favorite boy band of 2001: LFO... summer time girls got it goin' on. that song never gets old. chinese food makes me sick... never gets old. and the new one... LIFE IS GREAT i love it. it's scary how much songs influence me.

favorite restaurant of 2001: taste of thai. chicken pad thai, good. but when it comes to this place, stick to what you know. i tried "pad see ew" once, and let me tell you... that's the last time i ever order food with the word "EW" in it. enough said.

favorite spartan moment of 2001: hmmm. there's a few. cold war, attack of squirrel, channeling the spirit of miles davis, dumb parties, failing school, new people, old people, in between people.

favorite color of 2001: the bright as ass yellow of my room, ala summer 2001.

favorite concert of 2001: lifehouse. worth the wait.

favorite outing of 2001: cedar point halloween weekend. freezing as all hell (wait... nevermind) but you can't beat a 10 minute line for the millennium force, only to clutch your head the entire way down because your hat is flying off your head. yup, can't beat that.

favorite saying of 2001: yet another tie. "super excellent sweet" "schwing!" and the usual OOC LMC HYMM HS etc.

favorite song quote of 2001: there's a few.
"how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you?" mmm hi lifehouse
"i was gonna go to class, but i got high..." kooky boy afroman
"say hello... but wave goodbye" david grey
"it's so hard to do, and so easy to say... but sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away" ben harper
"celebrate, don't wait too late... one more time, we're gonna celebrate..." daft punk
"i want to be where i've never been before... i want to be there and then i'd understand. i know i'm right and do it right-- could i get to be like that? i don't know and i don't know but there's nothing more to gain." guster
"sometimes it hurts so badly i must cry out loud" csny
"this is over my head but underneath my feet" lifehouse
"i live my life by the moon: if it's high i play it low, if it's harvest: go slow, and if it's full, then go" nelly furtado

favorite job of 2001: summer camp. fun shit with nina, kath, and maria!

favorite class of 2001: REL 320 with chris frilingos

favorite athletic moment of 2001: being beat by both my mom and sister in the turkey trot 10k.

here's to more favorites, and more of everything. cheers.

you think you know... but you have no idea.

p.s. and you probably will never have an idea, but between you and me, let's not pretend... you don't want an idea anyway.

yessss. this vacation rules.

go see A Beautiful Mind.

i'm so done.

rephrase: i am so almost done.

merry christmas

'tis the season

i am SUCH a good student.

billy elliott is my hero.

i wish movies were "satisfaction guaranteed" cuz i'd sure as hell demand my 8.50 back from Vanilla Sky. i can't believe cameron crowe did that - the same man who did jerry maguire, say anything, and almost famous? almost my ass. i should probably stop swearing, it's unattractive.
tick tock, the clock is counting off another minute... and here i sit.
happy new year blog readers. in advance.
did you ever realize how after college, i suppose like how after high school, you only keep in touch with those you make a conscious effort to keep in touch with? then i think of who all i have kept in touch with from high school, and i try and figure out who from college i'll keep in touch with. it's weird how life goes through phases like that, but what's the phase after college? nothing really. oh well.
but i'm still waiting to run into someone.
and when will it snow already? don't get me wrong, i hate driving in snow and stuff, but i want to go sledding before break is over! that was so fun last winter...
oh, and i've been watching TLC lately, and i miss it so! dating show, wedding show, baby show, trading spaces. it would be DANGEROUS if michigan state had TLC on their cable, cuz i WOULD NOT GO TO CLASS!
i've been stalking stu-info and they won't post my grades! i'm dying to find out how i did overall. ah it'll be one to post on the fridge.
say hello and wave goodbye."

aw feck, i lost my post!

(gasp) she just said the f-word!
no, i think she said "feck"
what's the difference?
the letter u

p.s. do not post and publish at the same time. that's how i lose my precious thoughts :_(
tear

i don't know where to draw the line with myself. sometimes i just need to regulate my thoughts, like have a referee up there to say "no that's definately a personal foul, one more from you and you're out of the game" and sometimes to blow the whistle on the other guy and let me know that i was indeed being wronged, and no it was not just my imagination. but the bottom line, and yes, the BOTTOM line, is that i need to learn some self-regulation. surely it can be done. it cannot be unattainable. nothing truly is, except maybe the lions going to the superbowl. i need to get real with myself, in true dr.phil style. (no i am not seeing a shrink, but i have been known to watch tuesday's oprahs, 'eh, from time to time' --that was a movie quote). whoa a little off subject. self-regulation. see there i can do it. sort of. ahhhhh. and then i allow other things to complicate the previous things, such that i am not even sure what it is i am trying to self-regulate. except that i do, but i just think i am complicating it so as not to disappoint myself? no that's not it. set myself up for disappointment? cuz i sure as hell know that there's no way i could disappoint myself in such situations, but i know other factors could. i'm so not even following myself. but i do know this: the key to it all lies in me. and my reactions to things, and my overreactions and underreactions. someone once said that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. AMEN to that. it's so the truth. try and deny it all you want. but you know that the things you complain about, bitch about, even the things that make you the most happy are all reactions... not really the things itself. or something along those lines. sooooo. ah, invasion. i wish i could just forget. have amnesia in that part of my mushy gray matter of brain. it's so weird how our minds work, how i can sit here, there, anywhere, literally, and think about it. kind of .... i don't know. not cool i guess. i mean, just get over it. that's all. see, here i've wasted another 15 minutes trying to explain it without really explaining it at all. i hate when you have thoughts, and then you try and tell someone them and they just flee your mind. like they're scared of the light or something. so they run and hide in the crevices of you brain. (i believe they are in fact called sutures?) oh gosh i'm just sitting here, waiting for like santa claus to show up and deliver. but i have a sneaking suspicion that's not going to happen. aw shit. ok so this is where i should take the hint, and this is the part i always screw up and don't. we're talking crucial. if i can't take advice from myself, i'm doomed. angel on my left is saying "go to bed" and fallen angel on right is saying "no go out late and stay up". not literally, i'm not talking about sleep patterns and circadean rhythm here, but you know. but i don't really think i have a fallen angel anyway. or an angel angel for that matter. roger that, i think i have an angel. anyway, totally unrelated to the horrible analogy i just gave, and nothing to do with angels, i'm going to bed. i'm in love with my bed. i'm going to marry it. that would solve everything.

and if i don't see you... good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

roxanne, channelling the spirit of miles davis:

so how are you?
freedie freeloader and i are doing just great
****************************
i am keeping to mood set by playing them some songs
****************************
you know jazz will clear the brain and allow the soul to accept the information
****************************
bisexual?... is not a new sexual postion?... well damn....back in my day we just did it missionary style

then her just being plain old silly: hey, i could be an actor, i could be a writer, hell i could even be a creative calender writer!

do you ever just want to walk into a room yelling "fuck y'all, all y'all, if y'all don't like me: blow me" ? just wondering.

i say "oy" you say....... "veh"

now kids, don't lick the icicle......

