Asanine Story of the Day

http://money.cnn.com/2009/11/03/news/companies/johnson_johnson_job_cuts/index.htm?postversion=2009110309

 

Okay... so layoff 8000 people.  Then say ""Health care is a great place to be," he said. "We feel very excited about the future.""

 

And then: "However, he acknowledged that the economic outlook remains cloudy, adding that a recovery will not take hold until the job market improves and consumers become more willing to spend."

 

Hmmm... the two go hand-in-hand, no?

 

How are the 8000 laid-off people supposed to spend their money (that they aren't earning thanks to the layoff) on Johnson & Johnson products?

 

I mean, I am no economist, never claimed to be, never want to be, never will truly understand how it all works.  But I read CNN, and to me, this story is asinine and stupid. Don't write a story about layoffs but then explain how once people stop getting laid off, they'll spend more money on your products.

 

A:LSKDJFS:LDJASDFLKJ!JOSDIFPEOUR.

 

End Vent.

Insanely Bored, and Talking About Money (and Cookies, briefly)

I am crazy bored lately.  Especially at work.  I probably shouldn't write that down on the Internet, should I?  My mind is constantly wandering, though, and the minutes drag by.  Of course, once I am cognizant of this, they drag by even more slowly.  I am always checking the clock to see how long I have until lunch, and then the time from lunch until 5:00 p.m.?  B-R-U-T-A-L.  First off, I want a mid-afternoon nap.  Second of all, I want to be in bed, under the covers, not napping, but hibernating.  Is this nesting?  I don't know.  But sitting at a desk in constricting pants is not jiving with my heart's desires.  Ya know?  I mean, does it ever?  Are things that different now?  No.  My pants have always been restricted, and I have always been sitting at a desk.  But these weird months between finding out I am pregnant (oh yeah, blog, I'm pregnant!) to actually realizing the results of the pregnancy (i.e. having a child - I don't mean 'realize' as in 'it suddenly dawned on me', i mean 'realize' like 'to make real, give reality to') I find it impossible to focus 100% on work.  Or even 75% on work.  I still do a good job, I think I'm still going above and beyond (just a tad) so I'm not worried about it, just more annoyed that I have to be here.

 

For instance, today, after going home for lunch, I stopped and got a hot carmel apple cider from the local coffee shop.  Instead of devouring it on the ride back to work (about 10 minutes or so), I only allowed myself a few sips before getting back to my desk.  My thought was that if I had a hot drink to distract myself with at work, then time would go by more quickly.  Or, if I have something to enjoy at work, then I'll be marginally more happy this afternoon.  I did afford myself the luxury of taking the top off of the drink and savoring the fresh whipped cream with carmel drizzled atop.  Is that not the best part of getting ANY drink at a coffee shop?  Enjoying the accouterments of a warm beverage, straight off the lid.  Ahhh.

 

What else to mention in this disjointed post?  So now that we are finally credit card debt free (wahoo!) and have some money in savings (gasp!) and aren't paycheck-to-paycheck, well, now it's time to return to our old ways of acting as if we're paycheck-to-paycheck.  I know it's crass to talk about money in public, but whatever.  In truth, we've never BEEN paycheck-to-paycheck, but we've had the mentality of this: spend every penny we can on paying off the debts.  Makes sense, right?  There are tons of personal finance programs/books/website/radio shows that tout the same thing.  So we took that approach that we should be really frugal with our money (create and stick to a budget, i.e. $50/week for eating out, $75/week for grocery) and all leftover money went towards paying off the wedding debt.  Which was stupid to accrue in the first place but ah, you only get married once for the first time, right? ;)

 

So I took to my trusty spreadsheet (you know it!) and plotted out how much money I WOULDN'T be making while on maternity leave.  Holy hell.  So between now and then, I have to save four-digits per month, minimum, to cover my lack of pay for those few months.  This is depressing for a few reasons: just when we're starting to get some savings, and can afford the luxury of buying a new book or a new pair of shoes (haha these are luxuries to me after 10-months of paying off the credit card!), you're back to the mentality of paycheck-to-paycheck.  Except this time, all of our extra money is going towards savings, instead of debt.  So at least that part feels good. We're also approaching things way differently now that we ever have... more of a cash-only perspective. Buy a crib?  Pay with cash. Need a years worth of contacts?  Pay with cash.  Don't do it until we can pay with cash.  Now, I don't mean we walk into stores with wads of 20s... we do pay with a credit card, but immediately transfer the money from checking to savings.  It's really refreshing, and a huge load off of my shoulders that we aren't accruing more debt.  Okay, I'll stop being tacky and I'll stop talking about money now...

 

Last point of the day... I prefer my cookie dough... cooked into a cookie.  That is all.

This Annoys The Shit Out Of Me (Alternate Title: Perhaps Tomorrow I Will Post Something Nice)

I have this pack of Stride gum at my desk at work, for those mornings when I have too much coffee and thus coffee breath that could kill a small child, or those days when I do not brush my teeth before leaving the house (calm down, I have a toothbrush in the locker in the ladies room) (yes, my work bathroom has a set of lockers, weird, right?).

