to me it is amazing what you can make yourself believe. be it about yourself, others, the imaginary, the real, all of it.

this weekend went on and on and on forever. you know why? because i had not a thing in the world to do... it was great. saturday night watched sex and the city and drank red wine, went swinging. i'd so rather do that than go to some lame ass party and rub up against a drunk boy with no rhythm. thankyouverymuch. although, a little booty dancing is in order every once in a while. yeah. so that interview i was talking about 2 posts ago went pretty good (well?). but the thing is, the job starts this january, and it's in FORT WAYNE INDIANA! so i'd have to pick up and move from my precious little apartment. anyway, i'm bored talking about that. i really am boring talking in general. i think i'm going to go now.

ok so recently i've taken to baking and i think i just made some cookies that were literally slices of heaven ohhh i am going to eat another mmm two sticks of butter mmm

ok i am freaking out right about now. i have an interview tomorrow! with GE! like, for a real job, one that is salaried and shit. oh, and this interview, it's at 11:30.... and i have to go buy a SUIT (really, can you picture me in a suit!!!!) but the mall doesn't open until 10 so i have 1 hour to buy a suit, and some shoes, and some (gasp) pantyhose ew did i just say i'd wear pantyhose? screw that, i'm going w/o... but THEN they will ask me questions... about me and stuff. and if any of you know me, i don't want to sit around and talk about myself... so yeah right about now i am FREAKING out and i am not happy. oh plus my cell phone is being stubborn and won't work, and my ground line doesn't make long distance calls, so i am GRUMPY too. you think i'd feel better ranting, but i need to rant to a person, not a fucking computer.

karma police, arrest this man (big teeth smiley goes HERE)

i think i may have learned more in the last 24 hours than i have in the past 365 days. cool.

is it an insult if someone says you're "demagnetized"? and then calls you a loser? just checking.

okay so this co-op thing i am applying for is scaring the shit out of me.... well, not only is it a 2 year committment (and i'm set to graduate in december 2003) so that pushes back graduation, but i also have to INTERVIEW, which isn't like interviewing for a job at j.crew or pf changs... like a dress-up, answer behavior-based questions, and try to sound really impressive. and make up really lame bullshit answers. i can make myself look good for a retail job or for a waitressing position, but an engineering job? what am i getting myself into? oh, and also, there's a 35% chance IF I GET a position, that it would be out of state. and not like toledo ohio out of state, like california or texas or south carolina or something. yikes. that sounds awesome, but i'm so anti-social when it comes to shit like that that i would probably be a wreck trying to acclimate myself in a new city with not a soul that i know. oh, and how am i supposed to sign a lease for next year if i don't know what and where i'll be going/doing. ahhhhhhhh.

sorry you had to read through all of that, i just had a i'm not really an adult and i think i'll never be an adult attack. if you know what i mean.

ok, so recently i've been thinking... wait, no elipses, just a period. so recently i've been thinking. i think it's the third-year bug. it's weird how cyclical high school and college are... it's a little scary. you know those parody's in the year book of freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors? anyone who went to marian knows what i'm talking about... but anyway, i think the SAME thing goes for college, which is the antithesis of what i imagined college to be like. but that's usual. i guess. alright nothing else to say.

doh! i went home to do laundry (and to celebrate my dad's birthday!) and what do i forget on my drive up to east lansing? my laundry. suuuuuper. now i get (have) to drive home again to go get it. there goes 14 dollars worth of gas. things could be worse.

the last sentence of my last blog was all wrong... i really meant the prospect of a hook up is really almost like being involved with someone. because you are so sure that this vibe you're feeling so hard core, the other person is feeling too, and all of a sudden the both of you will come to your senses and just go at it. of course, in this story, nothing happens, and you just go home and write a blog instead. oh, man.

i was talking to a friend about jealousy. i guess his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with hiim last year, and he was just crushed. now, about 6 months later and whatnot, he has started seeing another girl. he told his ex, who he is still good friends with, and a couple of days later, she started asking him "when are you going to come visit me?" and stuff. totally wants his ass now. POINT of my story. he said something to the effect of girls are fucked up. i agreed, and told him about jealousy. i said girls are the most jealous creatures ever, and it was because of this new chick that the ex was all let's hook up. then he asked me a little more about jealousy, and i made some grand statement that you had to have been involved with someone to be jealous. like, you can't be jealous if matt damon has a girlfriend... if your hot neighbor has a girlfriend, you aren't really entitled to be jealous of her. so, to get to the point of my story once again. i take that back. you can definately be jealous of someone you've never been involved with, because sometimes the prospect of a hook up is more exciting than the hook up itself. and that is all i mean.

is it just me, or are you having a hard time believing people too?

well, nothing i ever say is really mine... so this is from nicole's away message: always behave like a duck: keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like hell underneath
isn't that nice?

oh, only 21 more minutes of my blog's first birthday. the cake was awesome. (Big IM smiley)

ahhhh Esc + 1 + S has once again made me feel 13. when am i going to grow up and start acting normal? two entirely different things, but still. so... no one will hire me. i've done the application thing, the interview thing, the random call up people from the classifieds thing, and i'm still unemployed! shiiiiiiiiiiiit. i know all of you real world friends of mine who have been doing this thing for a while now are used to it, and i'm really not this immature/wimpy/relient type of person, but i can't pay my bills! and i have no cash! and i am in debt! and i cannot find a job! ok, ENOUGH of that, sick. i was interviewed by the state news today! i'm famous twice over. hahaha remember that sick picture of me from last year! hahahahahahah. anyway.

it's almost like i don't know how to blog anymore. fitting seeing as how tomorrow is the day i started my blog last year. hmmm. is Dear Blog, Love Lindsay becomming extinct?

i can already feel the stress of the whole semester for one of my classes. and i don't usually experience stress, i'm lucky like that. any of my die-hard, hard-core blog readers may remember me bitching and complaining about a class i had last fall... statics. well this fall, i am so lucky to be able (barf) to experience the pleasure of taking it's older sister of a class... an even bigger bitch... mechanics of deformable solids. now, what exactly is mechanics of deformable solids, you may ask? yeah, well i ask the same damn thing, cuz hell if i know. ay caramba. anyway, all of this complaining makes me feel like someone who takes everything she has for granted, i'm really not that negative. you know what i do like? when i have an 8 am class, and i have to leave my apartment at 7:15 to walk to class. really, i'm not lying. cuz it's so neat (you read it, neat) that people are UP at 7:15, myself included. and it's so cool in the morning, and when i cut across the lawn to cross the street (i look both ways) my toes get wet from the dew on the grass. i love it! alright, take it easy, gotta end this sometime.

september has begun.