:::the reservoir is empty::: this will have to suffice.
these are exerpts from a book my mom got me, called "the meaning of life: reflections in words and pictures on why we are here", made by Life Magazine. my favorites:


The meaning of life is listening to Pavarotti, feeling the sun on your face, drinking a bottle of wine, and then another. The meaning of life is having a safe and healthy society, a happy family life, good health, a loving wife, work that you like, smelling the smell of a new car and the ocean air, being able to hit a bull's-eye, coming home with the fish and not another fish story." Carmine Pucci, a butcher

If I had been asked why we are here four years ago, just when my daughter was born and I would stand over her little bassinet asleep and just weep uncontrollably because I was beyond happiness or sorrow or any other feeling I had ever known, I would have said that this small child - my child - and all others just like her, was the reason we are here. Just the other day, though, over her objections, I turned off the Sleeping Beauty video she was watching so that her father and I could watch the evening news. Half to herself, half to the empty space in front of her, not directly at us at all, and in a plaintive voice, she said, "Now I'm all alone with my boring parents." If anyone should absolutely, definitely, truthfully find out why we are here, please do not tell me. If I were to really, really know, I feel certain that I should then ask, "Please, may I now leave?" Jamaica Kincaid

While calamity jane in a slow burlesque plays catch in a bone yard way at the top of a two-legged mare it was a good night full of bad dreams with flat champagne and leaves in my hair, still shooting at birds with a violin bow first whisper your dreams in your children's ears making them safe as a hurricane dangling from a spider web and across the plate with a swing and a crack with just a skull for a ball and a leg-bone bat and all I remember are sparkle rocks, blue horses and flamingos as the train begins to slow and I always saw better when my eyes were closed." Tom Waits

I used to think that life was all about going to work, nine to five, busting your butt. I was a commodities broker before I was a sock salesman. I worked at Four World Trade Center on the New York Mercantile Exchange. I was a trader. And I lost a whole lot of money in one day. Around fifty thousand dollars. I went from being pretty well-off to being broke-- all in one day. After I lost it, I thought, "this is the end of the world." Soon after it was all gone, I realized money wasn't that important anymore.
Then I started selling socks on the street. It has made me a little bit tougher, not as trustful. I have a harder edge to me. Part of the meaning of life is learning that some people come to you with a smile and all of a sudden they're trying to stab you in the back when you turn around. When that happens to me I really don't feel so bad about it because I'm honest, I go to sleep with a clear head every night. I realize that these people who try to "get over" on me--who try to pull a number on me--do not. Life is not about going through the drudgery of work. Life is aobut trying to enhannce your existance: anything from climbing mountains to going up in a hot air balloon to falling in love. Life is more or less trying to surround yourself with good people." Wayne Silverman

The real question to ask is: Why am I here?
Each of us was placed here for a special purpose. I believe that it is each person's responsibility to determine what he or she can do to make the world a better place-- and then go out and do it.
We are here to:
Live together peacefully.
Be honest with ourselves and others.
Stand on principle, never yielding to expediency.
Take full responsibility for our actions.
Control our selfish and acquisitive instincts.
Protect and preserve our home-- the planet we live on.
Maintain and improve the most efficient unit of government the world has ever known-- the strong family unit.
Manage a world driven by rapid change for the benefit of future generations even though an inherent trait of human nature is to resist change.
Be resolute and unflinching in accomplishing the toughest tasks, where the odds of achieving success are against us.
Risk failure." Ross Perot

The reason we are here is to ask "Why are we here?" and have the question go unanswered." Marc Kravitz

The only real meaning in life can be found in a good man. And maybe Paris. Preferably the two together."

No why. Just here." John Cage

t minus one week.

pardon my french.

fuck it, i'm sick.

i HATE cse131. just thinking about the fact that we have an assignment due this thursday, plus an exam this thursday, plus a 20%-of-my-grade group assignment, plus a final exam in a week in that class alone makes my body want to puke. this professor is out of control-just ridiculous. heartless if you ask me. does he think my entire life revolves around his class. my body aches thinking about this next week. asd;lfkjas;dlfkjasfja;fja;fjd;afjd;afjd;afjdadsflja. there got that out of my system. not really.
anyway. it's not even december yet. i mean, it is, i'm just in shock. who-hoo for sleeping in for a month at home in my comfy bed. having my dog come whine at my bed cuz she wants me to wake up and play with her. my brother and sister fighting, having real food available to me, hanging out, driving my little saturn, etc. i miss 13 mile and lahser. i love how i always know the light schedule for that intersection. school is great but i've never felt so stressed in my life. ever. and i don't stress, it's a rare occasion. so much to do, so little time. that's so cliche. whatever.
on a lighter note... i ran today for like an hour, and had some ben and jerry's. quality. i'm listening to oar, and marvin gaye. i have purple christmas lights on my loft. i had a fun time with 2 good friends on friday. my mom called me today. i bought my first christmas present today too. lifehouse concert is in 1 week, a long awaited concert at that. chiro in the a.m. (uhhhhh 3 8:00 classes next semster, big "we'll see"). i haven't done a shred of homework this weekend, and if i thought yesterday was a waste of a day, today was even worse. i literally did nothing. good episode of the practice, and a run, and Cherry Garcia. but not a thing else. took off aol instant messenger. had a blog war with roxanne. got some dinner. did a face mask. i am so rambling. my back hurts. six packs by the getaway people. what a weird song considering. i have no idea what's going on. i feel like people are talking about me behind my back, not in a bad way, but in a way nonetheless. it's weird. i don't like not knowing what people are saying about me. i'd rather not know i was being talked about. any-who. new song like NOW. yesssss it's billy. he's the man.
breathe in. hold. breathe out. repeat as needed. like over and over again.
what the hell am i talking about. i feel like such a sped. america's sweethearts was like the worst movie ever. besides "the honk-et" and "roll of quarters" reference. he was the only funny thing in it, even the whole dog-sniffing-the-crotch thing was lame. but johnny is still THE SHIT. pushing tin, say anything, grosse point blank make up for it. we all make mistakes. there's another one i love, but i can't think of it. damn.
whooooooa oh. for the longest time.
baby cuz i'm a THUG. no i'm not. i'm the anti-thug.
oh my gosh my room is sweltering. i'm only about 60% sure that "sweltering" is a word, and then only like 20% that it is applicable in the way i used it. i'm really hot though, as in temperature. when i woke up this morning, the room was spinning. that's probably not a good thing. it was spinning saturday when i woke up, but i thought that was cuz i was just hung over. i shouldn't have been hungover sunday morning too. but sure enough it was spinning. if i am even getting sick, i'm going to fail the semester. i won't even pull a 2.0. it'll be like a zero-point. oh well. i should buy some zinc. and take back my white christmas lights while i'm at it. wednesday morning. maybe, if i wake up.
i forgot to do my capa again this week. i'm so ........... i don't know. dumb. i mean, i could get 100% on every one, but i either put it off and forget to do it, or put it off til like an hour before it's due. screw that. yay for no more capa, like, EVER. it's been real.
colt 45. afroman. funny shit. kinda gross, but a little vulgarity never hurt anyone.
funny quotes from the weekend:
*hi, i'm doug, but don't worry: i'm gay*
*what's that smell? [looking around, then down at the tray] oh, it's my taco bell*
*this is my friend. she got a 36 on the A.C.T. --yeah, and my friend, she got a 35. i only hang out with smart people.-- *
*if you hadn't been [reference to a blow job] earlier, i'd say you looked cute*
*don't let anything bite your ass*
*[while someone's peeing in the bushes] hey if someone's coming, just run up to them and flash them, ok?*
*my hands are cold [reference to last year's last football game] --then put them down your pants-- *
*oh ... hi miguel!!*
*honket*
ok i'm sick of being awake. night to all. i mean, night lindsay. cuz i'll read this to myself in like 3 seconds.

ok now that i am over my blog-happy weird mood, (plus off the phone with roxanne) i am stating for the record that i have uninstalled, yes that is correct, i have taken instant messenger off of my computer. it is no longer on it, therefore if you see me online in the next week, come over and kick my ass because i shouldn't be. either i have downloaded it again like a bad girl, or i'm somewhere else on it. and i shouldn't be. if i'm going to get a 2 point this semester at least i should say i tried studying. put in a little effort. nevermind that all of the effort was in the last week of class.... yay for taking 2 100-level intro courses next semester. yay for probably being kicked out of the honors college. yay for college in general. that's 3 yay's i must go now.

