i don't even know what to say about september 11. in a matter of about an hour, a huge number of people died in a small series of events. huge number like tens of thousands. my stomach is queasy typing that. and it's weird looking back at what i wrote yesterday about how "america's not such a bad place to live" scroll down and you'll see. it's eerie. there is nothing to say about it. all i can do is sit and shake my head. i went to my church tonight but i couldn't even concentrate on praying. i looked up and saw the huge speakers hanging from the ceiling, and i thought that maybe god is screaming at us, that this is some sort of wake up call, but everyone has their speakers on mute. who knows. that sounds lame. there's no reason this should have happened. everyone has said the same things... it's devastating, it's horrible, all those people... but it still hasn't sunk in yet, i still do not quite grasp what has actually gone on. once again removed from the tragedy, knowing personally no one involved (that i know of so far), i still do not understand the pain that hundreds of thousands are feeling because of their loss. i feel pain for the loss, but i don't truly feel the pain of the loss. do you know what i mean?