It feels good to not care about silly things that would usually embarrass me. At lunch today, I see a hot waiter that we had seen before at the same restaurant, and while I had his eye contact, I nonchalantly pressed my arm against Cora’s. She looked up, followed the trail of my eyes, and saw what I was looking at (a fine specimen of human being, I must say). Naturally, he saw the one-second transaction that had just occurred, and I looked away, not quickly or anything, just slightly red in the cheeks. I started laughing once he passed, and Cora just said, “Eh, who the fuck cares?” and the second she said it, I knew I didn’t. That was the best Friday feeling ever! If it were someone else sitting there and they had looked at him obviously, I probably would have felt like a fool for a good five minutes, and secretly resent the fact that they hadn’t been careful to make it unobvious. Then when I think about it, that’s the dumbest thing in the world! I’m embarassed to admit that I’ve felt like that, all over something as stupid as checking out a waiter!! If I can add correctly, my thirteenth birthday was something like eleven years ago, maybe it’s a good thing I’ve started to act my age…

So this really is just a reiteration of my away message, but you know you need to just go back to sleep when you get in the shower, and start washing your face with shampoo.

I’ve decided that I want one (well, that had already been decided… re-affirmed is a better choice of word) all the while remembering that I want to wait. Second-hand Buddha Pat’s and my mom’s advice still rings in my ears loudly on that subject. Baby steps.

Newsflash: it’s rude to stare.

It’s funny how some people are really good at squeezing things into conversations. I don’t think I’m one of them, hence me thinking it’s funny. You know what I mean… like when you’re making plans to hang out, and you ask what they want to do, and they casually say “oh, I don’t know, we can get some pizza, watch tv, have sex” and they just slipped that last bit in there so naturally that you’re taken by surprise and don’t have time to calculate an equally smooth retort. Then you just continue the conversation as normal, only really realizing afterwards that they just got away with saying that, and you wonder how.

I have a meeting with the technology leader here at GE motors, soon to be ______motors. I should probably get going and, I don’t know, prepare for the meeting so as to not sit there mute with confusion. LOL can you so picture me sitting there not saying a word!? I love it!

And don’t you worry, attentive blog readers… I really can add. Just seeing if you were paying attention. Trying to keep y’all on your toes!!!


ps. see post below. i'm not feelin' the last-line email-me plead lovin'. it took me like five minutes to figure out how to do the email link thing. i know it's annoying cuz if you don't use Outlook it will open in Outlook and that can be annoying as hell, but humor me! i need some humor!!

so those of you who have counters and spyers on your blogs, you know that i read your blog say, :::ahem::: four times a day or so. (excuse me while i blush with embarassment) so i figure i might as well post some too. so, today i baked. and cleaned my room. and opened my Absolut Kurant. went to the chiropractor. made dinner with my roommate. came home for lunch and watched TLC. load of dishes andlaundry. went to sleep feeling fairly satisfied (although, that is just my prediction).

what did you do?

i feel like my whole world has just been flipped upside down. everything i know as truth before this moment is made void, i don't know what to trust and what to throw away in the garbage. as i sit here at work, screwing around as usual, i play with the date/calender function of my computer and learn I WAS BORN ON A MONDAY!!! all along, i thought i was a child of the day of wednes. . . tragedy ensues.

kare's on the bed, feeling like a piece of shit run over twice. i have a hangover, but don't really feel like death. i just regret saying "detroit what?!" to the guy in the bar with the detroit hoodie and then getting stuck in the same shuttle (aka drunk mobile) with him on the ride back, where he supposedly thought we were best friends and he could harass us. we saw a true, all-out bitch fight early in the night... people stepped back, guys tried to get in a break things up, but that just intensified the whole ordeal. kare, with the attitude of "we're in fucking indiana" made us go up on stage three times and dance, usually staying in the back but not being completely shy and going right up to the front of the stage so all thousand people could see us. good times, good times.

i love fall. the changing colors, the pumpkins and leaves, wool and boots and boa scarves, realizing i'm just repeating the blog i wrote 2 years ago... hmm change of direction.
as i drove down my street last night, the lone driver on the mile-long stretch of slim road, i turned the radio off and opened my windows all the way. the wind gushed and caused fresh air to circulate and swirl my hair around, and leaves fell on my car. i gasped inwardly at the beauty of fall, and at that moment realized that the beauty we all talk about, really, is the beauty of death.

franklin cider mill seems so far away today... :_(
walmart cider doesn't even come close to theirs.
i hate walmart to begin with.

October is 25% over?
That's just not right.

You are the person you choose to be.
Lather, rinse, repeat.

i have only lied while playing truth-or-dare (which, since i've been around 15 or so, has been really just "truth") twice. the one time was the summer of my study abroad, and i was hanging out with a different crowd than i usually did. we were at a sweet-ass bar in galway, playing a drinking/tell-all game (called "i never"... i'm sure some of you have played it). i had only known these people on a superficial basis for about 4 weeks, and i think that night was the first time i even talked to a few of them. needless to say, i wasn't about to get too personal with them, cuz that's just how i am. some call it a weakness, i call it... not wanting to divulge while drinking with strangers. anyway, the second time was tonight. my roommate is 'having trouble' with her boyfriend, so she stayed here in fort wayne this weekend. you'd have to know her to understand that this never happens. i rarely talk to her for extended periods of time because she's either a) on the phone with her boyfriend b) at Purdue (2 hrs. away, and yes she will go there for the night mid-week and return the next morning for work...) or c) he's here, and they're in her room 'being anti-social' as i will put it. so tonight, she wanted to get some drinks and play cards. which really turned into "lindsay, you lost that hand, truth or dare?" and hence, the lying part. i don't really know why i lied... i don't even know why i am blogging about it, really. guilt maybe. i don't like to lie. but i guess she did get me talking about some things that were true, and that self-reflection i owe to her. which, i guess, makes me feel a little bit more guilty about not being 100% truthful with my answers. oh well, i guess sometimes, you just do what you gotta do...