ahhhhahahahahahahaha. hahahahaaahhhahaha. ahahahaaahhahahahaahaha. i want to just open my window and scream, "you are a fucking liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiarrrrrrrrrrrrr!" but there's a cold draft outside. plus, my neighbors have small children.

friday, i got home from work. my roommate wanted to get a fifth of tequila and drink and just chill and have a girls night. i laid down at 6 to take a little nap before the nights' festivities and woke up at 8... AM... THE NEXT DAY...!

20030717 post. ditto.

coming to realizations sucks. first, it sucks to realize that college will soon be over. sucks so much, i try not to think about it a lot, actually i forget sometimes. "but you haven't really been in college for like 9 months now" you may say. but it's the knowledge that i'll be back in East Lansing soon that keeps me going.
second on the list is realizing that your roommate has sex on your couch when she thinks you're sleeping, but we'll leave that for another day... (or not...)
also sucks when you realize that someone no longer cares about you. you can't hold it against them, you know, cuz you can't make someone like you... but then again, yes you can. sometimes you can. so then you think, "okay, so i couldn't make this one like me for good... what's wrong with me?" and all sorts of negative and depressing thoughts go through your head, which are only amplified by seeing your aforementioned roommated's boyfriend drive 2 1/2 hours EACH WAY to see her for a few hours at least twice a week. (so what if they're nymphos too... just as long as it's not on the couch...) not to MENTION the other roommate discussing marriage with her boyfriend. i mean, cora and jeremy just make me wanna puke they're so cute. she didn't go out for like a week because she stayed home to make a book for him entitled "365 reasons I love you" for their 1-year anniversary. now let's TALK about realizations.
fourthly, which, i might add, i first spelled "4thly" is realizing you're a dumbass. no, just kidding. (i already KNOW that, thus cannot 'realize' something you already know. : P) fourthly it is unfortunate to realize, especially when you're down, (warning, cliches!) that your life is your choice. life doesn't just happen to people. when you look down at where you're standing and realize that you don't like it, you are looking at the feet that got you there.
< /whiney post>

i always feel nervous blogging from work. you know, they monitor my internet usage and such... but then again, my friend (shall remain nameless to protect his identity) ordered his girlfriend a "gift" on-line from work, and nothing was ever said about it. makes me wonder how he even got to a website like that, seeing as how i can't even access MSU e-mail from here. anyway.
haven't had a hangover in a while. forgot how much they suuuuuucked. my joints hurt, i'm hunched over like a little lady - er - big lady. ah, such is life.
i bought a membership to a gym - GOLDS! - and it's open 24 hours. hot-tub, steam room, sauna, the works. like my friend said, "you go there to get a hot body." i go there for the cable television and eye candy. : P

oh i love it! i walk by 2 engineer's offices and one is playing solitare and the other is playing in internet word jumble game.

i have a 1-hour massage today, for only 25 bucks. hell yeah.

i look forward to wednesday's the most. i know john will write his 3-paragraph e-mail to us, reminding us (as if we could forget) of poker night. there's always the re-cap of last week, and notes about boones farm and raking the pot and packing up your balls and walking away. that will be the highlight of my day. then wednesday night will roll around, and though i show up a bit late, in true lindsay fashion, it's all good. these people are my friends. we play a few rounds, i'm down 5-10 bucks in the first 10 minutes, guaranteed. 8:30, 9 o'clock rolls around, and people start to disappear. "gotta call jeremy, it's after nine, and i have free minutes." cora will return from the porch about 20 minutes later. sometime soon after, jason bows out for a few... but not too long, cuz jen's gotta work in the morning, and cincinatti is an hour later than us here anyway. john, being the host and poker aficionado, already took care of his business before we came, maybe not even at all. maybe she knows better. doug, now doug's a different story. his girlfriend, robin, is high maintenance. if he promises her a call at 9:00, she's mad at 9:02 and pissed at 9:05. so when 10:30 rolls around and he hasn't talked to her at all today, he's sweating nervous. whipped, for sure, but he's a good guy so we'll let it slide. i see how nervous he is, and start conniving. "doug," i say. "here's the story: your boss takes you to the bar after work, which is true, you know... couple beers, you're talking, you're asking advice on OMLP... he's chatty, you look at the clock but can't cut the night short. too much at stake. that's your story." he agrees, however nervous, and knows this will work. because he's graduating and looking for a job come may, it's now or never to put himself out there. who better than to knowingly ditch a call to his girlfriend than for a very important network. foil-proof lie. i'm such a good liar, even if it is for doug. robin'll be for that anyway cuz she's a teacher and is counting on doug to bank. "anyway, it's not unreasonable for you to be out at 10:30 anyways... i don't know what her deal is," i say. that too is a lie. you want great guys to call you. you want them to reassure you that they are yours. you don't want doubts and scenarios going through your head as to what they are doing tonight, who they are with. you want them to be waiting at their phone, watching for 8:59 to flip. even better than lying for people, though, i am the best liar to myself. what you don't know (can't see) can't hurt you. i keep telling myself that. again and again. day after month after year (or so it shall be). then why do i wait for the prompt box to disappear from the arrival of words? usually i can reply a lie, even to my own questions, but this one is like paying for the last card up, after 3 antes, and getting the black mariah. unexplainable, freak of nature, out of your control.

i'm a hop, skip, and a jump away from boarding the next train to midnightsville and bringing my baby boy with me. i'm really gonna do it this time, i swear to jesus h. christ. i don't need no cowboy running my life and telling me what to do: i'm my own boss. here, there, anywhere, i call the shots, i hold the purse, i turn the head. i will make things different this time. but you try tellin' that to your baby boy when he's looking up at you with those blue, oh those true blue like the ocean, eyes and he don't have to be sayin something with his mouth of his, but those eyes can speak just as loud, you hear? he's telling me to pack my bags and his bags too, just don't forget his twirly top, and get the hell out of here, for my own good. for our own good. no red-necked rodeo cowboy can give us a chance. he ain't ever gonna change, them never do. so i's packing our bags, me and my boy's, and i'm gettin' the hell outta here.

could this week possibly get any shittier? no, i'm not asking for that to happen, but if it could happen. for real! guys, just cuz i'm in IN doesnt' mean i'm not thinking about you! xoxoxoxo

roxanne, in the ambulance: i know this is gonna sound really vain, but i have a wedding on saturday, so you better not tell me something is wrong with my arm

roxanne, after hearing she broke her arm: well, can i have a black cast?
doctor: uhhh, we'll discuss that after surgery.
roxanne: well, i'm telling you right now, i want a black cast.

roxanne, after surgery: i don't care! i still hate her!

roxanne, on pain: usually, i'd say 'i want my arm to hurt for a long time' cuz i would like the attention, but now i just want it to not hurt anymore because i have this wedding on saturday.

rox, i took the best drugged up quotes i could think of! hope you are feeling better. xo