Saturday, December 12, 2009

sometimes you just have to lay in bed on a saturday morning until 11:30 with a towel around your head and your legs all akimbo...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

gosh i'm so tired. my moms and pops have had people over non-stop the past couple of days and i can't keep up! my mom can't keep up either, but at least she can sneak in naps, i can't do that with all these new people to smell and play ball with and give puppy eyes to and maybe just for a second try to hump. my mom said that i can't hump people because no means no. oh boy i am so tuckered out. i kind of just hope i can sleep all day but i think ny grandma and grandpa are coming over, and i really don't want to disappoint my grandpa by being asleep, because he loves to play with me and scratch my belly and talks to me in a funny special voice. i can't miss that. i think i know how my monday will pan out... me, the couch, and a whole lot of shut eye, that's what. no standing by the window waiting for my mom to get home, no standing on the stair landing looking for the yappy dogs next door
. just me and my zzz's. signing off and out, yours truly, mister moof.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

11-05-09 Documented

Bake sale at work today... with proceeds going to a local food shelter. Ironic, but hey, you want to raise money? Hit people in the face with the smell of a gigantic array of baked goods at 8:00 a.m. I purchased a mini loaf of cheese-bread, which I intended on taking home and enjoying with dinner with Nick. Haha. It's about 80% gone, and no point in stopping now. Also purchased: caramel fudge topped brownie. Soooo rich, it wasn't even funny. But that sure didn't stop me from devouring the whole thing in one sitting. Also, a dark chocolate covered coconut ball. Luckily (for me) this one didn't strike my fancy as much, so about 75% of it ended up in the trash. My midsection clapped and then had an encore. It was thrilled.

Also at work today, I got to work on my persuasive talking. I'm really only good at persuasive talking when I am 100% confident that what I'm saying it true, honest, thoughtful, etc. For instance, today I walked into a conversation that was already underway. They were discussing a work issue regarding one of our systems. Everyone huddled in the circle was saying "but we've got to do xyz" and immediately I saw the issue. "But in doing so, you're missing 123..." I tried explaining. My first attempt was not successful. "But xyz..." they countered. It took a couple of more patient and thorough walk-throughs of my thought process, but they eventually saw the light. "Ahhhhh, Lindsay is right. 123 is the way to go." Honestly, I can't tell you how satisfying that was. Not that I care that they were on the wrong path and I was right... but just that I was persistent, patient, and not rude about my discourse and mode of communication, and was therefore effective. I guess I earned my cheese bread today!

In this conversation, however, I encountered one of the more unpleasant things about being pregnant: the stomach starers. The people who, not so subtley, avert their eyes down to my stomach and stare at it for a good 2-3 seconds. I HATE THIS. I have really grown to enjoy pregnancy in the past 1-2 weeks (ever since the ultrasound) but this is one of the things I still HATE about being pregnant. I hate people checking me out.

Now, some people can do it nicely. For instance, yesterday, I was standing in front of a file cabinet, and a woman I work with came up and exclaimed "oh my gosh! I hadn't seen your profile yet!" and that was fine. She was looking me in the eye while she said it. But that's much different than the feeling I get when I walk into a meeting or up to someone, and I look at them and their eyes are on my mid-section. I just can't get over how uncomfortable that is. I'm not talking about a quick glance here... I mean the full on stares. It's quite disconcerting, but hey, if that's the least of my worries... then I say "bring on the cheese bread!"

So, today marks the 10th straight day of going on my daily 1.5 mile walk. We started this 9 days ago (obviously) and tried to make a goal of going for a walk once a day to keep our legs moving and our dog happy. Well, our legs have moved, and our dog has been happy (and will continue to be happy). Once again - CHEESE BREAD - EARNED!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Asanine Story of the Day

Okay... so layoff 8000 people.  Then say ""Health care is a great place to be," he said. "We feel very excited about the future.""
And then: "However, he acknowledged that the economic outlook remains cloudy, adding that a recovery will not take hold until the job market improves and consumers become more willing to spend."
Hmmm... the two go hand-in-hand, no?
How are the 8000 laid-off people supposed to spend their money (that they aren't earning thanks to the layoff) on Johnson & Johnson products?
I mean, I am no economist, never claimed to be, never want to be, never will truly understand how it all works.  But I read CNN, and to me, this story is asinine and stupid. Don't write a story about layoffs but then explain how once people stop getting laid off, they'll spend more money on your products.
End Vent.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Insanely Bored, and Talking About Money (and Cookies, briefly)

