!"
linds1982smith: yeah i did
sleepingstar08: i am laughing so hard
linds1982smith: how? i don't know
linds1982smith: lol
linds1982smith: lasjd;flaksjd;fljas;ldkfjasdf
sleepingstar08: i didn't want to laugh b/c i didn't know if you missed the interview
linds1982smith: i was going like 85 the whole way
sleepingstar08: lol
linds1982smith: hahahahaha
sleepingstar08: that is so awesome
linds1982smith: no, you should laugh, cuz it was so fucking unreal
sleepingstar08: and then you had topay to get your car out too!!
linds1982smith: yeah
sleepingstar08: omg!
linds1982smith: i was like "i don't have a ticket... just charge me"
sleepingstar08: i can't take this
sleepingstar08: how much did you have to pay?
linds1982smith: and the guy was like "oh, well do you wanna look for it cuz otherwise i'll have to charge you from 7am" and i was like FUCKING TAKE MY MONEY AND OPEN THAT FUCKING GATE
sleepingstar08: i'm about to pee my pants
linds1982smith: lolololol
sleepingstar08: omg!!!
sleepingstar08: o shit
linds1982smith: seriously the whole time i was running to campus --literally like running like someone was chasing me -- i was like "GOD HATES ME TOO!!!!!"
linds1982smith: i only can pray and hope that no one i know saw me.... cuz that was a site, let me tell you...
sleepingstar08: lol
linds1982smith: too much
sleepingstar08: well if anyone says anything you better ask them why they didn't give you a ride
sleepingstar08: i can seriously not take this right now
linds1982smith: hahahaha
linds1982smith: ohhhhhh so funny
sleepingstar08: i love it!
linds1982smith: it's only funny cuz i made it on time... if not i would be like sobbing

..... later on in the conversation... Allison and i talk about something that happened to her last night that made her say GOD HATES ME! (which explains my God hate me too! comment) .....

sleepingstar08: whatev
sleepingstar08: i'm over it
sleepingstar08: i would rather not do that then run a couple miles in half a suit to my car

I am a great person and you're missing out on being a part of my life. </drunk deep thoughts>

Sunday, November 7, 2004

I over-indulged in Glamour and Cosmo at Kare and Ame's this weekend. Who knew it was filled with so much smut! One of the Cosmo's was a 2-in-1 edition where there was a CosmoMen! edition in the back half of the magazine. There, they interviewed 50 guys, one from each state, and had a sort of dating section for them. Each had to list a "What you want girls to know about guys" anecdote. No less than 8 said something to the effect of "I just want to tell all of the girls out there that guys have no attention span. Don't read into what we're saying, because we're the simplest of creatures. If we want something, we'll tell you, or let you know. If we don't say anything, it's cuz we have nothing to say." Pair that with the fact that I feel like I'm incapable of reading guys, or very capable of reading into what the guys in (or, as it happens, not in) my life say and/or do towards me, and that makes for one very insecure and awkward girl. Let's not forget that those are two of my biggest turnoffs and you have yourself a red-headed, unemployed, self-conscious walking contradiction!

Friday, November 5, 2004

I've been meaning to write about how my friend Jack is getting married on November 20. I can't believe how awesome that is, that she and Paul are going to declare their love for each other forever in front of everyone who matter to them, and in front of God. I've always said I want to just elope and skip the wedding hoopla, but to tell you the truth, it's so special to share your marriage with those who love you and who you love. I can hardly think of anything cooler than that.

I don't know Paul that well, but every time I've ever seen them together, I just get warm fuzzies seeing them together. You can tell it's the real deal with them just from the way they look at each other.

I just want to say congrats to my girl Jack! And that I can't wait to be a part of your celebration!