pet peeves: people who pace. i'm in the computer lab right now, and there is a kid who is pacing and i just want to buy some of that sticky glue stuff from the hardware store and put it on the soles of his shoes so he can stop annoying me! i feel so bad saying that though, because i can't even imagine the things that i do to annoy people. i do not want to even know. another pet peeve: people who threaten to stalk me (sound familiar?) hahaha j/k. but i'll let you know... i will have no one stalking me! that is for sure.
so fort wayne is on. it's like 10 weeks away, and super scary. i'm sure/hope everything will be o.k. in the end. i will be back for the summer to party with all of you hott spartans! wahooey.
okay, so i am so stealing this quote from my stalker, but i just have to say "i am a nerd... but i am a nerd with a crush." i have this crush who makes me feel like i'm 13 years old again. it's fun. : ) i don't know if he knows i'm totally crushing on him, but i don't really care. it's that whole crossing-the-line-into-something-else-than-flirting thing that i'm not even really looking for. why can't we (collectively) just flirt our whole lives (with the same person, of course) and skip the whole meaningful, deep part of the relationship? oh wait, that's cuz i haven't really had a relationship, per se, so therefore i do not understand the blessings of one. puke.
i started my job! the first day, everyone was really quiet, you know... didn't say anything. now we're all joking and being loud and obnoxious. it's so fun. it's work, but really it's play. who else goes to work and eats PFChangs' food?! : D and it is so fun. granted, we are still not open, therefore do not have customers, so it only seems fun now, but still. it is like the perfect job. except for the whole open-363-days-a-year thing. that would suck.
other news... other news... i got 37/50 on my 2nd math exam, up from the first 24/50. go me.
my room, among other things in my life right now, is in a state of chaos. when i first read the word "chaos" i said "chay-oh's" and my mom and friend erin thought i was so stupid. i laughed too.
i just ate a pack of donuts from the vending machine! i think this is the first time ever i have ever bought donuts, and they were from a vending machine! ewwww.
i really don't have time to be writing a blog right now, seeing as how i have homework due tomorrow (average time of completion = 5 hrs), a lab due tomorrow (last week's lab = 11 pgs), work from 5pm-11pm, and a hard-ass exam on friday (last exam's grade = 16/30... last exam's amount of studying prior to exam = 15+ hours). so are you picking up on the level of stress i am going through right now? hence the donuts.

! so annoyed, just lost super long blog when i clicked on one of those lame buddy links !

i question the motives of others all the time. i probably shouldn't, seeing as how i hate it when people do that to me. but really, i don't ACTUALLY question them, i just ask myself what his/her motive is. shouldn't that be okay, though? someone tell me that is okay.

someone asked me a question, to which i said "i think so." so he said to me "don't think... know." and i go "don't know.... always think. the only way to be truly free." i admit, i said it in defiance, but really, it's true. that's my mantra! and i didn't even (consciously) know it! go me! high-five

tomorrow i'll blog. but don't hold your breath until then (cuz who would do that anyway!?)

i am such a dumbass. what am i doing?

Mood changes are often accompanied by altered perceptions of time and space. Thinking processes become disrupted by fragmentary ideas and memories. Many users report increased appetite, heightened sensory awareness, and general feelings of pleasure."

ya think?

O.U.T O.F C.O.N.T.R.O.L

i think i may have just gotten asked out. i don't know, considering i'm asked out all the time (and by all the time, i mean never at all) i was all cool on the phone, even saying once "ok i'm being a complete tool right now" to him. and how true that is. I AM A TOOL. also, i have decided (without even going out with this guy) that i dont like to date! it's so uncomfortable! cuz really, you know nothing about the other person, so what does that even give you? one night hook-ups are also not my thing, which puts a damper on things when you realize that he just wants to get laid. anyway, i really do have to write a paper, that is not an excuse, so i gotta start on that. big right.

it's alright if you can get someone to help you get your foot in the door, but once inside, you have to stand on your own two feet." my mom said this, in regards to interviews and stuff, but i think it can be applied to so much more than that.

i seem to have started off more that one blog with "i just wrote something but i erased it"... which is what i wrote prior to erasing THAT sentence and writing this one. i realize that this is probably a bad thing, that i cannot post what i want to, in what is supposed to be MY blog, because i know that people read it, and probably because i don't want them to think differently of me because of what i write. and that SUCKS to realize that. i consider myself a pretty normal person, and i think most people who know me (and read this... who are you?!) would back me up on this one. but for whatever reason, i keep everything at an arms reach (is that the right saying?) and away from my body. i don't understand that, because sometimes i don't understand me, which can be uncomfortable sometimes. i try to open up, i do. or at least i think about opening up. but it's hard. i try to be influenced by my surroundings, but it is hard. i don't really know where i am going with this blog, most of what i really am thinking is in the blog i just wrote and copied and pasted out of blogger, for reasons mentioned above. i just feel a big sigh coming on. :::SIGH::: that felt good.

some people go through life with fake friends, with close aquaintainces, with people who they aren't sure of where their friendship lies, of thinking someone is their friend when really she is just annoyed with her, with having no friends at all... i am so fortuate to have GOOD friends, meaningful relationships with awesome girls, and i am so lucky to have that. that said, how would it be possible to go hang out with them and NOT have fun?! oh, that's right... it wouldn't be possible. i think if we were all locked in jail together, we wouldn't die of being beaten up by other prisoners, we'd die of laughter because we'd sit and shoot the shit and laugh all day long. hehehehe.

next on my agenda... i have realized that my end-all-be-all of mini's, one boy whom i reserve initials for, i no longer am obsessed with. that interested me in a good way.

other news: this weather rocks, and serves as my "i love michigan" attitude that will get knocked down come january/february/march. on my agenda is going to the cider mill... cider and donuts and maybe a candy apple and then maybe too a hayride. hahah. j/k about the hayride.

i have this feeling i'm expecting something in the mail, or an email, or a package. of course, nothing tangible, i don't really mean my physical mailbox. i just have this expectant feel to me right now. like i'm on the verge. of what, i don't know... or i am not sure if i know or not. and then if i do in fact know, whether it is conscious or sub-conscious. you see, why lead a boring life (open for debate) when you can complex your thoughts like such?

hahaha i think one of the best things about my day was our kooky waiter... i am taking mental notes for P.F. Changs... i had better see you all when we open november 4th... hellllllo paycheck!

alright, the start of a new week! begins with me going to sleep now. have a good one! <3

why do i have to have a mini on paul... always pick the ones that aren't interested in me

so have nothing to say. well. yeah. nothing to say. i feel like watching a movie, and going outside to rake the leaves, and going to the cider mill, and wearing sweaters. yeah. doesn't that sound groovy.