I am crazy bored lately.  Especially at work.  I probably shouldn't write that down on the Internet, should I?  My mind is constantly wandering, though, and the minutes drag by.  Of course, once I am cognizant of this, they drag by even more slowly.  I am always checking the clock to see how long I have until lunch, and then the time from lunch until 5:00 p.m.?  B-R-U-T-A-L.  First off, I want a mid-afternoon nap.  Second of all, I want to be in bed, under the covers, not napping, but hibernating.  Is this nesting?  I don't know.  But sitting at a desk in constricting pants is not jiving with my heart's desires.  Ya know?  I mean, does it ever?  Are things that different now?  No.  My pants have always been restricted, and I have always been sitting at a desk.  But these weird months between finding out I am pregnant (oh yeah, blog, I'm pregnant!) to actually realizing the results of the pregnancy (i.e. having a child - I don't mean 'realize' as in 'it suddenly dawned on me', i mean 'realize' like 'to make real, give reality to') I find it impossible to focus 100% on work.  Or even 75% on work.  I still do a good job, I think I'm still going above and beyond (just a tad) so I'm not worried about it, just more annoyed that I have to be here.
For instance, today, after going home for lunch, I stopped and got a hot carmel apple cider from the local coffee shop.  Instead of devouring it on the ride back to work (about 10 minutes or so), I only allowed myself a few sips before getting back to my desk.  My thought was that if I had a hot drink to distract myself with at work, then time would go by more quickly.  Or, if I have something to enjoy at work, then I'll be marginally more happy this afternoon.  I did afford myself the luxury of taking the top off of the drink and savoring the fresh whipped cream with carmel drizzled atop.  Is that not the best part of getting ANY drink at a coffee shop?  Enjoying the accouterments of a warm beverage, straight off the lid.  Ahhh.
What else to mention in this disjointed post?  So now that we are finally credit card debt free (wahoo!) and have some money in savings (gasp!) and aren't paycheck-to-paycheck, well, now it's time to return to our old ways of acting as if we're paycheck-to-paycheck.  I know it's crass to talk about money in public, but whatever.  In truth, we've never BEEN paycheck-to-paycheck, but we've had the mentality of this: spend every penny we can on paying off the debts.  Makes sense, right?  There are tons of personal finance programs/books/website/radio shows that tout the same thing.  So we took that approach that we should be really frugal with our money (create and stick to a budget, i.e. $50/week for eating out, $75/week for grocery) and all leftover money went towards paying off the wedding debt.  Which was stupid to accrue in the first place but ah, you only get married once for the first time, right? ;)
So I took to my trusty spreadsheet (you know it!) and plotted out how much money I WOULDN'T be making while on maternity leave.  Holy hell.  So between now and then, I have to save four-digits per month, minimum, to cover my lack of pay for those few months.  This is depressing for a few reasons: just when we're starting to get some savings, and can afford the luxury of buying a new book or a new pair of shoes (haha these are luxuries to me after 10-months of paying off the credit card!), you're back to the mentality of paycheck-to-paycheck.  Except this time, all of our extra money is going towards savings, instead of debt.  So at least that part feels good. We're also approaching things way differently now that we ever have... more of a cash-only perspective. Buy a crib?  Pay with cash. Need a years worth of contacts?  Pay with cash.  Don't do it until we can pay with cash.  Now, I don't mean we walk into stores with wads of 20s... we do pay with a credit card, but immediately transfer the money from checking to savings.  It's really refreshing, and a huge load off of my shoulders that we aren't accruing more debt.  Okay, I'll stop being tacky and I'll stop talking about money now...
Last point of the day... I prefer my cookie dough... cooked into a cookie.  That is all.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

This Annoys The Shit Out Of Me (Alternate Title: Perhaps Tomorrow I Will Post Something Nice)

I have this pack of Stride gum at my desk at work, for those mornings when I have too much coffee and thus coffee breath that could kill a small child, or those days when I do not brush my teeth before leaving the house (calm down, I have a toothbrush in the locker in the ladies room) (yes, my work bathroom has a set of lockers, weird, right?).
This annoying pack of Stride gum has the handiwork of some annoying advertising/marketing people on the inside of the package.  Basically, you flip open the package and there's annoying list on the inside of the cardboard, that looks like a piece of notebook paper ripped out of the notebook. There's a "To Do List" with some fictional person's goals, including:
  1. Coin A Phrase
  2. Live with the Wild Llamas of Peru
  3. Discover an element to add to the Periodic Table
  4. Get into a break dance battle.
So wait... let me break this down and understand fully...
1. Coin a phrase - okay, fine. Make up a little euphemism or acronym or alliteration with your posse of high school buddies.  Make up a term to use about hot girls, none of whom you'd ever talk to, but you sure can talk about.  Talk the talk, but never walk the walk, type of thing. You're so cool.  I bet your phrase will be spread around all of the United States and soon enough Jimmy Fallon will use it on his talk show.  You will be the coolest kid in town!
2. Live with wild llamas? In Peru? First of all, do you speak Spanish, and are you up to date on South American immunizations?  You do realize you'd be without cell phone towers, so you won't be able to Twitter it, update your facebook status, and/or perform a live upload to Flickr while simultaneously riding said llamas?  Still want to do it? That old age question of "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?" is now replaced with "if you can't facebook it real-time, do you still want to do it?".  You're lame.  Read a book.
3. Yeah fricken right. You are not a scientist. There are no elements left to be found. (Not necessarily true, that was a tiny fiblet.) But - if there are un-discovered elements, they wouldn't be a dumb discovery, like "Oh, I was digging up that ziplock of illegal substances I had stashed in my parent's backyard garden, and I found this nugget of crystallized substance, and I thought, 'I wonder if this is a new element?'"  NO. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
4. Okay, so you're a twerpy scientist who discovers elements, yet you have the street cred to a.) know how to break dance and b.) actually "battle" someone?  Please. The only "battling" you do is of Star Gallactica variety.  (I thought that was pretty funny, if I don't say so myself...)
I don't know why this stupid package of gum annoys me so... but literally every time I open it, I scoff and get pissy. I hate dumb advertising aimed at tweens!  I am turning into a pissy old woman! HALP!