me... peeing in someone's lawn? what a crock of shit. i would never break the law... don't you know that public urination warrants a ticket? i would NEVER NEVER do that. nice try rox.

uh oh, roxanne is laughing a sinister laugh, she's going to post some false, slanderous shit about me!

i think i have a hold too. my parents are dingbats and forget to mail in my payments too

we very much need to stop going on blogger and need to 1.) get lives 2.) do homework, in order of importance

roxanne and i are typing away like speed demons

what the fuck do you do on stu-info?" -me
"oh... i like to look at my account info, and see if there are any holds on my account. let me see if i have a hold (in an optimistic 'i-never-have-any-holds' tone of voice).......aw shit, i have a hold!!"

i'm on the phone with roxanne and she just said to me: "oooh i want to go on stu-info, i haven't been on there in a while..."

i love playing with office supplies while i'm at work. today i discovered a dispenser, which upon first inspection appeared to look quite similar to a white-out tape dispenser. you know what i'm talking about? the ones that were awkwardly designed when they first came out, but now come in sleek, small, neat dispensers? well, i found an ancient white-out one, and another that looked to be identical. quite the contrary. it produces a linear amount of post-it sticky-ness. this is no joke. firmly press the paper with this device and you find yourself with a neat line of gooey, yet clean, sticky-ness (for lack of a better term). that was the rad-est thing i've found here in a good while. finding cool stuff like that here is like finding a toy in a cheerios box. it was always the sugary cereals with the awesome toys, and let me tell you, kinesiology office is the cheerios of any campus office.
another fun thing i was playing with is the paper-cutter. oh man those things are dangerous. i remember melanie in first grade, i think she cut her finger off with one of those. we had ambulances and everything, which was a big deal in clarkston. i thought she was, like, dying. i so wished that i was in miss vera's class that day instead of mean old mrs. weglarski's, because then i would have been in on the action. probably wouldn't have been a good thing, though, seeing as how my first queasy passing-out type incident was first documented at age four, so most likely i would've puked or something to that effect. so every time i have used a paper-cutter after that fateful day in grade one, i always think back to the notion of my finger hanging on by a gooey, slimey thread because of a mere slip of the hand. to this day. yes, these are the thought that run through my mind at work. it's either that, or create a bulletin board for all of the kinesiology major, which sounds like major ugh to me. oh shit. i hope that doesn't mean that i'll suck at advertising, because i don't want to make a kinesiology bulletin board. sh- to the -it. i'm going, my boss is back.

it is starting ::::teeth chattering:::: to get cold.

p.s. try saying chattering 5 times really fast.

i'm going to stop talking about 1.) my weight 2.) a certain someone. for 1.) the only exception will be to check up on kk's progress so we can size each other up with our t-18 to go standings. 2.) i say this all the time. whatever i'm going to make a conscious effort this time.

so i ran in the turkey trot on thanksgiving morning. had to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn. 7:15 to be more precise. so yeah i haven't been up that early in about 105 days. so yeah, it's 6 miles. yeah i didn't quite realize that when my mom said in passing a few months ago "want to run the turkey trot?" i assumed it'd be a 5k. maybe THAT'S why my mom, 25 years my elder, kicked my ass and ran it 13 minutes faster than me!! go jane is all i have to say. and my sister, it should be no surprise that she blew us all away with some un-godly time of like 40 something minutes. me, i'm the slowpoke of the family running it in 71 minutes. a few of the miles was along the parade route, and of course those weird, die-hard parade fans were already standing there with their thermos full of warmness and ladders at their side. i never stopped once on the run cuz i didn't want them to see me stop and think i was a loser. so i finished and that's all that really matters. next thanksgiving melisa's doing it with me and we're going to run it sub-55.

all around me, people are with that special someone. just makes me wanna go..."awwwwww". there i said it. awwwwww.

i hate to be like "a friend of a friend of a friend ...blah blah" but, yeah, a friend of a friend of a friend (sheeesh) got married over the weekend, and my friend went to the wedding. this girl was 21. as in, 18 months older than me. can we say....... rrrrrrrrright? there's no conceivable way i'd be married in 18 months. not that i'm saying everyone gets married that young, but it's just funny how there's such VAST ends of such spectrums. kind of sucks to be one of the ends. it's like being at the bottom of the bell curve in school. everyone's gotta lie somewhere, but everyone wishes they were closer to the middle. well, i guess not everyone, but it sure does say something about conformity. well, not really. it might, but i don't know what. cuz i'm cool like that.

sooooo i might be changing my major? i don't know about this one. what i don't know is what i would be switching it to. the thing is, my first year, i finished all of my gen. ed.'s, PLUS started on my engineering pre.req's. math anyway. so this year and like 10 credits of last year would be wasted on engineering, which i don't even know if i want to do. soooooooo. yeah. sucks. i have to make this decision, like, yesterday. if you know what i mean.

oh, fun news, Jude and i are together officially
did the honesty thing work?
well, since i'm new to this relationship thingie
its suprisingly easy
no wonder stupid people precreate like it ain't no thang

yay! i'm so happy for you! aw and it's the perfect season for romance too! good luck babe

wednesday please hurry.

i always have fun at western. they are a cool people. all of em.
backs' feeling moderately better. may be psychosomatic, but i don't care either way.
some people are so weird. and by weird, i mean gross, disgusting, rude, obnoxious, revolting, horrid, wretched, dirty, skanky, and rank. seriously, if it was "be stuck in a room with jack's roommates' boyfriend orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr do just about anything else" i'd choose anything else.
i like have a single room. my roommate, i never know where she is. i don't really mind it, it just gives me more space to myself.
i may have a lodging situation for next year.
i love waking up.
in the words of the chick from road trip "aren't there any normal guys out there?!"
"i tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter" linkin park
i keep on saying i think i am over a boy. i am. i swear. i'm like 99% over.
mmmm hi ho. mmmm god i'm stoned.
hehehe no i didn't smoke this weekend but was all about the kramit, and almost pissed my pants when i met a boy who also did kramit. wait, no, he did kermit, but whatever.
i have survived my second and third chiropractor appointments w/o fainting. go me. i actually dreamed about going to the chiropractor last night. whatever that means. probably nothing. my dreams are so lame.
"parachute over me"
i can't wait for study abroad! i think i'm going to buy my brother's camera off of him, so i'll be able to take some *superexcellentsweet* pictures. and i'm trying to see if my mom wants to come with me like a week or so before and do some traveling. how absolutely fun would that be.
oooh the paladium has opened in downtown birmingham. yet another thing to do when i go home. yessssss.
the practice is finally new this week. thank god. i miss that show like i miss drinking ovaltine and wearing barrettes while watching mister rodgers.

who passes out at the chiropractor?!?! oh wait..... i do. i'm such a freak, it's official now. ANYway.
3 weeks until the semster is over. that's just nuts. in one respect i feel like i just got here. but then i feel like i have been here forever. nevertheless, i feel like time is FLYING by. i don't even do anything though! i mean, i'm busy as hell, but busy in terms of school and work and schoolwork and SHIT like that. it's so weird. like my time is being used up by resources that aren't benefitting me at all. kinda a bummer, but i'm so busy i don't have time to really give it a second thought. i think i'll just look back at this semester and say "what the hell did i even do?!" cuz i'm always busy, but at the end of the day, i don't have much to account for. i feel like this entire semester has been an out-of-body experience or something. like i'm not really here, not really doing whatever it is i'm doing. ah sounds so... like i'm trying to complain or something, but i'm not. just talking. not feeling sorry for myself. just thinking. some interesting things have happened recently, nothing i'm about to tell my blog, as i love you so much, some things i shall keep secret. love, lindsay.

