twentyfive

dear blog,
today is thursday. the week is almost to an end. yay. i am doing community service this weekend so i can feel like a good, productive member of society. or, to help out people in need. either way, i'm doing it. my statics test was postponed five days. that was nice. but come on: realistically, that's just five more days i have to procrastinate. i think i need to switch my major. it's engineering arts. screw that. oh blog, what do you think i should do? if only you weren't a mute, our relationship would mean all the much more.
[later that day]
dear blog. do you want to hear something funny? i've been singing Stuck in a Moment by U2 all day long now, and i'm at the library, singing it so i write it in big block letters across my statics homework. statics. as in vectors, forces, and, yes, you guessed it, Moments. A vector moment, for those of you who care, is the turning effect of a force about a point equal to the magnitude of the force times the perpindicular distance from the point to the line of action of the force. there are i think 4 different ways of defining a moment in statics. but how do you define the other typoe fo moment, the kind that U2 sings about? how long is a moment exactly? have you ever said that you 'had a moment' with someone? i certainly have, in my mind at least. whether or not it was reciprocated is another story in itself. but let's see the longest moment i've had is probably close to 3.5 seconds. i would hate to be stuck in a moment, as bono sings it. imagine calling your boss and saying "hi boss, it's so and so... i hate to say it, but i'm going to miss that meeting this afternoon, i'm stuck here in a moment" or if you're late for a date, and you show up in a huff, explaining to your distraught social playmate that you're so sorry, you were stuck in a moment, and will you please forgive me so i can get laid tonight? well blog, it's been a treat talking to you, but i have to break this moment we're in (and my it certainly surpasses my aforementioned longest moment of 3.5 by a landslide), and get back to vectors. vectors schmectors. whoever invented vectors, i'd like to kick in the shin. oooh that would be sad. nevermind. forgive me for being mean. love, lindsay.
p.s. blog, how have you been?
p.p.s. please write back

twenty four

so i get a laptop so i can go to the library and really concentrate and what do i do? go online and fucking write a blog. i'm such a waste. i don't do anything! there are so many people who would kill to be in my shoes, and i trace my hand during class and dream about my wedding day. whoa i need a reality check here. if i don't get my act together, i will not get a good job after graduation, which, scary enough to say, is in two and a half years. no job, no money. live with parents. not cool. i want to make more money than my husband. that would kick ass. but i don't want to wear the pants of the household... i like skirts occasionally. so... there was this guy that we met this weekend (girls you know who i'm talking about... goat boy) who was saying how girls can get whatever they want from a guy. and that girls scare him. first of all-- i had to point out to him that the only girls who get whatever they want from a guy are the ones who offer the prospect of a fuck. sorry to be so blunt, but hey that's how it is. so if a girl gives off those vibes, a guy would do just about anything to 'stay with her' not even relationship-wise. hence, girls can get whatever they want. but what about the girls who don't give off that vibe, even if it's just the vibe they don't give off. i mean, someone can not express her willingness to fool around, but in actuality, be a tease. and on the flip side, there are many girls who give off the tease vibe and are in fact totally prude. soooooo, what am i trying to say here? that it's all fucked up. why can't people just want other people and just get it over with. sleep with each other or don't. but just be honest enough to tell one another what's going on. i hate games, and i hope i give off that vibe that i don;t like to play them. just either you're interested, or you're not. plain and simple. so what happens to the girls who don't give off the prospect of a fuck? well some guys might be interested but that small part of their brain (even if it's in their subconscience) is always looking out for another girl who could get them laid. that's basically the conclusion we came to in the car. how fucked up is that? which then leads me to our ubiquitous question: why are we three single? any correlation here? hmmmmm something to think about.

twenty three

hours of sleep over the last 4 days: approx. 16

estimated hours of sleep i will get tonight (today?): approx. 3.5

number of weirdo she-males i met this weekend: 1

number of 'stains' on jacks' roommates futon: too many to count, which is already too many too many if you ask me

number of cool people i met this weekend: 5 (?)

weird, uncomfortable situations: 0 (yay)

number of frosties consumed in one 12-hour period: 2

how many hours late we were on friday: 3 whoops sorry jack

how many things i learned this weekend: 5+ (double click reference, few different ways of playing poker, different ways of scamming the government, how to correctly pee without a toilet, how to ineffectively lie, not that that's anything to write home about)

hours between the time i left my room in my boxers and tshirt to brush my teeth and the time i came back: 2.75

times i have thought about 'someone': only about 4 or so

hours at the library: 2.5

length of my nap: 2.75

number of new guster songs downloaded: 5

how many times i started to study for my physics test but got 'caught up' in something else: 7 and counting

number of times i've checked my email: probably 5, testament to how much of a goon i am

number of actual emails received: zero

minutes spent standing under steaming hot water in the shower: 30

how much money i will deposit in about 4 hours: 141

money i owe: 1000 (rough estimate)

number of boys i have a crush on: 2 3/4 (one guy gets a whole point, then 3 get a half-point each but only 1/2 because they're unavailable in some way shape or form, then the last guy gets 1/4 just cuz he's cute, but it's totally out of the question)

chinese fortunes come true: zero

number of things i've taken that i shouldn't have: one (but it's a big one, it was a misunderstanding i tell ya!!! i swear!)

number of things that is preventing me from going to bed right now: 6 (physics test, light, music, blog, boy, lack of sleepiness)

number of items of clothes that i have found with peculiar and non-moth-like holes: about 6 now grrrrrrrrrr

days of class until thanksgiving break: 28 (fuck! i thought it was less than that)

days of class until christmas break: man this will be wishful thinking, let me count......38 w/o finals, 43 with (oooooh totally bitter about having a friday final........grrrrrrrrrrrr again)

number of dispatch songs i have downloaded: 50 exactly but i LOVE them!