 

This annoying pack of Stride gum has the handiwork of some annoying advertising/marketing people on the inside of the package.  Basically, you flip open the package and there's annoying list on the inside of the cardboard, that looks like a piece of notebook paper ripped out of the notebook. There's a "To Do List" with some fictional person's goals, including:

1. Coin A Phrase
2. Live with the Wild Llamas of Peru
3. Discover an element to add to the Periodic Table
4. Get into a break dance battle.

So wait... let me break this down and understand fully...

 

1. Coin a phrase - okay, fine. Make up a little euphemism or acronym or alliteration with your posse of high school buddies.  Make up a term to use about hot girls, none of whom you'd ever talk to, but you sure can talk about.  Talk the talk, but never walk the walk, type of thing. You're so cool.  I bet your phrase will be spread around all of the United States and soon enough Jimmy Fallon will use it on his talk show.  You will be the coolest kid in town!

 

2. Live with wild llamas? In Peru? First of all, do you speak Spanish, and are you up to date on South American immunizations?  You do realize you'd be without cell phone towers, so you won't be able to Twitter it, update your facebook status, and/or perform a live upload to Flickr while simultaneously riding said llamas?  Still want to do it? That old age question of "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?" is now replaced with "if you can't facebook it real-time, do you still want to do it?".  You're lame.  Read a book.

 

3. Yeah fricken right. You are not a scientist. There are no elements left to be found. (Not necessarily true, that was a tiny fiblet.) But - if there are un-discovered elements, they wouldn't be a dumb discovery, like "Oh, I was digging up that ziplock of illegal substances I had stashed in my parent's backyard garden, and I found this nugget of crystallized substance, and I thought, 'I wonder if this is a new element?'"  NO. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

 

4. Okay, so you're a twerpy scientist who discovers elements, yet you have the street cred to a.) know how to break dance and b.) actually "battle" someone?  Please. The only "battling" you do is of Star Gallactica variety.  (I thought that was pretty funny, if I don't say so myself...)

 

I don't know why this stupid package of gum annoys me so... but literally every time I open it, I scoff and get pissy. I hate dumb advertising aimed at tweens!  I am turning into a pissy old woman! HALP!

A Toothy Confession

Confession:  I've used the hair off of my own head as dental floss, in times of great need. For example, in the movie theater with a critical piece of kernel cornered between my molars. Also, driving home after dinner with a poppy seed lodged between two incisors. Sometimes desperate times do call for desperate measures.

 

False:  I tell my dentist about the frequency in which I floss. I say it's twice a week, give or take.

 

Truth:  More like once a month, is like it. There, I said it. Yeah, I know it's gross. I'll floss tonight.

J.C.! and other stuff

I just got my every-six-months teeth cleaning.  Is it bi-annual, or semi-annual?  I never know...

 

Anyway, I hate dental hygienists.  Well, let me reiterate.  I hate the ones at my current dental office.  You see, I went to the same dentist for 20 years... the one I grew up going to.  Their motto is "We Cater to Cowards" which really has my name ALL OVER IT because I'm the biggest doctor/dentist-phobic.  They were good people.  Until I decided to move 45 minutes away, and the normally 25-minute drive turned into an hour-and-a-half from my new abode.  Not so efficient to make that trek, even if only twice a year. 

 

[I think I've written this post before, I just got some serious deja vu.  I'll have to check my archives from 6 months ago...]

 

Anyway, so this is probably the 2nd or 3rd time I've visited my "new" dentist, and man, they hack THE SHIT out of my gums.  It's like they're excavating a new archaeological dig or something.  I almost want to ask "hey, did I cut you off at an intersection or something?  Did I hit on your boyfriend?  Why do you have a mutiny against my mouth right now?"  I almost feel like Steve Carell in 40 Year Old Virgin getting my chest waxed... I looked up at her with tears in my eyes and shouted "YOU BITCH!"   Okay, not really, but I did in my head.    Brutal.

 

* * *

 

So is it just me, or is the feeling of driving in/walking in to work on Monday morning just about as worse as getting a teeth cleaning? I liiiiiive for the weekend. I barely think about work during the weekend, minus the occasional log-in to work email. So when I open the door and smell that familiar smell... it's like "ugh - back to this". I truly envy people who love their job, and even more so people who are their own boss. I feel like I could handle being my own boss, working overtime for myself, my company, taking a pay cut, all that jazz... I just don't have my big idea yet. And by big idea, I don't mean million dollar idea, I just mean any idea that will work. I think working for yourself must be the best job anyone could have...

