have... biggest... headache. cannot think straight.

i loved this quote from the OC, (yes i'll freely admit i watch a teenager drama on the fox network): "he looks at her and sees lips, and hair, and boobs. he looks at me and sees... a lab partner." that pretty much sums up how i felt (and still do a little) for a majority of my post-puberty days. not that i was any good in science... or went to a co-ed high school for that matter. so "lab partner" can be exchanged with "friend" or "someone who listens to his girl problems and gives advice 'from a girl's perspective'" or something of the likes. it's funny how the insecurities from our 14-year-old days can still linger sometimes. who would have thought? i guess it's good if i can surprise even myself these days... : P

back to this headache... yeah. still have it. in case you were concerned.

i'm listening to some really old mixed CD's, and it's hilarious to think that at one point, i considered these songs to be "the best songs ever created." i was sure that i could pop this CD in at any point in my life, and things would feel great. music has that affect over me, but in a relative manner. i no longer internally rock-out when i hear "that's what i like about you" by the ramones or quiver when i hear "in your eyes" by peter gabriel. listening to this music makes me realize how much i've grown up over the past few years, although it's hard to see when that transition really started because i have trouble looking at my life from that point of view. "glycerine" by bush. oh, how i loved gavin rossdale. i even vowed to name one of my sons gavin. oh, those were the days, naming my yet-to-be-born-or-conceived children... now instead of naming them, i wonder if they will even exist, a spin-off of the whole "will-i-ever-get-married" question, an obvious answer to the "will-i-ever-meet-someone-where-there-is-a-mutual-interest" debacle. see, people: cause and effect. this IS my life.

although, "crazy game of poker" does give me this deja-vu feeling of sitting in melisa's akers dorm room downloading our favorite new underground band we discovered the first week of college: OAR. we called them the word oar, not O-A-R. we went and saw them in toledo, driving in the relentless rain into a city we didn't know, because we loved them. now you can see them on MTV sometimes and they are a college staple. oh, how thing's have changed.

there is a Lindsay Smith who works for NBC, in the rockefeller building. i think i'd rather work for NBC (that too owned by GE). then i'd get cool pens and maybe meet the cast of friends or something exciting like that.

: P