forty two

i am.... fed up. sick of school. anticipating thanksgiving. sick of seeing people (myself included) being treated as or referred to as a sex object. full. loving this day-time weather. wishing i would've studied this semester. pretty organized right now. smelling like oranges. uncertain. almost over a crush. feeling neglected. looking forward to the lifehouse concert. in need of some hard cash. sore from my run yesterday. sitting in a position so that my right leg is asleep. surprised. listening to a hot new boy. supposed to be doing physics homework. a red-head. waiting for a package to arrive. waiting for a visitor. not tired. almost half done with college. going to dublin this summer. wishing i had a car. wanting to talk to my family. wearing glasses. writing a blog. going to the chiropractor tomorrow. failing a class for the first time. inhaling deeply. going to church tonight. thankful. wanting more. torn. wanting to go to western next weekend. done with this blog.

forty one

well. later.

forty

so i'm walking down bogue street, minding my not-so-merry old self, and this guy is standing across the street near cedar village and waters edge. he's got this ghetto video camera, but it's not super ghetto, it's new enough that it has one of those flippy screens. so we're walking at the pace so that we intersect on bogue street at the same time. duh if we intersect it would be at the same time, retard. anyway, so he was looking at me the whole time as he was crossing bogue and when we met, he goes "lindsay, come with me. i'm working on something you'd like to be a part of." so i'm like 'ooooooookay right' but i walked with him down by the red cedar river anyway. i had no idea who this guy is. sooooo we're walking and i'm like "who are you?" and he wouldn't tell me his name or anything. it was quite frustrating you can imagine. we kept on walking, past kresge, past farm lane, and then we got near the administration building, across from wells, where the river turns into that rough little spot. and he plops down. i took that as 'join me on the ground' and plopped down beside him. he flipped the switch on and started taping the river. he goes "i know you like the sound of water, and i've been taping the river and falling asleep at night to it, so i thought you might like to chill with me while i tape more of it." i was like "sure" and we sat there for an hour, pretty much in silence, occasionally talking about life and what not, and it was okay like that. no we didn't, i made that story up.

so hard to do and so easy to say, sometimes you just have to walk away" ben harper

dear blog
i was upset over my recent grades and attitude earlier today, but i'm all better now. "in the long run" i won't care what my gpa was or if i passed a class. just keep repeating that mantra, i'm good to go. 2 1/2 weeks til thanksgiving. hellllllllo long weekend. then 2 weekends til finals. ugh. crap i had to go ruin a nice blog by saying the F-word. "in the long run...." there that's better. on another note, i'm trying to be less of a nerd. it will take work, but i think it's a good investment for the future. i may not know a lot about economics and the state of the nation and such, but i know that things would be an eensy weensy bit better if i were better. the whole "you make me want to be a better man" spiel a la jack nicholson. but i'm not a man, and i'm not an actor either, but i did see the movie and i did like that quote. my point? i don't think i have one, and i'm entitled not to. dammit. so... happy frappy. it's 11:15 and it feels so late. i remember when i thought past 10 was past my bedtime.... like in high school. i swear, my parents made such a big deal about "bedtime" that it stuck with me that long. like freshman year, i wouldn't go to bed at 10, but once it hit 10, i was like 'whoa, it's late' and such. mental note: don't share retarded things with your blog, especially things it doesn't care about. a-n-y-w-a-y. i recounted my dog getting loose and getting hit by a car incident and got a good laugh at it. oh, and yesterday, i was sitting in my room, minding my own business, when a FOUR FOOT DOG came in my room and was sniffing in my roommates garbage. you think i'm lying!!!! i'm not!!! it was a mastiff(?) and it was a GIANT. no, not german sheppard, no, not lab. think BEAR. think HORSE. think HUGE. it was so funny. i was too stunned to be scared, but then like 3 seconds later its owner, a girl down the hall who must live nearby?, came and 'fetched' it out of my room. bizarre. or is it bizzare. hmmm. i don't know. anyway. right. dublin is exactly 8 months away. neato. i can't believe i'm going international. who-hoo. i wish it was for longer though. sad. i'm trying to convince jane to come with me for a week or so before so we can travel around. come on, who would pass that up? (clueless style) as if! i'm such a goon. goonight. haha i just wrote that by accident. goodnight.

thirtyseventh post

ok so when i say i'm failing a class, i really am. my cumulative grade in genetics is a 56. i'm pretty sure that's a failing grade. i'm such a fucking moron, i don't deserve to go here and waste my parents money, let alone the fact that because i go here, someone else doesn't. i should protest my being here. yeah that's what i'll do. oh, and i dropped my honors option in physics. i'm such a slacker, it's not funny. it's really not. bye.

removed post... i was trying to 'keep it real' but i don't think it was real
so hard to do and so easy to say, sometimes you have to walk away

thirtyfive

why is this year so stressful? i feel like i never have down time, or if i do, say like now, for the hour in between classes, i can't truly relax because i have fifty million things to do, but i still won't do them. i refuse to be a slave to those things all of the time. so i'll waste away this hour, fully knowing that it's going to cause me to stay up an extra hour tonight, but i'm stubborn like that and will not work 24/7. and thursday nights are usually when i can just chill, but i skipped my cse lab this morning, i have a genetics test tomorrow, and i'm going home tomorrow and need to finish everything by tonight. oh yeah and there's a hockey game, which cuts my night by 3 hours as well. swell. i just want to chill with someone cool, but i'm stupid. thanks for letting me blow off like 1 milliliter of steam. ; ) i'm so silly, i need a life.

thirtyfour

cedar point in 35 degree weather kicked ass! it was such a fun time girls! the pics are adorable. next year same time? but next year, everyone comes, you got that? once again, i love going home. i need to go home like once a month, in order to keep me grounded. my sister kicked ass in her regional cross country meet! she's going to States ! go al ! who-hoo! isn't that awesome? i've decided i'm not much a fan of halloween. did i say that already in a previous blog? whatever. i'm just not all excited about it. dressing up. eh. whatever. i found a toy story figure today and yoinked it from Beaners. "some kid's gonna make his mom drive back here today to look for his missing toy." -roxanne. yeah, i steal. don't you know that about me already? hehe (jack i still have your stuff!!!! forgot to give it to you when we got back from cp... if you read this). yeah, so someone came in my room this weekend to inspect my loft and they deemed it faulty, and gave us til monday to fix it. f-ing A. like i know shit about loft construction, let alone who built it. haha sweet. i need a man. (i've said it before and i'll say it again.) school's okay. only what, 5 weeks left of the semester? wow, it's gone by quickly. but at the same time, i feel like i've been at msu for a long time. probably has something to do with living in the same room as last year. even though it's completely different, it still feels the same. so it looks like dublin for me. i'm hella excited but have to start saving and working like shit to save for it. i hope it's everything i ever imagined and more. i'm feeling a little out of touch with people. i never know when to cross that line and just be honest with how i feel to others. in that respect, i suck at taking risks. "better to be a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick."

i guess that one's open for interpretation

hmmmm

thirtytwo

do numbers spelled out have spaces?

i'm at work. all i do is go to class, go to work, go to bed. little bit of homework, little bit of chatting online, little bit of music, little bit of library. other than that, not much. sweeeeet, this is the life. just kidding. hope you all got that was a joke. all of you being my only blog reader. hehe. if there are any others of you out there, let me know. hmmm what else. i think i stepped in something yucky today, on my way to work. something from a tree, whatever it is, it's on my shoe and smells gross. things could be worse.

