Tuesday, January 27, 2009

If I Had A Millon Dollars

So I saw Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday night and it got me thinking: (among other things) "What would I do if I won a million dollars?" Except in my head, I said it like "What would I do if I won a Millon dollars?" because the talk-show-host totally made me laugh anytime he pronounced Millionaire! as Millonaire!


Since I don't have a millon dollars and won't anytime soon, I thought it'd be fun to pretend. And spend it. In my head.

Let's just pretend I won the millon dollars (of course I knew it was A! It was written!) and it magically showed up in my bank account. Also, magically, there were no taxes taken out. Hey, it's my prerogative.

Here, my friends, is how I would spend it. Every last penny. Until I was living paycheck to paycheck again.

Parents2@$100,000 $ 200,000
Siblings4@$ 5,000 $ 20,000
Friends6@$ 2,000 $ 12,000
House1@$100,000 $ 100,000
Student Loans1@$ 25,000 $ 25,000
Clothes1@$ 3,000 $ 3,000
Charity3@$100,000 $ 300,000
Vacation5@$ 3,000 $ 15,000
Decoration1@$ 25,000 $ 25,000
Savings1@$300,000 $ 300,000
Total$ 1,000,000

Okay, the first few are a doozy. Of course we'd have to compensate our parents accordingly. I am to the age where I understand the crazy sacrifices our parents made for us (what child/tween/teen "gets" that?) and so throw them a few bones and perhaps they can retire a year or two earlier. That would be nice.

Siblings and friends, of course, would need a nice chunk of change. I don't think it needs to go any further than that - cousins, aunts/uncles, college roommates (who don't fall into the "friend" category) etc. are not entitled to a piece of the pie. Sorry psycho roommate!

Next - House. Now, I'm not gonna pay off my house. Some may call me crazy. But I had to ration here, people! Throw $100k and I'm sure my payment would be manageable. Ok, what's funny is that after I wrote the previous sentence, I opened up my Loan Amortization Excel Spreadsheet (OF COURSE I HAVE ONE) and punched in my new amount should said Millon dollars appear in my account. My monthly payment would be roughly 25% of my current payment. Ummm. Apartments in Ann Arbor don't even cost that little. I stand by the $100k.

My next course of action would be to throw some bones at student loans to get that down to a pretty decent number, a number that doesn't make me cry for the year 2017 when we're free from stupid student loan payments.

Of course, I'll need to re-do the wardrobe (I'm thinking... stuff that FITS. Novel idea.). While I'm a Millonaire, I'm still a cheap mofo, so I'll stick to the mall. Three G should get me very very far in a mall.

Charity. Cannot forget charity. I can spare $100k for three near-and-dear to my heart charities. Arthritis Foundation. American Heart Association. Susan G. Komen. Done, done, and done.

Ahhh - decorations. I use this term to mean "omfg totelly P1MP out ma' cribbbbb". Basically, I'd like an expensive, high-quality sofa. Some new hardwood floors. A finished basement. Wait, can $25k cover that?! Ahh, am having doubts. Must re-prioritize!

That leaves me with a healthy $300k for... (boooooring) savings! You know, compound interest and shit. I'm down with exponential growth. Yeah, baby!

Well, so there you have it. This entire post was dreamed up while an amazing movie played out before my eyes. All of a sudden, the lights came on in the theater and people stood up as though it was the end of the movie. Except! It WAS the end of the movie. Oh shit.
[Yes, I do realize this pipe dream of $1M is totally not reality. Trust me. I get that. I read the scary articles (2.6M jobs lost in 2008? SCARY). At some point, you have to go to La-La-Land every once in a while. Me and That Point are currently, you know, talking.]

[Also, I totally did NOT draft this in my head while watching the movie. I was actually watching the movie. Great movie. Can I end another sentence with movie? Movie. Anyway, I actually drafted this thing while at work, thankyouverymuch. On second thought, oh shit. Probably shouldn't advertise any sense of un-productivity! On the internet!]

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