Friday, August 28, 2009

A Toothy Confession

Confession:  I've used the hair off of my own head as dental floss, in times of great need. For example, in the movie theater with a critical piece of kernel cornered between my molars. Also, driving home after dinner with a poppy seed lodged between two incisors. Sometimes desperate times do call for desperate measures.
False:  I tell my dentist about the frequency in which I floss. I say it's twice a week, give or take.
Truth:  More like once a month, is like it. There, I said it. Yeah, I know it's gross. I'll floss tonight.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

J.C.! and other stuff

I just got my every-six-months teeth cleaning.  Is it bi-annual, or semi-annual?  I never know...
Anyway, I hate dental hygienists.  Well, let me reiterate.  I hate the ones at my current dental office.  You see, I went to the same dentist for 20 years... the one I grew up going to.  Their motto is "We Cater to Cowards" which really has my name ALL OVER IT because I'm the biggest doctor/dentist-phobic.  They were good people.  Until I decided to move 45 minutes away, and the normally 25-minute drive turned into an hour-and-a-half from my new abode.  Not so efficient to make that trek, even if only twice a year. 
[I think I've written this post before, I just got some serious deja vu.  I'll have to check my archives from 6 months ago...]
Anyway, so this is probably the 2nd or 3rd time I've visited my "new" dentist, and man, they hack THE SHIT out of my gums.  It's like they're excavating a new archaeological dig or something.  I almost want to ask "hey, did I cut you off at an intersection or something?  Did I hit on your boyfriend?  Why do you have a mutiny against my mouth right now?"  I almost feel like Steve Carell in 40 Year Old Virgin getting my chest waxed... I looked up at her with tears in my eyes and shouted "YOU BITCH!"   Okay, not really, but I did in my head.    Brutal.
* * *
So is it just me, or is the feeling of driving in/walking in to work on Monday morning just about as worse as getting a teeth cleaning? I liiiiiive for the weekend. I barely think about work during the weekend, minus the occasional log-in to work email. So when I open the door and smell that familiar smell... it's like "ugh - back to this". I truly envy people who love their job, and even more so people who are their own boss. I feel like I could handle being my own boss, working overtime for myself, my company, taking a pay cut, all that jazz... I just don't have my big idea yet. And by big idea, I don't mean million dollar idea, I just mean any idea that will work. I think working for yourself must be the best job anyone could have...
* * *
So, not to sound like a total couch potato... but holy moly, I can't wait for prime-time TV to start the fall lineup. The Office, 30 Rock, Project Runway (OK, technically that has started), Mad Men (okay, okay), The Biggest Loser! Ahh... and then I wonder how it is that I've gained 10 pounds over the last year?  Oh yes, you read it correctly... I went in my for annual Dr. visit (lovely, lovely experience...) and you better believe it (well, I better believe it) - the scale don't lie.  I so wish it did... Did I fall into the "I got married and gained weight" trap? It appears so... it was rather upsetting, I mean, yeah, my clothes don't look so hot on me but DANG GINA. I's gotsta get me to the gym ASAP.  Like, tonight.  Hence, the desire for good programming on the telly, so I can plug in the earphones and pound out an hour of cardio... wish me luck!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

If My Husband Won a Million Dollars

So, remember when I posted about what I would do with a Millon [sic] Dollars?

Well, the last couple of weeks I have thrown in $5 to the work lottery pool. I am not a huge gambler, but I'm definitely not against it. I just generally don't even think about the lottery. But it's one of those things where... if my co-workers are doing it, I am going to jump in on that. NO WAY IN HAIL am I going to be the chump who doesn't throw in the week they win the big draw.

Yes, I'm that naive person who actually believes we have a chance at winning!

So much so that I created a list of how I would spend the money! Ha ha! The nerve...

Well, it was my list, and Nick disagreed on a few of my points. I told him if he won his lottery pool at work, that he could make up his own list. That appeased him for the short-term, and I took down his list of how he'd spend his first mil.

All Debt (house, car, student loans) 1 @ $234,000 = $234,000
Siblings Gift 5 @ $10,000 = $50,000
New Car 1 @ $25,000 = $25,000
Parents Gift 2 @ $150,000 = $300,000
House Reno 1 @ $50,000 = $50,000
Vacation 5 @ $3,000 = $15,000
Landscaping 1 @ $20,000 = $20,000
Savings 1 @ $100,000 = $100,000
Checking 1 @ $50,000 = $50,000
Charity 1 @ $156,000 = $156,000

So as a couple, we weren't tooooo far off from each other. Nick's biggest beef with my list was how much I would give to charity. One thing we saw eye to eye on (or, rather, Nick said "I like what you put... put that on mine too") was the pre-paid or pre-saved-for vacations. :) :) :) WE LIKE VACATIONS. What on Earth could possibly be better than having a vacation already paid for a few years in a row?! Sublime. One thing Nick was much more liberal with was House Renovations (hey, I wouldn't mind new floors throughout!) and... um... landscaping our yard? WHAT THE EFF EVER.