 

* * *

 

So, not to sound like a total couch potato... but holy moly, I can't wait for prime-time TV to start the fall lineup. The Office, 30 Rock, Project Runway (OK, technically that has started), Mad Men (okay, okay), The Biggest Loser! Ahh... and then I wonder how it is that I've gained 10 pounds over the last year?  Oh yes, you read it correctly... I went in my for annual Dr. visit (lovely, lovely experience...) and you better believe it (well, I better believe it) - the scale don't lie.  I so wish it did... Did I fall into the "I got married and gained weight" trap? It appears so... it was rather upsetting, I mean, yeah, my clothes don't look so hot on me but DANG GINA. I's gotsta get me to the gym ASAP.  Like, tonight.  Hence, the desire for good programming on the telly, so I can plug in the earphones and pound out an hour of cardio... wish me luck!

If My Husband Won a Million Dollars

So, remember when I posted about what I would do with a Millon [sic] Dollars?



Well, the last couple of weeks I have thrown in $5 to the work lottery pool. I am not a huge gambler, but I'm definitely not against it. I just generally don't even think about the lottery. But it's one of those things where... if my co-workers are doing it, I am going to jump in on that. NO WAY IN HAIL am I going to be the chump who doesn't throw in the week they win the big draw.



Yes, I'm that naive person who actually believes we have a chance at winning!



So much so that I created a list of how I would spend the money! Ha ha! The nerve...



Well, it was my list, and Nick disagreed on a few of my points. I told him if he won his lottery pool at work, that he could make up his own list. That appeased him for the short-term, and I took down his list of how he'd spend his first mil.




All Debt (house, car, student loans) 1 @ $234,000 = $234,000
Siblings Gift 5 @ $10,000 = $50,000
New Car 1 @ $25,000 = $25,000
Parents Gift 2 @ $150,000 = $300,000
House Reno 1 @ $50,000 = $50,000
Vacation 5 @ $3,000 = $15,000
Landscaping 1 @ $20,000 = $20,000
Savings 1 @ $100,000 = $100,000
Checking 1 @ $50,000 = $50,000
Charity 1 @ $156,000 = $156,000
$1,000,000



So as a couple, we weren't tooooo far off from each other. Nick's biggest beef with my list was how much I would give to charity. One thing we saw eye to eye on (or, rather, Nick said "I like what you put... put that on mine too") was the pre-paid or pre-saved-for vacations. :) :) :) WE LIKE VACATIONS. What on Earth could possibly be better than having a vacation already paid for a few years in a row?! Sublime. One thing Nick was much more liberal with was House Renovations (hey, I wouldn't mind new floors throughout!) and... um... landscaping our yard? WHAT THE EFF EVER.



But there you have it...



Now... if the balls could please fall into the right little compartments this evening... that would be greeeeaaaat.



KTHNKSBAI!

Just waiting for my pops to come home and play fetch with me. I do love my mom, but there is something to be said about the way my pops throws a ball...

Things I Am Loving Right This Second

(and the several seconds preceding this second)...

1.) HelenJane's Brokey Pasta, a.k.a. Pasta Napa Valley Style.
We had this for dinner tonight and it was deeeee-lish. We are sweating garlic (good thing!) and I am SOOOO so glad I have finally convinced Nick that pesto is good. Say it with me... gooooood.

2.) Murphy's Birthday was on Friday. He is one year old! What I love especially is that on Friday morning, you know, typically the day that is the hardest to wake up because we've been beat up by corporate America for the four days preceding and have already put in well over 4o hours... you know, those mornings? Anyway, this last Friday morning, the second the alarm went off, Nick and I both sprang up in the bed, looked at each other with a gleam in our eye, and reached down toward the end of the bed (judge me) to wake up our Mr. Moof.
"It's your birthday!" we both screamed. Then we sang him Happy Birthday, as if he understood what we were saying. Then proceeded to run downstairs to dole out his birthday presents.
Yes, we are THOSE types of dog people.

3.) Spring cleaning, albeit three months late. We cleaned quite a bit on Sunday, threw away junk, scrubbed toilets, that kind of cleaning. It doesn't happen often, I admit. But it's nice to not have drawers overflowing (esp. when you only wear 20% of the items!) and toilet bowls grungy. I mean, we're in our late-twenties. Grungy toilet bowls are just not acceptable anymore. Baby steps.

4.) The urge to sell our house (ha! ha!) and rent instead. I'm thinking... downtown Chelsea. Mostly because I finally dined at Common Grill and I want nothing more than that place to be within walking distance from my home. So I can walk home in a Carb Stupor every night... those rolls!

5.) I got a $100 gift card today from a co-worker/manager. For doing a good job, getting some parts in so production team didn't have to work on 4th of July. Wahoo! Totally unexpected, totally not necessary, but I will totally accept your thanks and gift card. YOU'RE WELCOME! Off to window shop, cyberly speaking.

Ta ta!

I love when my pup lays with limbs in a tangled mess. He is the cutest pup in all of the world.

What is better than a mason jar full of fresh peonies on your desk on a Monday morning? Not much... I ogled my managers flowers last week, and much to my delight she plucked these from her garden for me! They smell heavenly and best of all... were free!