First things first: I just read that Donald Trump's wife is pregnant. You do realize that this means DONALD TRUMP IS GETTING LAID AND I AM NOT.

Next: I also read somewhere, a long time ago, on a blog out there somewhere a quote that read "You don't have to work for an asshole." And while I will not write about work here on the internet, I will say this: I was repeating those words to myself for well over 15 minutes today, with such a mixture of anger and sadness that I was getting quite incensed in the car on my way home, so much so that I had to stop at the Cider Mill for some distraction.

Which brings me to my next point: THE CIDER MILL! THEEEEEEE CIDER MILL. The Cider Mill. The Cider Mill. The Cider Mill. I think you get my point here.

Also: I'm becoming increasingly aware that my general bad mood-slash-negativity is actually, imagine this!, apparent to other people and that it may be annoying. There's nothing I dread more in the world than being that girl. Well, except maybe childbirth. But seriously, gross, who wants to be the annoying, negative person in the group. On the other hand, I hate just grinning and bearing it (you know what I mean.....) Eh, who the fuck cares anyway. I'm so bored by what I just wrote.

On that note, I think I'm going to go bowling tonight. You know, hurl large, heavy objects around...

Now that my hissy fit is over (READ: I'm bi-polar), I can talk about other things, such as:

-How scary it is when my dog is asleep, with her eyes rolled back in her head, but her eyelids are open so all I see is the whites of her eyes plus the blood red of her eyelids, then she starts shaking and howling in her sleep. I feel like it's a preview to the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It's really fucking freaky. I don't know if I should go grab myself a rosary or some vinegar or something that wards off evil spirits... at any rate, I'm scared to get up from my computer for the fear of awakening a demon who has taken over her body or something. Okay, enough about the dog...

-Change is good. I told someone that recently, and am going to try and make myself belive it's true for myself as well. Well, I know it's true, but I just need to execute now. Blah blah.

-The last episode of Six Feet Under? Make me cry like a baby every single time! At first, I thought it was just because I was PMSing or something, you know, being a woman and all. Then I thought I got that lump in my throat because I was getting sick, but nope, the floodgates that are my tearducts decided to give way and pour open. Honestly, I'm a little saddened it's over. Like, my life feels a little less great. Is that fucked up? Is it?

-A little eye contact can do wonders. Friday morning, after a night of drinking like I was in college or something (I actually went out twice for drinks, in one night. This, I swear, is a rarity.), I stopped at Starbucks to get my new drink, a Venti shaken passion tea with Valencia. Actually, I got two because I was so parched. Anyway, I was in a Debbie-kind-of-mood, and the kid behind the counter made eye contact with me and smiled. And I have to tell you? It kind of warmed my frigid heart. Isn't that a sweet story?

-Note to self, and to internet: Find out when Dairy Delux closes for the season. I'll be damned if I miss going there one last time this 'summer'.

-So, Tiger's game tomorrow. While I find baseball to be just about the last sport I would ever choose to watch, I am excited to get out to Detroit/Comerica Park. I've only been there once, if memory serves me right, and it's about damn time I get back there. Shout-out to Kare/Jame for the brill ide. (See how I'm in the habit now of not finishing spelling words? WTF?)

-Some people suck!!

Holy hell, I'm really fucking awkward. I totally lied about having sassy stories, as I only had 1 drink, did not act or try to act social one single bit, and was almost pouting. I am becoming a cautionary tale! This is not right!!

Hell, I am writing a post on a 'blog' at 12:30 on a Saturday night. At my parent's house. Who are not even home. Meaning I have the entire house to myself! To throw parties, or have one-night-stands, or go buck wild. Instead I berate myself and drink red wine while watching Sex and the City reruns while totally and utterly ignoring the blatant signs of being a total fucking loser.

The good news is, I'm not in love with you, I'm just in love with your type. While this is not groundbreaking news, it is somewhat comforting.

Kids, hold on to the seat of your pants... and refresh often! I expect to write some sassy blogs tonight while buzzed. I am even somewhat "dressed up" so I can hope to have at least one good story, including but not limited to being hit on by 40-year-old men. Ah, to be single and 23...