But there you have it...

Now... if the balls could please fall into the right little compartments this evening... that would be greeeeaaaat.


Monday, July 20, 2009

Just waiting for my pops to come home and play fetch with me. I do love my mom, but there is something to be said about the way my pops throws a ball...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Things I Am Loving Right This Second

(and the several seconds preceding this second)...

1.) HelenJane's Brokey Pasta, a.k.a. Pasta Napa Valley Style.
We had this for dinner tonight and it was deeeee-lish. We are sweating garlic (good thing!) and I am SOOOO so glad I have finally convinced Nick that pesto is good. Say it with me... gooooood.

2.) Murphy's Birthday was on Friday. He is one year old! What I love especially is that on Friday morning, you know, typically the day that is the hardest to wake up because we've been beat up by corporate America for the four days preceding and have already put in well over 4o hours... you know, those mornings? Anyway, this last Friday morning, the second the alarm went off, Nick and I both sprang up in the bed, looked at each other with a gleam in our eye, and reached down toward the end of the bed (judge me) to wake up our Mr. Moof.
"It's your birthday!" we both screamed. Then we sang him Happy Birthday, as if he understood what we were saying. Then proceeded to run downstairs to dole out his birthday presents.
Yes, we are THOSE types of dog people.

3.) Spring cleaning, albeit three months late. We cleaned quite a bit on Sunday, threw away junk, scrubbed toilets, that kind of cleaning. It doesn't happen often, I admit. But it's nice to not have drawers overflowing (esp. when you only wear 20% of the items!) and toilet bowls grungy. I mean, we're in our late-twenties. Grungy toilet bowls are just not acceptable anymore. Baby steps.

4.) The urge to sell our house (ha! ha!) and rent instead. I'm thinking... downtown Chelsea. Mostly because I finally dined at Common Grill and I want nothing more than that place to be within walking distance from my home. So I can walk home in a Carb Stupor every night... those rolls!

5.) I got a $100 gift card today from a co-worker/manager. For doing a good job, getting some parts in so production team didn't have to work on 4th of July. Wahoo! Totally unexpected, totally not necessary, but I will totally accept your thanks and gift card. YOU'RE WELCOME! Off to window shop, cyberly speaking.

Ta ta!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

I love when my pup lays with limbs in a tangled mess. He is the cutest pup in all of the world.

Monday, June 8, 2009

What is better than a mason jar full of fresh peonies on your desk on a Monday morning? Not much... I ogled my managers flowers last week, and much to my delight she plucked these from her garden for me! They smell heavenly and best of all... were free!

Friday, June 5, 2009

FW: Bored...

From: Eric Smith
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2009 1:02 PM
To: Collins Lindsay; Nick Collins
Subject: Re: Bored...


Chazz Michael Michaels - I was on the fence with this one.  I didn't like the movie, so that was a major strike against CMM.  I could have replaced Phil Weston with this one and put this CMM at #9.  After further review, I do hear by remove Phil Weston from the list and put CMM in the #7 spot.  There were some great lines in that movie and the scene with Jenna Fisher on the bed was pretty funny.  I think the supporting cast really helped him get on the list.


Steve Butabi - It wasn't a great roll, and the movie was OK at best, but I had to put it on the list because it was his staring roll.  It's now a LOCK at the #10 spot for that reason.  Any future additions to the list will not bump this roll from the list.


Buddy - After review, jumped ahead of Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly


Harold Crick - could have been a little higher on the list, but comedic value to the movie was my top factor on the list (see Ricky Bobby).  In additions, I must admit that I never say the movie all the way through.


Ricky Bobby - Say what you want about the movie, some of the funniest lines to ever come out of Will Ferrell's mouth were in that movie(as with John C Riley).  Furthermore, the guy has two first name!!


Thoughts before I finalize the list.

1)  I have not seen Zoolander in a while.  I need to watch again to make sure Mugato isn't to low on the list.

2)  Is Will Ferrell's roll as Mustafa in the first two Austin Powers movies list worthy?  The scene when he falls off the cliff still cracks me up.  "I think I have broken my leg... I am going to try and stand on it.. CRACK!. Ohhh!!!!" 



List Version 1.2


Top Ten Will Ferrell Movie Rolls


10)       Steve Butabi – A Night at the Roxbury

9)         Mugato – Zoolander

8)         Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly – Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

7)         Chazz Michael Michaels – Blades of Glory

6)         Buddy – Elf

5)         Harold Crick – Stranger Than Fiction

4)         Brennan Huff – Step Brothers

3)         Ricky Bobby – Talladega Nights

2)         Frank "The Tank" Ricard – Old School

1)         Ron Burgundy – Anchorman


Best Cameo Appearance


Chazz Reinhold – Wedding Crashers

(Honorable Mention)

Big Earl – Starsky & Hutch



From: Collins Lindsay
To: Eric Smith; Nick Collins
Sent: Friday, June 5, 2009 12:18:04 PM
Subject: RE: Bored...