thirtyone

statics midterm, over. physics learning center, over. hell freaking yes. i'm so relieved. next up, cse lab. sweeeeeet. i'm such a loser, why do i update this. cuz i'm sure all negative one of you who reads this cares about my studies. wow, i need to go. i feel so... pathetic. : (

thirty

wish me luck on my statics midterm. i'm getting queasy thinking about it, so i'm going to stop talking about it right now!

my back hurts, i either need a chiropractor or a massage, how about both...

cedar point will be hot, especially since it'll be so cold. (by the way, hot i use frequently, not as a temperature indicator or a good-looking indicator either)

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i want to go on a date! i'm too chicken shit to make any first moves, i'm stupid like that. now i understand how guys feel... cuz they sort of are expected to make the first move, i bet they're always so freaking nervous! just thinking about telling a guy point blank that i'm interested in him... hahaha riiiiiiiight i could never do that, at least i can't imagine myself doing that... well not sober anyway. sounds like it's time for me to get drunk.

ahhhhhh statics midterm!!!!

study abroad - hell yes i'm excited. although now i can't decide where to go... london or dublin. london is longer (by 1 week) and slightly cheaper (by 500-1000 or so) but i've read the peer-evaluations about both of the programs and i read better things about dublin than i did about london. 1) london is more dirty than dublin 2) london is bigger than dublin [that's both a plus and a minus] 3) the irish are nicer than the british 4) the irish are less anti-american than the british. so that'll be a bitch trying to decide where to go, let alone how i'm gonna pay for it. sweeeeeeet looks like i'll be stuck in kinesiology forever. ahhhhhhh

i'm not so much a fan of halloween i've decided.

i've also decided to try a little matchmaking, not really, but i love the movie "the matchmaker" and i just wanted to say that. yeah, i'm a turd, tell me something i didn't already know. (and yes, i said 'turd')

hmmm that's about it. goodnight for now.

love, lindsay.

twentynine

this weekend. you know you're really cool when you spend a friday night in the engineering library. riiiiiiiiiiiight. no but friday wasn't bad, i caught up with myself.
saturday was cool. i got up at 8:30 and did this thing called Into the Streets. basically, they sent a group of volunteers into the streets of lansing to do various community service projects. the project i worked on was rad - we went into this part of lansing (which i never gave credit to for being so cool) that was totally cool and had this cool funky vibe goin on called Old Town. it has these shops and galleries and stuff, it was cool cuz everything there had personality. it was almost like a downtown area but not quite. cooler even. so our project was to work with Old Town Mainstreet, which is a non-profit organization which is trying to revitalize and refresh this Old Town part of Lansing. so we cleaned up a corner of the block and part of a store front.
my job was to weed. sounds like a pain, doesn't it? i wasn't thrilled to be doing it, but i wasn't disappointed either. i was more like 'i'll do anything' but wasn't raising my hand like wild to weed. but once i got started, i realized how theraputic and symbolic weeding is. to effectively weed out a bad plant that has grown in an area, you can't just pluck off the leaf or snap the stem at the earth. you have to dig the bad part out from its root. sometimes it took little or no effort; i'd give a little pull and out of the earth came it's tiny and solitude stem. there were others, however, that were less easy. some required a little digging with a small shovel to loosen the soil around the weed. after a little manipulation, they were easy to free. there were a few that were even harder than that to release. these really bad weeds actually looked like a green leafy grass, and looked like it belonged. after prodding a little bit into the earth, however, i saw that its roots branched out quite far and quite deep. there were hundreds of small networked parts of this small weed underneath the ground, never to be seen had i not dug them up. once i pryed the entire weed out, it's unearthed part was more than five times bigger than the exposed part of the plant.
i said that this weeding was symbolic because trying to get rid of such a big weed is like trying to solve some major problem, whether it is terrorism, or domestic abuse, or poverty, or hate. you can't get rid of the exposed and spotlighted emblem that is associated with the problem. you can't get rid of osama, all men who beat women, give the unemployed work, lock away those with cold hearts. instead you have to get to the root of it all. examine why osama hates americans, why some men are prone to resorting to violence to show their aggression, how they cycle of poverty works and why, how hatred is passed on from parent to child. you gotta think long term when it comes to problems. and not all of these problems are as drastic as osama bin laden. sometimes you just have a problem with school, a friend, lonliness, whatever. but say you're having trouble with a class or something; having someone write your paper for you so you'll get a 4-point won't help you. it's that whole "give-someone-a-glass-of-milk-and-you'll-feed-him-for-a-day; teach-him-how-to-milk-a-cow-and-you'll-feed-him-forever" thing. it might be different, but you catch my drift. i think the root of all of this stems down to the whole golden rule. i promise i won't go all girl-scout on you, but seriously, just treat people decently. or better than decent. hell, be nice to people, even if you don't want to be friends with them, date them. i know people who still won't be friendly to someone they think is a dork because they don't want that person to think that they want them. i didn't think that existed anymore, but it does. and it shouldn't. i don't want to sound pessimistic, but if people still think that way, are they ever going to change? we are adults. WE ARE ADULTS. grow up already.
on the other hand, it was nice to be volunteering this weekend, and to hang out with people who aren't like that. so i did that into the streets thing saturday, then went to the hockey game (who-hoo we won 2-0 and mason had his 900th career win so that was cool) and crashed in my lovely bed.
tonight i voluteered at the ronald mcdonald house in lansing by sparrow hopsital. the ronald mcdonald house is one of the coolest things i've ever heard about. it's a non-profit organization that sets up a house near hospitals, and the families of children who are being treated in the hospital can stay there. mostly it's for when people live far away from the hospitals and stuff. the house was so nice; each family has their own room and bathroom, and then there's a community kitchen (sounds hokey, but let me tell you, it was nice as in brand new) and living area and what not. so we went there and made dinner for the families who were staying there. none of the families were physically there when we made it though, they were all over at the hospital, which is totally understandable. there was one family there very briefly, and i asked about her son, and she explained how he was drinking and driving, and basically got in such a bad car accident that he shouldn't be alive right now. hearing about that was just so sad. he's 16. just makes me realize how damn lucky i am. i'm still convinced i live in a shell. it's not until i seek out things to do such as volunteer at the ronald mcdonald house until i actually realize that people are struggling out there. hearing about it is one thing, but listening to someone is quite different. they seem like they're the same, but today i learned they're quite different.
i learned a lot this weekend; have absolutely no regrets. i like that.

twentyeight

i want to go on a date...

twentyseven

even though the last blog wasn't called twentysix

hahaha my last blog was posted at 4:20. what with all of the pot i stole from my friend this weekend, i should light 'em up. sorry about that again. i swear it was an accident.

this is my third and final blog of the night. that is a threat, a promise, and a guarantee, all wrapped up in one.