How have you been lately? Business as usual? I feel I could use more excitement these days, you know? I find myself bored at times, and I'm too young to be bored. Ever get that feeling? Like I should be doing awesome, crazy things. Maybe I watch too many movies.

Ah, such is life. Wise words from my main FW man MW. Other words to live by:

"You was a fine motherfucker, won't you back that ass up?"

In very related news, I need to get drunkenly silly and make-out.

In not so related news, YOUR MOM.

Josh has good (often drunk, I think?) mini-blogs that make me wish I didn't depend on my parent's ghetto PC that would die if I tried to download wBloggar. Cuz I sure as hell am too lazy to sign onto blogger.com and try to remember my user/password everytime I have a witty 15-second fleeting thought. THEME OF MY LIFE AS OF LATE: FLEETING THOUGHTS. Anyway, it certaily serves as a barometer of my psyche if nothing else but internet diarrhea for you to get annoyed with. And either way? I DON'T CARE.

(this was written in july and i had it on 'draft' mode, thought about canning it, but the last line it just too funny...)


People are just annoying the shit out of me. The girl in class who interrupts the teacher and goes "Excuse me, does it bother you that I'm using this?" and then nods down at her tiny Apple laptop thing (I'm not cool enough to know what they're actually called...) Dumbass. Why didn't you just stand up and say "Hey guys, look at my (tiny Apple laptop thing). I'm really proud of it and want you all to see it, so please look at it." Honestly I'd rather. Instead I just sit there and seeth and probably look like the Bride of Chucky.
Then there's the guy who flipped me off in the car. I've heard of people flipping other people off, but I didn't know it actually happened. Who fucking gives someone the middle finger? That's so Age Seven. And don't you know the laws of merging ramps? The person EXITING the highway onto the ramp slows down, the person leaving the ramp to get on the highway speeds up. Moron.
Then, oh then, there's work. Talk about seething...

Kids - I have some funny shit. Fresh from my middle-school (okay, and maybe a little into high school) "dream journal" ... I present you with:
My Dreams, circa 1996.

12-22 Lot's of dreams tonight:
I went on some kind of bus ride with Jason Priestly, Michael Jordan, some other famous guy, Jenny McCarthy, and Larry Kennedy*. Larry Kennedy stayed on the bus collecting bottle caps. The girls (including me there were 3) got off the bus which was parked at Bingham Farms and were dancing aroudn in our bathing suits. And the guys were walking around naked! It was wierd.
I was on a highway and all of a sudden this lady was stopped on the bipass (the bridge thing over the highway) and asked if she wanted to do this space experiment. She said yes and they put her in this small rocket thing that could only fit one person. Then they sent her off right there on the highway 28 miles up. It was like I could see her going all the way up into the sky. When she wasw all the way up, she circled a bigger spaceship and came down. She looked nausious.
This one guy (who is hot) from the German III class asked me out. The thing was the classes were all weird. Then I walked in wearing a dress that had straps and was short. Plus I was really skinny. That's probably why he asked me out.

*ed. note: Larry Kennedy is not famous. He was some kid from my elementary school, some kid I was not even friends with, and I have NO idea why he was in my dream.]

1-3
My dream was that there were really bad tornadoes and every-one was freaking out. The streets were all lined with people. The teachers (I think I was with my school) cut up bree cheese and told us to put it over our heads for protection. Then I really had to pee so I peed in the Nordloh's backyard. We were all sitting by these houses. I was looking at one and all of a sudden the family room blew up and two little boys lfew out. It was like they were dead but I called out to them to come over to where we were and sit w/us. Also Mom and I were walking and she saw a diamond store but when we went in it was like a hippie sotre and mom bought a diamond catalog.

7-8
A wonderful dream last night! Gavin Rossdale..... hottie! I was on a cruise where some bad guy was on it and told us to get off (sound like Speed 2?) but Gavin wasn't in that part. All I can remember w/ him is there were a bunch of girls going gaga over him and Melissa (C.) was there and she made some stupid remark. All the other girls made fools of themselves in front of him except me. He made some joke, which I laughed at, and he gave me an incredible smile!! [<---- it should be noted that this !! was made to look like a smiling face. OMG] I never wanted the dream to end!