Deep thoughts below…


From: Eric Smith
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2009 12:12 PM
To: Collins Lindsay; Nick Collins
Subject: Bored...


Systems are down at work and I am a little bored right now.


What do you think of this list...


Top Ten Will Ferrell Movie Rolls


10)       Phil Weston – Kicking & Screaming -  never saw it!

9)         Steve Butabi – A Night at the Roxbury -  never saw it!

8)         Mugato – Zoolander

7)         Buddy – Elf – move up on the list, to # 5

6)         Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly – Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

5)         Harold Crick – Stranger Than Fiction – should be #3

4)         Brennan Huff – Step Brothers

3)         Ricky Bobby – Talladega Nights – awful movie, imo, take off the list and replace with Blades of Glory (Chazz Michael Michaels)  and move up to #7)

2)         Frank "The Tank" Ricard – Old School

1)         Ron Burgundy – Anchorman


Best Cameo Role:

Chazz Reinhold – Wedding Crashers  - agreed

(Honorable Mention)

Big Earl – Starsky & Hutch -  never saw it!


Among Us

Today is Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday.  He would have been 80.
I've alluded to this fact before, but I find these tidbits of information from a daily email I receive called The Writer's Almanac. They send me a daily poem, and then little gems of information about the day in history from a literary, historical, or cultural point of view.
Anyway, in the paragraph about MLK, it reminds me that he was only 26 years old when he was asked to lead a boycott of the infamous segregated buses.  Twenty-six!  That's how old I am today.  I am a cube monkey.  Let's not make any comparison between the two of us beyond the number of days we've been on this earth at this point in our human experience.
It goes on to mention that had he known what the unintentionally assumed role of "civil rights leader" would encompass, that he might have declined the role.  I think that's pretty magnificent.  At first reading, it might sound kind of... selfish?  You know, had he known all that would be to come in his life, personally, maybe he would have said no.  If he'd know that he'd be murdered in his prime, he'd say no. But I think what that really says, to me anyway, is that he was human, a young man, just like the rest of us.  Not a super-human who was born with martyr-like subconscious, but your normal average guy.  Who went on to become a revolutionary.
I guess what I'm really getting at is this: there will be more of him to come.  In male, female, young, old, gay, straight, black, white, rich, poor, married, single, parent, childless, religious, atheist forms.  And the fact that he was just normal young adult like the rest of us, struggling to make decisions on which battle to fight, which stand needs to be taken, which debate you should jump in on (there are tons in this day and age) - is pretty awesome.  There are more MLK's out there among my demographic, making waves and not even knowing how big they will crash on shore.
{Note - this was written many months ago, but kept in draft mode in my inbox. Just publishing it today, 6-5-09.    The first sentence is obviously incorrect as of today's date.}

Monday, May 25, 2009

My husband couldn't WAIT to ride a tandem bike around Mackinac Island... With his cousin. It's alright. I was the willing historian. More funny pics to follow. The day could have only been better if my Murphy was in my bicycle basket.

Yeah it was only my first one but I gotta say Memorial Day is pretty fun but boy am I tuckered out! For once I am looking forward to my mom and pops go to work tomorrow so I can just sleep allllll day long.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sleeping beauty (who will pinch me for posting this.)


I'm green.
I buy natural soap, shampoo, detergent, food, cleaning supplier, the kit-and-kaboodle. Sometimes I let it mellow when it's yellow, I shut off the water when I'm brushing my teeth, etcetera etcetera. Yeah it's a fad, it's a trend, but I'm on the bandwagon for the long-haul.

But, that's not the type of green I am...

I am green... with envy.

Car envy - I see girls my age drive to work in Lexus, BMW, Saab... and I feel jealous of their wheels. I want that new-smelling leather. Shiny rims. Most importantly, the noticeable logo decal.

Clothes envy - I see people at work who rarely wear the same thing twice. Honestly! That, or they are the MASTER of mixing it up so you can never tell it's re-purposed. At any rate, me and my 10-shirt rotation (from Old Navy and Target) can't help but feel frumpy and out-of-touch with trends.

House-keeper envy - there's a girl at work who has a house-keeper. I WISH! I micro-manage our money just to keep us from bouncing a check; I can't imagine the luxury of paying someone to keep our house clean. I imagine the 10-second spats would all but disappear.

Hair-envy - just tonight, while enjoying a dish at Noodles with Nick, and eating slowly to allow more time for people-watching, I spotted a girl with the perfect shade of hair. Hers was more auburny-red than my stawberry-blone red. I said out loud "I wish my hair was that color." Nick just said "You need a haircut." The man speaks the truth, my friend. Which thus brings me to:

Hair-dresser envy - Ummm. I don't have a hair-dresser. I use coupons from the clipper to get my $8.99 haircuts. Okay, I won't lie, this has only happened once (my last haircut experience) but it will probably happen again in the next week or so. Cuz girlfriend's got some SPLIT ENDS. But I envy those girls who are BFFs with their hairdressers, sit and chit-chat with them, go every month, etc. I usually end up praying the "stylist" won't talk to me b/c I'm kinda anti-social.

