So I sit down at the computer on a Saturday morning, open my web-browser, and check my email. I only have one this morning (I usually get, like, seven love letters a day!) As I click on the inbox and wait for my slow P3 machine with spy-ware and ad-ware and other junk which slow it down, I conjur up an idea of what this one says. "Lindsay, I cannot live without you, only say the word and I shall be healed." (Wait, this sounds oddly familiar...) "Lindsay, you are the love of my life, never leave me again..." or "Nice shoes, wanna screw?" (To which I think, HOW CAN HE SEE MY SHOES!!?? and run away from the computer with a real paranoia.)

Instead, after the 30 seconds it took to load the page are up, I realize it's only a message from Angel R. Golux letting me know I can "Slim Your Legs and Gut." Awesome!! But, at the same time, HOW CAN SHE SEE MY GUT???