i seem to have started off more that one blog with "i just wrote something but i erased it"... which is what i wrote prior to erasing THAT sentence and writing this one. i realize that this is probably a bad thing, that i cannot post what i want to, in what is supposed to be MY blog, because i know that people read it, and probably because i don't want them to think differently of me because of what i write. and that SUCKS to realize that. i consider myself a pretty normal person, and i think most people who know me (and read this... who are you?!) would back me up on this one. but for whatever reason, i keep everything at an arms reach (is that the right saying?) and away from my body. i don't understand that, because sometimes i don't understand me, which can be uncomfortable sometimes. i try to open up, i do. or at least i think about opening up. but it's hard. i try to be influenced by my surroundings, but it is hard. i don't really know where i am going with this blog, most of what i really am thinking is in the blog i just wrote and copied and pasted out of blogger, for reasons mentioned above. i just feel a big sigh coming on. :::SIGH::: that felt good.