But, in the end, this post is really silly. Because I realize... envy is not a pretty trait. You know what is? Gratitude.

So to counter my negative karma/energy/thoughts, here are the things I treasure, and the things that REALLY matter.

My husband, Nick. BFF. MOH. Proud Papa (to Murphy, don't get any ideas). Grill-Master. Expert Lawn-Mower (lest I have to step on frogs in the yard - truly, my #1 fear about cutting the lawn).

My Dog. I am a #3 (another post in the works...). I truly love the little guy.

My Family, both by blood, by marriage, and by friendship.

My health.
My awesome house. As much as it causes me headache, it's home to my little family.
My employer, for continuing to pay me. Ditto to my husband's.
OKAY - so this turned from jealous/snarky to Thanksgiving-in-May post. Speaking of which... I'm thinking we should throw a Christmas-in-July part... complete with Christmas cookies, eggnog, and mistletoe. Good idea or chirp-chirp-I'm-busy that night?

Signing off on that note...

P.S. I officially can't post pictures and/or get them aligned properly. Good thing I'm not a stickler to details or have any sense of aesthetic. :P

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Venting 101

It's crazy to me that the Powers That Be here at My Place of Employment put a person in charge around here that talks to people as if they've flunked Kindergarten twice, with Cliff's Notes, and the answer manual.
We are not stupid. You are an asshole.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thing I Can No Longer Do Now That I Work In An "Open Cube" Area

 - floss my teeth if I have last night's popcorn kernals hiding in the crevices between my canines
 - scratch my boob
 - use my letter opener to scratch my back (underneath the shirt)
 - do a quick once-over of my tissues (ladies shouldn't do that anyway, right?)
 - search for open positions at my company - don't want people getting the wrong idea
 - apply last-minute make-up in a last-ditch effort to look put-together
 - sit like a hunchback (probably a good thing, no?)
 - gmail all day
 - play solitare on those down minutes

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


I’m going to try to post every day for the month… last night was weak as it was a quick note from my cell. Anyway, Dick was one of my supplier sales reps whom I had many a lunch with. He worked up to his very last day. My coworker Marina and I went to his son’s house to visit with his family after the funeral. His daughter-in-law, Lynn, who had recently begun working with him (driving, making lunch appointments with customers, etc.) said that her last conversation with him before he passed away was about getting a sample from us for a quote. Amazing! In his eighty-eight years, he worked until the very last day. I can honestly say, that’s probably the only time I’ll ever go to a supplier’s funeral-type deal. I don’t have that level of report (not even close) with any other suppliers. The fact that his family invited us over to their house speaks volumes of this man, no? We met another guy there at the house that was another customer of his. Wow… true testament, if you ask me. This guy was a WWII vet, served in the Air Force as a pilot, and was a natural born storyteller. Listening to him tell stories from those times makes me feel like a chump! In a good way J Inspiring, I should say. Anyway, we always went to the same eatery (Webber’s Inn in Ann Arbor) and he ordered the same thing every time. “An ice cold Budweiser in a cold glass, a Reuben with extra dressing on the side, and a box to take home half of the sandwich for my wife.” Anyway, it was a treat to hear his stories, share in the work portion of his life, and get to know him a little over the past three years.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Dick, it was a pleasure

Dick, it was a pleasure knowing you. I had a Bud Light in a cold glass for you tonight. Rest in peace.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


March First. First of March. I kind of like March. I'm glad February is over.

Well, for one, it's Jackie's Birthday. Let's all say a rousing Happy Birthday to Jackie! Hurray!

Secondly, it's the kick-off of Spring Cleaning in the Collins Household. Thus far, I have: vacuumed the whole house, cleaned the stove-top, washed the linens, rid the refrigerator of expired goods, scrubbed the water closets, and rinsed the dishes. Suffice it to say, my hands are pruny and dry, my wastebasket full and heavy, and my vacuum one tired little lady. And really, if you walked in my house right this second, you'd say "Really? You've been cleaning? Ummm..." because for me? Cleaning seems to be a messy chore and you don't really see the entire effect until I'm 100% done. It's frustrating, yes, but a part of the process.

So, that isn't necessarily an interesting paragraph to read, but why all the cleaning, you ask? My husband is out of town, you see, and I'm bored. Plus, it needed to happen. Lord knows I don't want mice or ants or other vermin running around my part of town because of my mess(es).

Why is my husband out of town, you might ask? His friends started a little company and asked Nick to help with the business side of it. Go check them out here. So they hopped a plane down to Orlando to attend a Nerd Conference, whoops, a MegaCon conference. Oh, the nerdery. But! I think it's really cool that Rob has caught this entrepreneurial bug and is pursuing it. Inspiring! I am just waiting for my "Aha!" moment to come along so I can put forth some energy into something that truly interests me...