time it now is: 5:45 am time for me to go. but i'll be back, don't you worry. later kiddo.

twenty two

i wish i had something important to say right now. the fact that i don't makes me feel like a loser. oh and last night, it was funny, i was sitting in a friend's room and a group of people were talking and then all of a sudden, i was overwhelmed with a sense of what a loser i am. this wasnt' a depressing realization, nor was it previously unknown. but it was overwhelming, and i just felt like such a dork. but like i said, it wasn't a bad thing, because i expressed it and was validated. so i guess that was a good thing. i had such a fun weekend with everyone! who--hoo. it was so promising to see something new happen with two people, fun to meet new people, cool to hang out with them, validating to be there. ah, validation is such a good feeling, youknow ? think about it... to say something, do something, express a feeling, idea, view, belief... and then to have that validated, for someone to say 'yeah that's okay' or even 'yeah that's right' or 'no, you're not nuts for saying/doing/thinking/feeling that' feels good. i think that is one of the things that people want in order to feel loved and accepted. that said, eh i forgot what i was going to say. i'm currently being interrogated about my weekend, and i don't like it. anyway, eh if i ever have something with merit to say, i'll try to hurry and write it down so i sound like i am a person of substance.

my blog is at the bar
twenty-first blog

i spent a lovely day with my parents today. it's amazing how much more we talk and get along now that i don't live with them anymore. quite a different situation than me living at home. it's nice. and this weather rocks. i LOVE it. yes, i want to marry it. ok now this bombing thing is nuts. i can't believe i'm living through such a historic time. cuz it really is. people i know try to downplay this whole 9-11 thing but it really is serious stuff. i'm sure if it happened around here these people i'm talking about would be freaking out like no other, but it's so easy to disassociate with things that are far away and things with which we are so physically removed. but still, i feel this is very severe, and i trust our leaders to make the right decisions. any-way, have a good week all. study hard, it's the middle of the semester.

twentieth post

the cold war - oh it was a hot sight to see, but the game was severely shitty. at least msu's game was shitty. they were so not on, but i'm impressed they managed to catch up and tie the game instead of losing that game at home. at least if we didn't win, we didn't lose. but it was such a cool thing to see... gordie howe came out, kip miller was there, all of the pyrotechnics and such, the entries, it was just cool as shit to see. i didn't really get much accomplished this weekend, ah well. i guess that's what it's all about. right?

nineteenth post

good things come to those who wait? that's such bullshit, it's more like good things come to those who go after what they want. i'm such a dork to think that if i wait long enough, someone will come around. it just won't happen and i need to move on. oh my gosh i didn't even realize how pathetic that sounds, i'm really not that pathetic. even though it has been at the back of my mind, it needs to leave my mind altoghther.
anyway there are things i think about besides this. like, i wonder if back in the 70s if students at michigan state got around on rollerskates? hahahahahahaha. that would be funny. also, i wonder about things like do i really need the information i learn in class for when i get a job or will i just learn on the job? and i wonder what people are up to. like what's up with people calling in fake hijackings on airplanes? is that supposed to be funny or something? i don't get it. oh yeah and i wonder what the squirrels do in the winter? are bears the only animals that hibernate? that's such an elementary question i'm embarassed to be asking it but for real, i hope they don't freeze! oh i'm picturing the poor things right now with their tails all frozen oh poor things! i should take them in and ---no i shouldn't nevermind. they're not that cute.
oh and i still think about that boy too.

eighteenth post

i like:

fall days colored leaves windy days
purple chapstick boots hot chocolate
boy(s) who like david grey
getting an introvert to talk surprises knowing a surprise is on the way
'whimsicle wishes mistletoe kisses'
childhood memories good movies home videos smells that take you back
emails from my parents
my dog zoey and her toys earl bartholemew eugene scholl
old friends bicycles islands books I-75 carp lake cousins
clean things getting dirty worn in jeans being done starting over chances
oar dispatch niceness making up words having a job earning things people being grateful people genuinely thanking you
being good and knowing it's good
concerts bands getting there early leaving late singing along screaming along raspy voices
being alive and appreciating it

skip this one

nevermind the missing number. ask and i'll share.

sixteenth post

i love it when people presume they know things about you. michigan state put up a good fight in the football game this weekend. late night coffee shops frequently have good looking guys outside milling about. my eyes are sore and sleepy. oh how i love fall! i'll never tell what skipe means. i feel horrible burning entire cd's of artists i really respect, and i do it anyway. am i cheap? it is not a risk to do what others tell you to do. i think it's a sign of weakness. god bless america. no-god bless humanity and the entire human population. serendipity opens this friday. msu hockey creamed the opposition like corn. wow that was bad. i have yet to do my homework and i have no idea what the chapter is about. i'm probably wasting my parents money on this class. i will make it up to them when i graduate and am making 75+ fresh out of college. affirmitive action works in my favor this time. i think i can crack every bone in my body. insence smells (bad). people should not wake up the kid on the first floor to let him in the side door. walk your fucking ass to the front door would ya? i feel bad when i lie and expand the lie in order for me to not confront my true feelings and tell the truth. i am a wimp. i am strong. i deserve the best. a good quote from a movie is "never let anyone tell you that you don't deserve what you want." i want. i deserve. i am tired. time for bed in my freshly laundered and not-as-comfortable-as-home bed. i miss my yellow room.