Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Three things I love in this picture, and one thing I don't... (hint, it's the garden). (Guess it isn't a hint if I just flat out give you the answer!)

Monday, April 12, 2010

So our dog ate something foul and has diarrhea. During the trip to the vit, our vet said "Oh look, he's sleeping!" about Claire. Hmmm... I wonder why?!
Okay, in all fairness... the carseat isn't exactly screaming GIRL. It's gender-neutral, with a leaning towards the weenie.

The blanket was a gift. I swear. Oddly, the gift contained all boys stuff, I swear. I was like "hmmm what's this all about" but hey, free stuff, I won't turn it down.

The shirt is yellow, and actually has cupcakes on it (note to self... don't make cupcakes, cupcakes taste like feet and will give you herpes - let's hope that works) - BUT - the vet couldn't see the cupcakes because she was covered up by her testosterone-y looking blanket.

Although, I'm sure that even if the cupcakes were visible, he'd probably just think I have a screw loose and still would think she was a dude, all else considered. Oh well. All I really care about at this point is getting my dog to stop shitting in the house! I already have another bum other than my own to take care of, I don't need to add "dog's bum" to the list.
On that note... ta ta.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Day In The Life

Before I was pregnant, I always used to wonder "what in the hell do moms do all day?" Well... ever since I pushed out that 6lb baby, my question has been answered. I'll walk you through a day I had this week.

On Monday, I had the great idea to meet Roxanne and Jackie for lunch. With those two living and working in Metro Detroit, and me living in Metro Ann Arbor (such a thing doesn't exist, but go with it) - I thought that the 45-to-60-minute drive was too long to do all at once and still have a sleeping and cooperative baby, so I pit-stopped at my parent's Metro Detroit house to nurse and diaper change and raid their snack cupboard. What? I was hungry. And they have way better snacks than I ever have in my house.

Anyway, back to my day. Here goes... (and I'll start from the beginning...)

12:00 midnight - go to sleep with Nick. Poor Nick - for him, it is a "school night". Poor Lindsay - that means that I am on night duty solo. (I don't make him get up in the middle of the night if all I am going to do the next day is stay at home with the baby!)

2:45 a.m. - Claire wakes up for some boob time.

3:20 a.m. - Boob time is OVAH. I have closed up shop, for the hour. Thank God I don't have a fussy baby, and she goes back to sleep like a CHARM.

5:00 a.m. - There is demand for the boobs, once again. I am surprised that when I hear her newborn coo'ing, even though it's sweet, that since it is 5:00 a.m. and I am tired as all get-out, that I don't get pissed. Wow, does that sentence made an iota of sense? Let me rephrase: she is so perfect, that even though I am tired like the wolf, the fact that she is hungry like the wolf makes me eager like the wolf to give her what she wants. (Too much WOLF?)

5:12 a.m. - Nick's alarm clock goes off to Jason Mraz on the radio. Nothing gets Nick up more than Jason Mraz. HAHAHAHA. I didn't intend for that to be funny/innuendo, but it is! But really, though, Nick hates his guts and hits snooze so hard that he wakes up and no more snoozing for Nick. Basically, if Nick wants to be at work at like 6:30 a.m. (who the eff would want to do that?!) then make sure Jason Mraz is playing at 5:12 because that = no snoozing for Nick and he's out the door super early.

5:15 a.m. - Nick takes Claire and snuggles with her between teats, and I get a 60-second nap. My boob starts leaking, though, and I snatch her back.

5:30 a.m. - breakfast is over. Back to bed for us, and Nick gets dressed for work.

6:15 a.m. - Nick kisses us each goodbye on his way out the door but I barely remember it because HELLO two feedings in the middle of the night?

8:30 a.m. - I had to set my alarm for this morning, otherwise we wouldn't make our 12 noon lunch date. Seriously. You'll see why in a second.

8:35 a.m. - Never wake a sleeping baby. THAT IS, unless you have 12 noon lunch plans with your girlfriends who live and work almost an hour away.

8:36 a.m. - Wake a sleeping baby, for breakfast. Not of the Carnation Instant variety. (I am not funny.)