So, where was I going with this post? Not quite sure. I lost my train of thought. But here's what I know for sure: a Sunday wouldn't be a Sunday without a little trashy tv watching. I'm about to hunker down with some forbidden goods (ice cream!) and turn me on some MTV. Perhaps a more cohesive post tomorrow...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Condition Has A Name!

I heard a great term the other day (and by "heard" I mean "read on someone's blog") - it's called Bargain Tourettes.  OMFGALAHAOLOAHAALOL.  When I read it, it was as if the clouds parted and the light from heaven shone down on me like an epiphanous dream.  I finally knew the name of one of my worst habits: spontaneously blurting out the price and location of purchase of any piece of clothing I receive a compliment on.
For instance (and this is almost identical to the blog that I heard this term on, a blog that I have since forgot, otherwise I would be giving undying praise for such a term):
Coworker:  "Cute top!"
Me: "Thanks! Sears, $12.99 with 30% off, so like, less than ten bucks!"
And then, of course:
Me: "I don't typically shop at Sears, but I parked there when I went to the mall, you know, cuz there's more open spots because WHO SHOPS AT SEARS, but as I was walking through the store to get to the mall, it caught my eye, and I was like 'You know what? I can buy a top at Sears!' so I bought it! And it was less than ten bucks!"
Coworker is already walking down the hall to escape my horrible case of B.T.
Can't say I really blame her...
But who's with me - do you have a case of Bargain Tourettes?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My Poinsetta is still alive and kicking, a good 2+ months after I got it. My plant is better than yours.

Fwd: Congratulations!

Because my maiden name is the most common, I get tons of emails from people intending to reach another Lindsay Smith.  I was lucky enough to nab the lindsay.smith email address at a popular email site at the site's inception.  So I get tons of email for people trying to reach lindsay.smith1 or lindsay.smith2, you get the idea.

This email below is so precious that I thought I'd share. Usually the emails are something along the lines of "Study Group - meeting at the library at 7!" or "Hey it was great meeting you last night!" in which case I snicker that the schmuck either 1.) got a fake email address from a girl, or 2.) is a doof who didn't write down the email address correctly.  Either way, I always end up replying to let them know of their mistake.
I wish everyone had a Grandpa Opal.

From: <>
Date: Thu, Feb 19, 2009 at 6:08 PM
Subject: Congratulations!

Dear Granddaughter,

     Congratulations!  What exciting news you had to send Sunday morning.  I am delighted that you have found such a nice young man to be your life long companion.  I wish you much happiness.

     I had a fall here at home last Sat.AM.  I had a problem with my right arm.  It is better but now I am having trouble with my back.  I'm just an old clumsy has been.

     You will be having a birthday the day before Easter.  Hope it will be a happy one.Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks.

     Love always,
     Grandma Opal

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I am just now remembering my dream from two nights ago. I was in line waiting to play a game-show type game, with the top prize being this totally decorated new house.  House included.  Tom Cruise was in line in front of me, he was behind the first person. The stars were not aligned for this first person, as he didn't win the house. Tommy Boy went up next, waved his hand over the seam of the door, flicked his finger along the handle (dreams aren't supposed to make sense, are they?), and won the house. His joyous response was to dance ala "Tropic Thunder" and all of a sudden the Ludacris song started playing out of thin air and he started dancing like Les Grossman. I was so pissed he won that house, I couldn't even enjoy the dancing. Then I woke up, and started thinking about getting new curtains.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Currently Stressing Me Out:

My work email has 4600 emails in my "sent mail" that need to be filed, discarded, or followed-up on. That number is so intimidating, I keep ignoring it. But - it has got to be done. My email is on the brink of collapse. Clean it out, or lose it all.
I'm thinking back to the days of yore, to a time when I had a daunting task ahead of me and a timeline to boot -- write a term-paper at the end of my study-abroad stay in Dublin, Ireland. No paper, no credit. The survival tactic then?  A 40 of Irish Cider in the computer lab with me to get me through it all.  Unfortunately, I don't think that will fly this time.
I guess a machine-bough coffee will have to suffice.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Wake up my people! Professor Murphy here. I will give my Blog Lecture here from the comfy and cozy confines of my bed. Or my mama's bed, but seeing as how it's Saturday it's also my bed between the hours of 6 and 10. I insist on jumping up and joining them if those two lazy parents of mine sleep in til ten - the nerve of them! Anyway, the lecture of the day is: STOP GLOBAL WARMING! That is all for today, folks, tune in for my next installment - STOP WORLD HUNGER. Oh shit, I just gave it away. I'm always doing that! Anyway, same time next week?