i am a dork

read my last post and you'll know why

if i were you, i'd boycott me

yeah, that's a good idea, boycott me

ignore me and don't talk to me

maybe then i will stop being such a dork and people will actually talk to me

twentyfive

dear blog,
today is thursday. the week is almost to an end. yay. i am doing community service this weekend so i can feel like a good, productive member of society. or, to help out people in need. either way, i'm doing it. my statics test was postponed five days. that was nice. but come on: realistically, that's just five more days i have to procrastinate. i think i need to switch my major. it's engineering arts. screw that. oh blog, what do you think i should do? if only you weren't a mute, our relationship would mean all the much more.
[later that day]
dear blog. do you want to hear something funny? i've been singing Stuck in a Moment by U2 all day long now, and i'm at the library, singing it so i write it in big block letters across my statics homework. statics. as in vectors, forces, and, yes, you guessed it, Moments. A vector moment, for those of you who care, is the turning effect of a force about a point equal to the magnitude of the force times the perpindicular distance from the point to the line of action of the force. there are i think 4 different ways of defining a moment in statics. but how do you define the other typoe fo moment, the kind that U2 sings about? how long is a moment exactly? have you ever said that you 'had a moment' with someone? i certainly have, in my mind at least. whether or not it was reciprocated is another story in itself. but let's see the longest moment i've had is probably close to 3.5 seconds. i would hate to be stuck in a moment, as bono sings it. imagine calling your boss and saying "hi boss, it's so and so... i hate to say it, but i'm going to miss that meeting this afternoon, i'm stuck here in a moment" or if you're late for a date, and you show up in a huff, explaining to your distraught social playmate that you're so sorry, you were stuck in a moment, and will you please forgive me so i can get laid tonight? well blog, it's been a treat talking to you, but i have to break this moment we're in (and my it certainly surpasses my aforementioned longest moment of 3.5 by a landslide), and get back to vectors. vectors schmectors. whoever invented vectors, i'd like to kick in the shin. oooh that would be sad. nevermind. forgive me for being mean. love, lindsay.
p.s. blog, how have you been?
p.p.s. please write back

twenty four

so i get a laptop so i can go to the library and really concentrate and what do i do? go online and fucking write a blog. i'm such a waste. i don't do anything! there are so many people who would kill to be in my shoes, and i trace my hand during class and dream about my wedding day. whoa i need a reality check here. if i don't get my act together, i will not get a good job after graduation, which, scary enough to say, is in two and a half years. no job, no money. live with parents. not cool. i want to make more money than my husband. that would kick ass. but i don't want to wear the pants of the household... i like skirts occasionally. so... there was this guy that we met this weekend (girls you know who i'm talking about... goat boy) who was saying how girls can get whatever they want from a guy. and that girls scare him. first of all-- i had to point out to him that the only girls who get whatever they want from a guy are the ones who offer the prospect of a fuck. sorry to be so blunt, but hey that's how it is. so if a girl gives off those vibes, a guy would do just about anything to 'stay with her' not even relationship-wise. hence, girls can get whatever they want. but what about the girls who don't give off that vibe, even if it's just the vibe they don't give off. i mean, someone can not express her willingness to fool around, but in actuality, be a tease. and on the flip side, there are many girls who give off the tease vibe and are in fact totally prude. soooooo, what am i trying to say here? that it's all fucked up. why can't people just want other people and just get it over with. sleep with each other or don't. but just be honest enough to tell one another what's going on. i hate games, and i hope i give off that vibe that i don;t like to play them. just either you're interested, or you're not. plain and simple. so what happens to the girls who don't give off the prospect of a fuck? well some guys might be interested but that small part of their brain (even if it's in their subconscience) is always looking out for another girl who could get them laid. that's basically the conclusion we came to in the car. how fucked up is that? which then leads me to our ubiquitous question: why are we three single? any correlation here? hmmmmm something to think about.

twenty three

hours of sleep over the last 4 days: approx. 16

estimated hours of sleep i will get tonight (today?): approx. 3.5

number of weirdo she-males i met this weekend: 1

number of 'stains' on jacks' roommates futon: too many to count, which is already too many too many if you ask me

number of cool people i met this weekend: 5 (?)

weird, uncomfortable situations: 0 (yay)

number of frosties consumed in one 12-hour period: 2

how many hours late we were on friday: 3 whoops sorry jack

how many things i learned this weekend: 5+ (double click reference, few different ways of playing poker, different ways of scamming the government, how to correctly pee without a toilet, how to ineffectively lie, not that that's anything to write home about)

hours between the time i left my room in my boxers and tshirt to brush my teeth and the time i came back: 2.75

times i have thought about 'someone': only about 4 or so

hours at the library: 2.5

length of my nap: 2.75

number of new guster songs downloaded: 5

how many times i started to study for my physics test but got 'caught up' in something else: 7 and counting

number of times i've checked my email: probably 5, testament to how much of a goon i am

number of actual emails received: zero

minutes spent standing under steaming hot water in the shower: 30

how much money i will deposit in about 4 hours: 141

money i owe: 1000 (rough estimate)

number of boys i have a crush on: 2 3/4 (one guy gets a whole point, then 3 get a half-point each but only 1/2 because they're unavailable in some way shape or form, then the last guy gets 1/4 just cuz he's cute, but it's totally out of the question)

chinese fortunes come true: zero

number of things i've taken that i shouldn't have: one (but it's a big one, it was a misunderstanding i tell ya!!! i swear!)

number of things that is preventing me from going to bed right now: 6 (physics test, light, music, blog, boy, lack of sleepiness)

number of items of clothes that i have found with peculiar and non-moth-like holes: about 6 now grrrrrrrrrr

days of class until thanksgiving break: 28 (fuck! i thought it was less than that)

days of class until christmas break: man this will be wishful thinking, let me count......38 w/o finals, 43 with (oooooh totally bitter about having a friday final........grrrrrrrrrrrr again)

number of dispatch songs i have downloaded: 50 exactly but i LOVE them!

time it now is: 5:45 am time for me to go. but i'll be back, don't you worry. later kiddo.

twenty two

i wish i had something important to say right now. the fact that i don't makes me feel like a loser. oh and last night, it was funny, i was sitting in a friend's room and a group of people were talking and then all of a sudden, i was overwhelmed with a sense of what a loser i am. this wasnt' a depressing realization, nor was it previously unknown. but it was overwhelming, and i just felt like such a dork. but like i said, it wasn't a bad thing, because i expressed it and was validated. so i guess that was a good thing. i had such a fun weekend with everyone! who--hoo. it was so promising to see something new happen with two people, fun to meet new people, cool to hang out with them, validating to be there. ah, validation is such a good feeling, youknow ? think about it... to say something, do something, express a feeling, idea, view, belief... and then to have that validated, for someone to say 'yeah that's okay' or even 'yeah that's right' or 'no, you're not nuts for saying/doing/thinking/feeling that' feels good. i think that is one of the things that people want in order to feel loved and accepted. that said, eh i forgot what i was going to say. i'm currently being interrogated about my weekend, and i don't like it. anyway, eh if i ever have something with merit to say, i'll try to hurry and write it down so i sound like i am a person of substance.

my blog is at the bar
twenty-first blog

i spent a lovely day with my parents today. it's amazing how much more we talk and get along now that i don't live with them anymore. quite a different situation than me living at home. it's nice. and this weather rocks. i LOVE it. yes, i want to marry it. ok now this bombing thing is nuts. i can't believe i'm living through such a historic time. cuz it really is. people i know try to downplay this whole 9-11 thing but it really is serious stuff. i'm sure if it happened around here these people i'm talking about would be freaking out like no other, but it's so easy to disassociate with things that are far away and things with which we are so physically removed. but still, i feel this is very severe, and i trust our leaders to make the right decisions. any-way, have a good week all. study hard, it's the middle of the semester.

twentieth post

the cold war - oh it was a hot sight to see, but the game was severely shitty. at least msu's game was shitty. they were so not on, but i'm impressed they managed to catch up and tie the game instead of losing that game at home. at least if we didn't win, we didn't lose. but it was such a cool thing to see... gordie howe came out, kip miller was there, all of the pyrotechnics and such, the entries, it was just cool as shit to see. i didn't really get much accomplished this weekend, ah well. i guess that's what it's all about. right?

