Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reason #4 I Should Not Be Called An Adult - or - How I Almost Got Arrested For Assulting A Hertz Representative (Even Though I Was The Dumbass...)

HolaMeLlamoAlli: honk
HolaMeLlamoAlli: hola
HolaMeLlamoAlli: ese
linds1982smith: honk from hola-town
linds1982smith: ese, love that
HolaMeLlamoAlli: so you got your comp back?
linds1982smith: yes
linds1982smith: omg
linds1982smith: i didn't tell u the whole story cuz it was too long for text
linds1982smith: so......
linds1982smith: we land in Texas, stand in line at the rental car place, go out to the lot
linds1982smith: our key says "silver Mazda 5" and we see a dark dark gray one and we put our luggage in the trunk
linds1982smith: i put my laptop bag in the back seat, take out my binder and start reviewing my notes, etc.
linds1982smith: mark tries to start the car, we realize we're in the wrong car cuz it won't start
HolaMeLlamoAlli: ohhhh
linds1982smith: so,... i start laughing at him, run out of the car to take a pic as he's unloading his bags from the wrong rental car
linds1982smith: TOTALLY forget my laptop bag in the back seat, which still has the laptop in it
linds1982smith: we get in the correct car, drive off to Mexico
HolaMeLlamoAlli: ohhh shoot
linds1982smith: visit with the Mexicans for a couple hours, drive to the hotel to check in
linds1982smith: as we're getting our bags out of the car, i immediately realize i dont have my laptop
linds1982smith: we high-tail it back to the airport to the rental car area
linds1982smith: other mazda 5 is gone
HolaMeLlamoAlli: how far away is mexico
HolaMeLlamoAlli: shuttt up
linds1982smith: i start sobbing (okay not really) and we go inside to the booth
linds1982smith: tell her the story...
linds1982smith: she's like "well i don't know what car that was, who has it, etc.etc>"
HolaMeLlamoAlli: omgina
linds1982smith: i pull a knife (okay, not really) and convince her she can look up the info
HolaMeLlamoAlli: lolol
linds1982smith: she sighs, calls her boss, he sends her a 15 page report of all the cars that we checked out that day
linds1982smith: she goes over them slowly, sighing loudly so we can hear and showing us what a long list it is
linds1982smith: i'm like "okay bitch, i know you wish that you could just sit and flirt with hor-hay-osa, but do your g.d. job!!"
HolaMeLlamoAlli: LOLOLOMG
HolaMeLlamoAlli: i am dying
linds1982smith: she found what she thought was the car, and called the ph # on record
linds1982smith: Thank f-ing God they had the bag
linds1982smith: dropped it off at the lobby of another hotel
linds1982smith: and we went to pick it up
HolaMeLlamoAlli: wow
linds1982smith: i sobbed some more, stroked the computer, and told it never to leave my side again

HONESTLY : Would this happen to anyone else?! I love business trips!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

There are a few things that happen, without fail, with a somewhat structured frequency that I somehow manage to completely forget about. Then when they happen, I'm like "Oh, yeah! [Sample event] occurs every [insert frequency]! And I always seem to forget about it!!"

A few examples, in a dashed list, as I do not know how to use bullets in HTML and am too lazy tonight to figure it out...

- Taxes. Every year, without fail, I get a wad of money back. You'd think that this positive activity would reinforce the feelings of glee when all of a sudden you're $2000 richer. (Or... you get back the $2000 that you earned but was taken away from you... either way.) and would make me anticipate the next such occcurance. But not so much. I'll get that thin envelope from my employer every year, same time, and wonder what in the hell they are sending me that would be only 1 page thin. I open it up, wonder why they sent me my payroll information, then start sweating with excitement that, Oh Yeah! Tax Refund!!

- Another thing: sunburn. It's as though every August or September, the memory of sunburns past is just wiped from my brain. Every day I couldn't sit on the toilet cuz of the bad burn I got on my ass, or had to free-ball it (no bra) because the thought of anything touching my back that wasn't made of, say, baby butt skin or the whisper of a fairy or something, made me cry for my mommy. All the knowledge I re-learned that summer of 1) yes, you can get sunburned through clouds or 2) if you're going to a Tigers game and are sitting right in line with the sun, you should bring SPF or at least fork over $10 for some at the concessions (yes, they sell it at Comerica Park) or even 3) don't untie your top and loosely let it drape over your breasts in your backyard cuz maybe the kids from the 'hood (the neighborhood, dumbass) would use your backyard as a shortcut and maybe get too much bang for their buck (their buck being, of course $0)... anyway, yes that was/is a long long run-on sentance and #3 had nothing to do with lessons learned about sun exposure and yes, this sentence is still not finished and what the fuck woman, I hate you stop talking!

Yes, sunburns. I seem to have to re-learn the hard way every fucking year.

- The Curse. Aunt Flo coming to town. The Crimson Wave. "Menstruation." While this is a much more frequent event, I still seem to be oblivious to it every fucking time. "Oh, I forgot how crippling cramps are and how I pretty much want to dieeee one day every fucking month." Hence the name "The Curse." And while I still don't understand how bad it must hurt for a guy to be kicked in the junk, I don't at all have any sympathy for your pain, as we must endure this 12 times a year, and some of us who choose to procreate have to endure much much more tragic things to our girly bits that I won't even discuss, nor am at liberty to discuss as I haven't gone through that process. At any rate, I still suffer from short term amnesia when it comes to my monthly uterine duties.

On that note, now that we've gotten all personal... how you doin'?? ;)

--Post Script--
I just realized I had a blog that was in Draft status, not sure why, but I posted it. Here it is, in case you're stalking me... http://lindsmith.blogspot.com/2005/12/honestly-this-will-be-my-last-listpost.html

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Omg if I read one more g.d. story about stupid James Frey and his dumb memoir/novel/whatever it is, I'll have to shit on my computer. Not "vomit a little in my mouth" but shit right on the gloriousness that is my Dell Inspiron's soundless keyboard. I was about 1/3 into the book when a friend sent me the link to the Smoking Gun thing, before it made huge news, and I sort of dismissed it cuz that site's a little crazy. Turns out they're not so crazy afterall, and it totally made me not want to finish the book because of all the commotion. But what a boring paragraph, I just realized!

I'll be on a plane to Hawaii in like.... doing the mental math.... 30 hours? Something like that? Whooooo-hoo!