9-6
-I dreamt that Prince William was in myh house but I was too chicken to talk to him!
-I also dreamt that I was on a campground of some sort and some guy was chasing us and killed one of my friends who was named Oreo. Then I pretended I was dead. Then mom and I had to leave the campground but we couldn't take any of our stuff because the killer could come back and notice it. We drove by a huge movie theater on the way out but I thought that he was in there so we didn't stop for help.
[This next one is the best!]
-Another dream I'd had was that our family was the subject of a horror film. The bad guy was Marilyn Manson! It was so scary! He was chasing us all around our house. I tried hiding in closets and stuff but I kept on having to change spots. Then at the end we walked into the house (the "chase" took place inside and outside) and we saw him lying there like he was dead. Dad said that he'd committed suicide because he was screwed up but I didn't believe him. Then mom, Alli, and I were walking over to Woodside and it was like I was watching the movie and could see that he had opened his eyes, as if he was pretending to be dead. Then we went back to the house and he was gone. Needless to say I woke up terrified.

9-29
About a week ago I had a dream that mom had a baby boy whom she named Davenport. Then she died. It was a tres-wierd dream. I hope it doesn't come true.

OKAY. Can we say. WHAT THE FUCK. I had such fucking weird dreams. What a creep I was, seriously! And probably still am. I found this journal when I was looking for something to jot down some stuff on, and I had it at work and started to read through it to see what was in it and I had to STIFLE the laughs cuz it was so ridiculous, the stuff I had written. First of all, who keeps "dream journals"?? Apparently, I did, between 1995 and 1996. Second of all, 14 year olds dreaming about Marilyn Manson chasing them around their house? Or celebrities smiling at them or boys hitting on them because of their short dress with straps and because they were skinny!? What a weirdo.

You'd think that since I haven't posted in a while, I must be doing Really Important Things, or Really Cool Things, or Really [insert adjective other than 'boring'] Things, but alas, I have been doing Really Boring Things.

A list, in short:

-work
-sleep
-poop
-work
-sleep
-poop

Although, sometimes it goes like this:

-work
-poop
-sleep
-poop
-work
-sleep.

See how I mix it up there? Yeah, variety is the spice of life, and if you have enough spice, there will be pooping.

Henyway. Hokay. So, for real... I can't tell you what I've done since May 25, or whenever that last post was. I saw a play staring a friend of a friend (and his bf). I developed a mini-crush on a guy I met through a friend of a friend, although that was a huge bust (as I come to find he has a girlfriend. How? It could have been the "I love my girlfriend" shirt he was wearing... very well could have been that). I also had dinner with a friend and her friends. Notice a trend? I've been socially loafing. I've been reading, learning, freckling; swimming, Woodside-ing, sleeping. Bitching, lying (around), breathing, moping, realizing, writing. You know, the usual.

I have stuff written that I need to post but I keep on forgetting to, and I will for another two weeks. It's kind of been a summer like that. For example: early April, I went to the library and checked out some "books on CD" because I was getting tired of the radio during my hour in the car every day. Well, I had them checked out for 3 week. The time was up, I had listened to them, and I was too damn lazy to take them back, so I renewed online. Another three weeks pass. I am in Birmingham (home of the library) several times, and do not return. Lazy. Lindsay. Then start the late fees. You know how libraries are really lame and charge you like 15 cents a day for late fees? And that makes you wonder why they charge them at all, cuz what are they going to do with the 90 cents you pay them for returning them 2 days late? Well, if you are late returning them for, say, OVER A MONTH, you will rack up a hefty fee. THAT'S why they charge late fees, for lazy motherfuckers like myself.

Bad story, I know. But I'm too lazy to go back and edit.

Sad things: family friends dying, miscarriages, wars.

Happy things: weddings, puppies, hot bodies, sweating and swaying in rhythm to the music. [Cue techno beat, and/or hot-bodies-dancin' type music]

To do list summer 2k5: hot bodies, Plans, homework (both kinds); convert to Scientology, make out with a closeted gat famous movie star, make millions of dollars; win an award, make a speech, be inspired. It's July.

I want a popsicle.

My new hobby is reading celebrity dirt on the internet. Except all of these pictures of Britney Spears' baby-bump? Look like me when I come out of Chili's after eating a huge meal.