nineteenth post

good things come to those who wait? that's such bullshit, it's more like good things come to those who go after what they want. i'm such a dork to think that if i wait long enough, someone will come around. it just won't happen and i need to move on. oh my gosh i didn't even realize how pathetic that sounds, i'm really not that pathetic. even though it has been at the back of my mind, it needs to leave my mind altoghther.
anyway there are things i think about besides this. like, i wonder if back in the 70s if students at michigan state got around on rollerskates? hahahahahahaha. that would be funny. also, i wonder about things like do i really need the information i learn in class for when i get a job or will i just learn on the job? and i wonder what people are up to. like what's up with people calling in fake hijackings on airplanes? is that supposed to be funny or something? i don't get it. oh yeah and i wonder what the squirrels do in the winter? are bears the only animals that hibernate? that's such an elementary question i'm embarassed to be asking it but for real, i hope they don't freeze! oh i'm picturing the poor things right now with their tails all frozen oh poor things! i should take them in and ---no i shouldn't nevermind. they're not that cute.
oh and i still think about that boy too.

eighteenth post

i like:

fall days colored leaves windy days
purple chapstick boots hot chocolate
boy(s) who like david grey
getting an introvert to talk surprises knowing a surprise is on the way
'whimsicle wishes mistletoe kisses'
childhood memories good movies home videos smells that take you back
emails from my parents
my dog zoey and her toys earl bartholemew eugene scholl
old friends bicycles islands books I-75 carp lake cousins
clean things getting dirty worn in jeans being done starting over chances
oar dispatch niceness making up words having a job earning things people being grateful people genuinely thanking you
being good and knowing it's good
concerts bands getting there early leaving late singing along screaming along raspy voices
being alive and appreciating it

skip this one

nevermind the missing number. ask and i'll share.

sixteenth post

i love it when people presume they know things about you. michigan state put up a good fight in the football game this weekend. late night coffee shops frequently have good looking guys outside milling about. my eyes are sore and sleepy. oh how i love fall! i'll never tell what skipe means. i feel horrible burning entire cd's of artists i really respect, and i do it anyway. am i cheap? it is not a risk to do what others tell you to do. i think it's a sign of weakness. god bless america. no-god bless humanity and the entire human population. serendipity opens this friday. msu hockey creamed the opposition like corn. wow that was bad. i have yet to do my homework and i have no idea what the chapter is about. i'm probably wasting my parents money on this class. i will make it up to them when i graduate and am making 75+ fresh out of college. affirmitive action works in my favor this time. i think i can crack every bone in my body. insence smells (bad). people should not wake up the kid on the first floor to let him in the side door. walk your fucking ass to the front door would ya? i feel bad when i lie and expand the lie in order for me to not confront my true feelings and tell the truth. i am a wimp. i am strong. i deserve the best. a good quote from a movie is "never let anyone tell you that you don't deserve what you want." i want. i deserve. i am tired. time for bed in my freshly laundered and not-as-comfortable-as-home bed. i miss my yellow room.

fifteenth post

i had a nice weekend. kind of rushed, and i wish i could've spent more time with my family, but all in all i thoroughly enjoyed it. seeing the familiar streets that i grew up on lined with fall trees, and hanging out with my mom, playing with my precious dog zoey, sleeping in my bed! oh my gosh i loved it. sometimes you just need to go home. "i feel home.... when i see the faces that remember my own.... i feel home when i'm chillin' outside with the people i know.... i feel home" o.a.r.

fourteenth post

i've got a crush on someone. not that this is new news, but i just thought i'd let you know.

thirteenth post

the week is almost to an end, amen. i'm going to the first hockey game, who-hoo!, going home to play with my puppy, and coming back for church on sunday. just what the doctor ordered. just kidding, i don't like doctors... um just what i need. anyway, i've said it before and i'll say it again: applications for dating me are available for pick-up in room 224. i'm half-kidding on that one though. see, i'm not desperate (i've actually been asked out in say the last month) but i'd like applications (theoretically) so i can screen them beforehand. i get all of these weirdos looking at me, what's up with that? granted, if everyone looked the same, yadda yadda, but all of the creeps give me odd smiles like i should know what's up. i desperately try to show them i do not indeed know what's up or i try to look uninterested, but how vain is that? why am i even judging people based on their looks? not just looks as in how your face is put together, but by total appearance. actually, it makes a lot of sense to judge a person by their appearance. things attract to things that they are like. this is a simple concept, and we are the things. that's why attractive people are friends, and unattractive people are friends too. and yes, there is such a thing as attractive people... don't give me that crap about "beauty in the eye of the beholder" cuz that only applies to certain situations. there are some people that are just attractive. it's a social certainty (thank you psy235, prof. messe). anyway, my point is that creepy guys check me out. does this mean that i'm a creep? i don't know if that theory i just sort of but not really explained holds for this. i feel like such a bitch for saying that but hey i'm keeping it real. i'm being honest. ANYway, good things come to those who wait. yeeeeeeah did you know that 19 years and ----hey guess what my 1/2 birthday is on saturday!!----6 months is roughly 10 million minutes? that's a lot of waiting, although i guess you can't count say the first 15 years? at any rate, i think i've waited long enough and i just want a boy who will treat me right. not really that much to ask for. it's not i swear. oh, and i just want to skip the whole dating, getting-to-know-you part and jump right into things. whoa-that sounded kinda slutty. i just meant that i hate all of those steps, yet another thing i learned in social psych. stages of a relationship, just for those of you who don't know:
Stage 1: Sampling and Estimation (meeting them, etc.)

Stage 2: Exploration (getting to know you)

Stage 3: Regularization (behaviors somewhat 'scripted')

Stage 4: Termination (many/most relationships come to an end).
Yeah, stage 1 sucks, 2's not bad, 3's not really that bad either, and then 4, well that's inevitable. the only way that doesn't happen is if you get married, or one of you dies. sooooooo i sorta want to just jump the gun and go straight to stage 2.5--that seems like the place to be. or not to be, it seems from my experience. oh, yeah another thing. why do my friends come to me with their relationship problems? don't get me wrong, i love it that my friends value my opinions and what not but what kind of authority am i? i don't have the best track record in that respect, so i think it's kinda funny people always come to me. anyway i don't mind it so whatever. ok i better go before this genetics test truly kicks me in the ass and i won't be able to sit at my computer anymore and write blogs. if you read this website, email me, i want to know if anyone reads it. if no one does i'll stop putting it up and start writing in a journal or something. oh yeah and don't think you're getting journal-material here. riiiiiiiight i'm not that stupid. SmithL52@msu.edu

how do you spell 12th? twelfth?

yessss it's already the middle of the week, but uh oh gotta go, write more later!

eleventh post

sometimes you just wish that you could go back in the past and change things, or are inclined to say to yourself "i wish i would've done that one thing differently." but, in hindsight, and it is always in hindsight, usually situations where you wish you would've done things differently turn out to be those situations in which you grow and mature. so i'm trying to look at a situation i'm in with that foresight, as hard as it is to do. at any rate, i'm sorry to people that i have hurt (or person rather, you know who you are) and i know that i always say that stuff about being accountable for your own feelings yadda yadda but i'll just say for the record that i'm sorry and no i don't want to change your feelings but i hope things are looking better for you really soon.