Friday, January 30, 2009


I just realized my dentist appointment in on Monday... which is February 2nd... which, for you non-Bill Murray fans who aren't in the know, is Groundhogs Day. I suppose you could be an Andie MacDowell fan and know that as well, however, I always found her to be a bit on the flighty side, so my loyalties lie with Mr. Murray.
Anyway, I can't think of a worse way to spend Groundhog's Day, you know, if the malady in the movie just happened to play out on this particular February second. Six months ago was my first visit to this dentist office. I had been to the same dentist for twenty-some years.  After moving out to the Ann Arbor area, it seemed a tad silly to drive well over an hour to a dentist just because I didn't want to change.
Truthfully, I didn't want to visit a new dentist because my old dentist knew my "history". You know, the history that included vomiting in the dental chair (after a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, no less) after a cavity filling, those types of things. It was kind of intimidating walking into a new dentist office and trying to explain the whole "well sometimes I get a little queasy" schtick. "Little" being the understatement of the year.
Things went swimmingly well at the new place, until the hygienist subjected me to a terrorist activity. Anytime someone jabs small pointy objects into the depths of your gums, well, that qualifies as terrorist activity if you ask me. Mass destruction indeed! Except the weapon was tiny as hell in this instance.
Wow - so I've gotten way off track here.
Feb. 2nd. Dentist. I'm thinking I should re-schedule.

Just... Wow...

From "Exxon Mobil reported the largest annual profit in U.S. history Friday, making $45.22 billion on the back of record oil prices."
That's kind of sickening, no?
P.S. Sickening is making a comeback. You heard it here first.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

If I Had A Millon Dollars

So I saw Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday night and it got me thinking: (among other things) "What would I do if I won a million dollars?" Except in my head, I said it like "What would I do if I won a Millon dollars?" because the talk-show-host totally made me laugh anytime he pronounced Millionaire! as Millonaire!


Since I don't have a millon dollars and won't anytime soon, I thought it'd be fun to pretend. And spend it. In my head.

Let's just pretend I won the millon dollars (of course I knew it was A! It was written!) and it magically showed up in my bank account. Also, magically, there were no taxes taken out. Hey, it's my prerogative.

Here, my friends, is how I would spend it. Every last penny. Until I was living paycheck to paycheck again.

Parents2@$100,000 $ 200,000
Siblings4@$ 5,000 $ 20,000
Friends6@$ 2,000 $ 12,000
House1@$100,000 $ 100,000
Student Loans1@$ 25,000 $ 25,000
Clothes1@$ 3,000 $ 3,000
Charity3@$100,000 $ 300,000
Vacation5@$ 3,000 $ 15,000
Decoration1@$ 25,000 $ 25,000
Savings1@$300,000 $ 300,000
Total$ 1,000,000

Okay, the first few are a doozy. Of course we'd have to compensate our parents accordingly. I am to the age where I understand the crazy sacrifices our parents made for us (what child/tween/teen "gets" that?) and so throw them a few bones and perhaps they can retire a year or two earlier. That would be nice.

Siblings and friends, of course, would need a nice chunk of change. I don't think it needs to go any further than that - cousins, aunts/uncles, college roommates (who don't fall into the "friend" category) etc. are not entitled to a piece of the pie. Sorry psycho roommate!

Next - House. Now, I'm not gonna pay off my house. Some may call me crazy. But I had to ration here, people! Throw $100k and I'm sure my payment would be manageable. Ok, what's funny is that after I wrote the previous sentence, I opened up my Loan Amortization Excel Spreadsheet (OF COURSE I HAVE ONE) and punched in my new amount should said Millon dollars appear in my account. My monthly payment would be roughly 25% of my current payment. Ummm. Apartments in Ann Arbor don't even cost that little. I stand by the $100k.

My next course of action would be to throw some bones at student loans to get that down to a pretty decent number, a number that doesn't make me cry for the year 2017 when we're free from stupid student loan payments.

Of course, I'll need to re-do the wardrobe (I'm thinking... stuff that FITS. Novel idea.). While I'm a Millonaire, I'm still a cheap mofo, so I'll stick to the mall. Three G should get me very very far in a mall.

Charity. Cannot forget charity. I can spare $100k for three near-and-dear to my heart charities. Arthritis Foundation. American Heart Association. Susan G. Komen. Done, done, and done.

Ahhh - decorations. I use this term to mean "omfg totelly P1MP out ma' cribbbbb". Basically, I'd like an expensive, high-quality sofa. Some new hardwood floors. A finished basement. Wait, can $25k cover that?! Ahh, am having doubts. Must re-prioritize!

That leaves me with a healthy $300k for... (boooooring) savings! You know, compound interest and shit. I'm down with exponential growth. Yeah, baby!

Well, so there you have it. This entire post was dreamed up while an amazing movie played out before my eyes. All of a sudden, the lights came on in the theater and people stood up as though it was the end of the movie. Except! It WAS the end of the movie. Oh shit.
[Yes, I do realize this pipe dream of $1M is totally not reality. Trust me. I get that. I read the scary articles (2.6M jobs lost in 2008? SCARY). At some point, you have to go to La-La-Land every once in a while. Me and That Point are currently, you know, talking.]

[Also, I totally did NOT draft this in my head while watching the movie. I was actually watching the movie. Great movie. Can I end another sentence with movie? Movie. Anyway, I actually drafted this thing while at work, thankyouverymuch. On second thought, oh shit. Probably shouldn't advertise any sense of un-productivity! On the internet!]