9:00 a.m. - Breakfast is over, I am pretty filthy and smell of sour milk. Motherhood is pretty glamorous, like on TV. HA.
9:05 a.m. - Check my email on my mobile device - I am soooo hip to technology since I finally bought a cellphone that was manufactured in the 2000s. Last one was from 1998, I swear. The fact that I can CHECK EMAIL seems like the coolest thing ever to me. Clearly I need to get out of the house more.
9:10 a.m. - Jump in the shower. Get rid of my smellies, and make my hair smell nice with my fancy shampoo.
9:25 a.m. - Claire has taken the biggest shit ever when I was in the shower.
9:30 a.m. - Pre-treat the shit stain on her white onesie outfit.
9:35 a.m. - Wash her bum a few times over and put a cute dress on her so my friends will think she is adorable (which she is without the dress, but the dress didn't hurt...).
9:40 a.m. - Blow-dry hair, and pray she doesn't shit again while in the bouncy chair.
10:00 a.m. - Finagle Claire into the car seat, and the car seat into the car, oh! and thaw out some milk in the off-chance she fusses while we're out (oh hell no not ready to breastfeed in public yet!).
10:15 a.m. - We're "late" to my plan, but finally leave the house. Start off the car ride by playing a children's CD of xylophone rendition of Johnny Cash songs, but change to the radio after "Walk the Line" is done.
11:00 a.m. - Arrive at my parents house. Get car seat and diaper bag out of the car, grab the house key (separate from my car keys) to my parent's house, and head for the door.
11:01 a.m. - WAIT - this key is NOT for my parent's house. SHIT. WTF am I going to do? Parents are in Mexico on vacation.

11:02 a.m. - Try the keyless entry to the garage. Duh I'm stupid. Works, thank God.
11:05 a.m. - Raid parent's snack cupboard, eat a Costco biscotti, and peruse through the Sunday paper ads which are on the kitchen table. Oh yeah, I have a kid, I should tend to her.
11:10 a.m. - Feed Claire her 2nd breakfast (or 4th, depending on how you look at it). Make her bottom a clean one, and wrangle the dress over her little bottom. This will be the last day she can fit into her Newborn size clothes. She is 4 weeks old today.
11:15 a.m. - Check the internet, to see what I missed in the last two hours. Not much.
11:30 a.m. - Being 15 minutes away from the lunch place, I decide to get going, so I get there early or on time.  I pat myself on the back like thirty times because I am NEVER on time, let alone early, and look at me now, all responsible and a mom and I can do this!  Go me!

11:31 a.m. - OMFG WHERE IS THE CAR KEY?   Side note: my dog got ahold of my keys when he was a puppy.  He ate the shit out of the key, so I have been using a key that no longer has any way to be attached to a key ring.  I just carry around the solitary key so it's SUPER EASY to lose, unfortch.

11:31 a.m. - 12:10 p.m. - SHITF*CKDAMN The key has dissipated into thin air, it has fallen into the black hole of the dryer (where all of those socks go), it fell into the toilet while I did my bidness, I accidentally ate it, SOMETHING.  Something happened to the key and it no longer exists. Maybe I should call a voodoo priestess or something. 

12:10 p.m. - call my friends to cancel our lunch date. Am SUPER bummed. Wonder how in the hell we're going to get home. Nick is going to be THRILLED to have to drive over her after work to pick us up.

12:11 p.m. - I pick up Claire, resigning my fate to stay at my parent's house for at least 5 hours until Nick can pick us up, and what is that under her butt?   The key.   Of course Claire is sitting on the key.

12:37 p.m. - I show up at lunch - thank God Roxanne and Jackie could still make it and the day is not a total waste!

1:45 p.m. - Lunch time ovah. Friends have to go back to the real world. They both agree my baby is the cutest baby that ever came into existence.

2:45 p.m. - We make it back home.  I am tuckered out... I've been up and at 'em since 8:30 a.m. just to have an hour lunch with friends.  Holy shit.

2:50 p.m. - More boob time. Poor kid is STARVING.

3:30 p.m. - Speaking of starving... what's for dinner?   I start to think about what we have in the house that I could make for the two of us tonight.  Settle on turkey burgers - all I have to do is get a couple of crusty buns (hehe) from the market. 

4:05 p.m. - back from the market that is literally 1/8 mile from my house.  Yes, it took me over half an hour to get the car seat into the car, drive there, get car seat out, do an iota of shopping, car seat back in, drive home, and car seat into the house. 

5:00 p.m. - Deenner.  Is Serrrrved.  (Said like Mrs. Doubtfire)

6:00 p.m. - Deenner.  Is Serrrrved.  Except this time it's of the dairy variety, and for a party of one.  I am the maitre'd, hostess, and server.  And clean-up, as well.

7:00 p.m. - Chillax upstairs in the man-cave (yes, we're that stereotypical couple that lamely calls their room with the nice tv/surround sound/etc. the "man cave" - I hate those people on House Hunters who are like "well this will be my man cave!" and then later the girl says "the closet is kinda small... where will my shoes go?! har-har-har")

7:45 p.m. - Put Claire to bed, dink around on the internet for a while while Nick watches sports.  We're both exhausted.

9:45 p.m. - We go to bed.  

10:00 p.m. - Just as I've fallen asleep, Claire wakes up for dinner # 2.  We snuggle for an extra few minutes.  Perfect ending to a not-so-perfect-but-I-wouldn't-change-it day.

And, that's a wrap.  Holy shit, that was exhausting just to write out, and even more exhausting to live through.  But - honestly - I can't complain.  I wouldn't have it any other way.