tenth post

september twenty third two thousand one. this is going to be my stream of consciousness list. well not really a list but whatever. i make too many lists as it is. not that that's a bad thing but i never really refer to them, only make them to make myself feel like i have a lot to do, but i end up putting really retarded things on there like brush my teeth or something like that. no not really. but whatever. i wonder if the season finale of the practice is on tonight. can't miss it. that guy from last season the serial killer there's a guy who works in snyder who looks like him it's kinda creepy especially when he smiles at me cuz i see the serial killer smiling at me. so much for trying to see the best in people, i just see serial killers in them. that's just bad. anyway. hmm. nothing is going thru my brain right now. i wonder what that means. hmm. hungry howies boy just showed up. hel-lo. eh not so cute once melissa opened the door. whatever. highlight of my day? let me check... a knock. anyway. i'm going now to watch the practice. love, your faithful friend.

ninth post

i don't know what to say. well i do but i don't know how i want to say it. well yes i know how i want to say it but i don't think i want to say it for all the world to read.

eight post

1. i feel like i've been at school for so long, and it hasn't even been a month?? that's psycho. almost as psycho as say the squirrels that try to attack me or the difference between the amount i am supposed to study and the time i actually study...
2. i love it when people tell me things that i already know i can do... ok that doesn't make much sense so i'll use a rather elementary example: suppose jane (hi mom) is running up to a swingset, and there are two empty swings on either side of dick. one has bird poop on it, the other one pristine clean. it takes jane point two seconds to decide on the clean swing, and right as she is about to walk up to it, dick says to jane "you should sit on the clean one." ok now how dumb is dick? duh of course jane knows she can sit on the clean one, as she is damn well about to do. what's annoying is that dick assumes jane is too stupid to use her discretion, or that dick wants to hear himself talk, or that dick is, well, a dick. who knows. either way, it's annoying, and it insults my intelligence.
3. i dreamt i went by my house in germany, it was really weird. i think the reason why is because the other day, i saw this guy, and i was like "who does he look like???" and it was bugging me so badly. later on the name "york" appeared to me, and i realized that he looked like this guy who went to my school in germany. [side note: i was in sixth grade, and he was in 12th, and i remember thinking he was like ancient, and now i look back on it and i laugh, cuz he was only, like, 18....change in perspective makes me laugh.] anyway i started thinking about all of my friends from that year and my house and my city and what not. then in my dream, which was otherwise totally unrelated to germany, i'm walking down this street and all of a sudden, i'm on seeblickstrasse and there is 65. it was so bizarre. sounds kinda lame now that i've written it, but it still amazes me what our minds can do to us, and how memories can take us to this really weird place that is totally undescribable to another.
4. my back kinda hurts. i don't want to go a chiaropractor though cuz i'm chicken shit.
5. i love the fall!!!

that's it for my list
p.s. on winamp, vitamin c's graduation song came up... ah memories.

seventh post

today i skipped class

ok, so i'm not that much of a badass, i wish i could be though. today, i slept in, and damn did it feel good. it was a much deserved rest, and i'm sure i didnt' miss out on too much information in genetics. plus that gives me an excuse to talk to that hot skater boy who's in my class. anyway..... it's really cool when i forget to do part of my first statics exam. i get out of that class, and this girl goes to me "it took me so long to do 2b!" to which i replied, "um what part b?" haha it was classic. but at least i just plain old forgot instead of not knowing. cuz i know that it wasn't my fault (well it was but you know what i mean) for getting a low score. i mean, i could've done higher if i had read the instructions instead of i could've done higher if i were smarter kind of thing.anyway, who gives a flying fuck about my academics? not i, and i'm sure not you. this week is going by pretty fast. it's already the end of the middle. who.hoo. i want to get a piece of mail. i like mail. i had a dream last night, well actually this morning right before i woke up. i know this will sound lame, but ... nevermind. i have decided to withhold the details of this specific dream for now. maybe you will get the details later. ok i'm leaving for now, be back shortly.

sixth post

it's my dad's birthday, he is 47. happy birthday dad.

i am in a lull right now. nothing is really going on. kinda bored with things. it'll pass, it always does. it's already mid-september, and that is just nuts. speaking of nuts, i almost got attacked by a squirrel yesterday. i heard a rustling in the tree, look over and what do i see? two black beady eyes intent on jumping me. i almost peed my pants laughing and being scared by a stupid squirrel. it was so funny though. then roxanne and i were walking talking about the perfect man (and i mean that in a literal way--we were talking about specific people here) and i guess it is one of those things where you "had to be there" but roxanne had a revelation on her long-unknown soul mate. that was some quality things i heard. hahaha wouldn't you like to know who we're talking about? riiiiiight like anyone even knows i have this website thing. anyway... what else? um nothing. like i said, lull. anyway, enough of talking about myself, i'm going.

fifth post

sweet so my friday night plans didn't go as planned. i was pissed but i'm not anymore. not worth it. but it does pose a few questions to myself that i can't bring myself to answer truthfully. basically what i mean is that since i had this time to be alone and what not, and think, i've been asking myself some things but not allowing myself to answer them because i dont' want to admit them. that is the worst. i think that i talk to myself too much in my head. too much self-conversing is going on.

fourth post

things have been out of control lately. people, responses, ignorance, life, questions, answers, lack of both, debris, rubbish, transcripts, vigils, away messages, pain, lack of, songs, newspapers, words, repetition, nods, shakes, concern, distractions, committments, pledges, promises, faith, wreckage, evacuations, accusations, prejudice, hatred, unknown. gossip, speculation, guesses, assumptions, security, danger. chaos and confusion. comparisons, profiles, endings. life must go on.

third post

i don't even know what to say about september 11. in a matter of about an hour, a huge number of people died in a small series of events. huge number like tens of thousands. my stomach is queasy typing that. and it's weird looking back at what i wrote yesterday about how "america's not such a bad place to live" scroll down and you'll see. it's eerie. there is nothing to say about it. all i can do is sit and shake my head. i went to my church tonight but i couldn't even concentrate on praying. i looked up and saw the huge speakers hanging from the ceiling, and i thought that maybe god is screaming at us, that this is some sort of wake up call, but everyone has their speakers on mute. who knows. that sounds lame. there's no reason this should have happened. everyone has said the same things... it's devastating, it's horrible, all those people... but it still hasn't sunk in yet, i still do not quite grasp what has actually gone on. once again removed from the tragedy, knowing personally no one involved (that i know of so far), i still do not understand the pain that hundreds of thousands are feeling because of their loss. i feel pain for the loss, but i don't truly feel the pain of the loss. do you know what i mean?

second post

ok now that i got it working...

one: my internet has been being a bitch and i am about to pull an Office Space on it and go postal in the hallway with a baseball bat. and the people at 26200 never tell me the right thing grrr.

two: i'm excited for the lifehouse concert, it should be a good time. let's hope we get there early for good "seats" and what not

three: where better to be when there's a tornado warning (sirens and all) than church?
cuatro: i love the number four...
five: the number of days i have left to finish capa, i.e. the devil

six: did you know that the u.s. government, in the 1920s and 30s, used to sterilize people to limit their reproduction because they thought those people were genetically inferior? americans we're talking about. this is the concept that the nazi's used, the only difference being the nazi's killed instead of sterilizing. in america, if the "genetically inferior" weren't sterilized, they were institutionalized. aren't you proud to be an american? just kidding, there are faaaaaar worse places to be...

seven: what is statics?

eight: is there a difference between attraction (physical and or sexual, if there's a difference) and wanting someone? i've had this conversation time and time again with someone, and we have different opinions on this one. i say that you can be attracted to someone, but not like them, like them. whatever i've already lost my train of thought.

nine: only one more til ten

ten: ok i'm lazy and i cheated. what is new? i also set out to do homework only to discover two hours later that i've wasted my time tooling around doing shit.

first post

let's get things off on the right foot and let me make sure i know how to use this.